QuoteI would do it all in secret so they won't know. 

Maybe I missed this, but why?

Quote from: JMJW on November 18, 2016, 09:57:57 PM
Maybe I missed this, but why?

Because they refuse to believe I have autism just like they still don't think I have a learning disability even I was officially diagnosed and was in special education till I graduated high school. They also think therapy is just a "bunch of liberal nonsense". If they found out I went and got diagnosed they would go through a whole spill about how stupid it was of me to have done that and try telling me I don't have autism. Yeah that's what I'm dealing with.     

What's the one thing we autistics do better than anyone else?

The answer is talking peoples ears off about subjects that interest us.

If getting diagnosed is what needs to happen then you talk incessantly about it. You have to see the value of just not stopping. Regardless of what they say. Erosion is pressure + time. If it can work on mountains it can damn sure work on people.

Quote from: Mariah on November 18, 2016, 01:57:12 PMI don't believe it can be used towards therapy and other transition related expenses under federal government rules governing Pell Grants.

  i was talking about the job placement agency they do take money from the government, but they also cut separate checks for expenses to. or possibly know of some other way to get into therapy. when i went to them they where very helpful in any way i needed. granted at the time i didn't ask for therapy, but i probably should have.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 18, 2016, 07:13:39 PM
Also I don't qualify anyway unless I'm move out and have to be moved out for at least two years to qualify.

  when i went i got a two year pell grant and i was living with my parents at the time. i explained to them i wanted to do something different. they got me unemployment compensation and later the school hired me.

The issue is that doing this in the order you would like to do it in is going to be very difficult, bordering on impossible. What you've said is that you need to (1) move out of your parents' home, (2) get an autism diagnosis, (3) utilize social services programs to find employment and housing, and (4) transition in that order. Correct me if I have that wrong and I'll make a new post with updated thoughts.

With these goals in that order, it does not seem achievable based on the information available. Your ability to do #1 (move out) hinges on your ability to do #3 (access social services programs for employment/housing), which you can't access until you've achieved #2 (gotten a diagnosis). Unless you have a steady income stream, substantial savings, or people who can house you, it seems like you're going to have to re-do that order if you're going to start moving forward.

Be explicit about what's going on with your parents or what you'd expect to go on with your parents. From what you've posted so far it sounds like if you were to move forward with getting a diagnosis behind their back, they might: be annoyed that you used their insurance for it, yell at you about it, and talk down to you about it. And if that is the case, then my response is - so what? Let them be annoyed. Let them yell. Let them talk down to you. If the end result is that those things are all you'd have to suffer through in order to get a diagnosis that would enable you to move forward with the rest of your plans and in turn the rest of your life, so what? You can get over words and negative feelings, especially if it means that in doing so you'd be setting yourself up for greater success long term.

If the anticipated response from them is something more than that (you think they will become physically violent, you think they will withhold food from you, etc.), then you need to speak to someone in social services in your county because you're living in an abusive situation and there are already services available to help you without an autism diagnosis.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
The issue is that doing this in the order you would like to do it in is going to be very difficult, bordering on impossible. What you've said is that you need to (1) move out of your parents' home, (2) get an autism diagnosis, (3) utilize social services programs to find employment and housing, and (4) transition in that order. Correct me if I have that wrong and I'll make a new post with updated thoughts.

Sadly that's the right order. With the way circumstances are moving out has to come first before I can really do anything else.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
With these goals in that order, it does not seem achievable based on the information available. Your ability to do #1 (move out) hinges on your ability to do #3 (access social services programs for employment/housing), which you can't access until you've achieved #2 (gotten a diagnosis). Unless you have a steady income stream, substantial savings, or people who can house you, it seems like you're going to have to re-do that order if you're going to start moving forward.

As long as my parents continue to force me to do what they want I can't just simply go get a job. I've clashed with them a few times already this year alone over this they won't budge over their stance.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
Be explicit about what's going on with your parents or what you'd expect to go on with your parents. From what you've posted so far it sounds like if you were to move forward with getting a diagnosis behind their back, they might: be annoyed that you used their insurance for it, yell at you about it, and talk down to you about it. And if that is the case, then my response is - so what? Let them be annoyed. Let them yell. Let them talk down to you. If the end result is that those things are all you'd have to suffer through in order to get a diagnosis that would enable you to move forward with the rest of your plans and in turn the rest of your life, so what? You can get over words and negative feelings, especially if it means that in doing so you'd be setting yourself up for greater success long term.

This whole month alone I've tried being explicit I've tried coming up with other reasons to see if that'll convince them to let me see a therapist. All been dismissed by them.

I don't like it when my parents yell at me that's why I don't want conflict over using their insurance like this. I have some sensitivities to noise and people yelling is one of those I'm sensitive to and last thing I want is reasons for my parents to get loud at me.       

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 08:52:40 AM
If the anticipated response from them is something more than that (you think they will become physically violent, you think they will withhold food from you, etc.), then you need to speak to someone in social services in your county because you're living in an abusive situation and there are already services available to help you without an autism diagnosis.

Thankfully they never been violent before even when I failed college the first time around and that was scary. Worst they ever done is verbal abuse but even that is damaging.

That's all well and good, but that mentality is exactly what has kept you where you are for months now. Change rarely comes about comfortably. Either you are going to have to just go ahead, use their insurance, get your diagnosis, deal with their yelling at you for a bit, and be able to move on with your life because you've got some security via the diagnosis - or you can choose not to do that and still be wondering a year from now what you need to do to move forward.

I'll be candid with you. With the information you've given, I do think you are in an abusive situation. Most parents want their children to succeed and strive to create an environment where that is possible. You are in your mid twenties, an adult. You are unable to drive. You have thus far not succeeded academically or experientially, yet your parents are apparently not allowing you opportunities to try again though you claim to want to work. You are afraid to use health insurance for a reasonable need, which you are entitled to use as a beneficiary. You have expressed your concerns about your mental health at least twice now, which they have belittled and ignored.

Now, let me ask you this - in an ideal world, five years from now. You've gotten your diagnosis, have accessed several social programs that have helped you find housing and work, you've started to transition. You're comfortable, you're doing well all things considered. Where are your parents? 

With everything you have said about your situation, I can't imagine a situation in which they and you are both completely happy about the same outcome. There comes a point when you have to start putting yourself first. You're an adult. You have a right to choose your own destiny. The keys to moving forward are right in front of you, you just have to push through some discomfort to take charge of your life.

FTMax, great response.

Emily, if in an ideal world you could succeed with your order, your parents will get 'loud' when you move out. If you use the resource available, to get that diagnosis, then your parents will get loud for you showing independence and self care.

Let's face it. They are going to get loud. And you can choose when. Being able to choose, means that you can prepare yourself for them getting loud.

Some of the behaviours that you are describing could be codependency (helpful linkie)

http://insidetherapy.com/codependency.html

And behaviour may be the product of emotional manipulation.

http://eqi.org/signs_of_emotionally_abused_people.htm

I have a friend who has done everything possible to prevent his son from a formal ASD diagnosis. He works in mental health care, and is in deep denial. In the end his mother took him for diagnosis independently, and incurred the wrath of the father.

One of your parents may be more responsive to your efforts than the other - divide and conquer!

Sno

Unfortunately each of us to some degree has the ability to deceive ourselves.  This ability (or disability) to deceive ourselves is so difficult for us to spot because we have bought into the false notion that something is true when it isn't.  Fantasy becomes reality, sometimes momentarily... sometimes for long periods of time.  Fiction gets stamped in our minds as fact.  The most common form of self-deception with which we all must contend is "making a mountain out of molehill" where we take minor events in our lives and make them bigger than they really are.  As I said before, on occasion we all fall into the self-deception trap.

When you wrote, "As long as my parents continue to force me to do what they want I can't just simply go get a job," you have fallen into the trap of self-deception.  This is 2 +2 = 14.  In your mind you are connecting two things that aren't really connected at all.  You need to abandon the idea that you can't get a job because your parents tell you what to do.  You need that job.  The job is the key to living an independent life.  Without the job you are simply stuck at home. 

You really need to get a job and stick at that job even though at times it may prove frustrating and disagreeable.  Almost every job has such moments.  You need to soldier on.  You need to buy into the notion that you won't leave a job voluntarily until you have found another one.  Unemployment needs to become, "not an option" in your mind. 

Remember: Employment yields independence - one paycheck at a time. 

To be honest I don't think I would consider my situation abusive. They just want what they believe in their mind is best for me and what they consider being successful.

Simply put (at least in the best way I can) my dad just wants me to have a "good" and "successful" career with a "good salary" (don't ask why he thinks teachers have good salaries) so I wouldn't have to work as too hard as he did to get where he is today with a good job and salary. That's why my parents continue to push me to continue going to college to be a teacher.

But of course I have very different ideas of being successful. If everything could go my way with my parents that I like for it to go it would be like this: I would still be turning my two year degree into a four year but instead of being a teacher I would go for General Studies something that's easy obtainable to me and I would probably be doing college online through somewhere like Arizona State University, I would probably have my diagnosis for Autism (or whatever diagnosis I may end up getting) which will enable me to get much needed help with employment and most likely will be working a small job helping to support myself and my parents (because I still love them), and I would pursue my passion for photography much more. Those are the things I would like to be doing if my parents would just simply understand me more.

Basically it comes down to their mindset like with the autism thing they have no understanding of it and even with my efforts to educate them (even showing information) they'll continue to think I don't have it. Unfortunately I just can't reason with them even when showing physical information. So really I don't consider it abuse just mindset.

Quote from: FTMax on November 19, 2016, 04:51:42 PM
Now, let me ask you this - in an ideal world, five years from now. You've gotten your diagnosis, have accessed several social programs that have helped you find housing and work, you've started to transition. You're comfortable, you're doing well all things considered. Where are your parents? 

In my own ideal world: Still living at home but my parents are supportive/accepting of me

In the real world: Probably estranged from my parents but surrounded by friends




 

 

   

Quote from: Katy on November 20, 2016, 03:49:54 AM
Unfortunately each of us to some degree has the ability to deceive ourselves.  This ability (or disability) to deceive ourselves is so difficult for us to spot because we have bought into the false notion that something is true when it isn't.  Fantasy becomes reality, sometimes momentarily... sometimes for long periods of time.  Fiction gets stamped in our minds as fact.  The most common form of self-deception with which we all must contend is "making a mountain out of molehill" where we take minor events in our lives and make them bigger than they really are.  As I said before, on occasion we all fall into the self-deception trap.

When you wrote, "As long as my parents continue to force me to do what they want I can't just simply go get a job," you have fallen into the trap of self-deception.  This is 2 +2 = 14.  In your mind you are connecting two things that aren't really connected at all.  You need to abandon the idea that you can't get a job because your parents tell you what to do.  You need that job.  The job is the key to living an independent life.  Without the job you are simply stuck at home. 

You really need to get a job and stick at that job even though at times it may prove frustrating and disagreeable.  Almost every job has such moments.  You need to soldier on.  You need to buy into the notion that you won't leave a job voluntarily until you have found another one.  Unemployment needs to become, "not an option" in your mind. 

Remember: Employment yields independence - one paycheck at a time.

Unfortunately this isn't self-deception it's really my situation sadly. Unless my parent's mindset magically changes it's gonna continue to be the same and I'll still have no choice but to move out before I can do anything I want/need in order to move forward.

And on the job subject I am gonna choose to be picky and only apply to places that are Autism friendly. So if you know of any places that are please feel free to tell me I'd appreciate it. 

  if you have no prospects but you want employment that is autistic friendly. you should find a job placement agency. i am not talking about day labor though they take money from you. i know of one moderator here that would most likely try to help find an agency in your town if you do not know where it is.

Quote from: Lily Rose on November 21, 2016, 12:05:26 AM
  if you have no prospects but you want employment that is autistic friendly. you should find a job placement agency. i am not talking about day labor though they take money from you. i know of one moderator here that would most likely try to help find an agency in your town if you do not know where it is.

Do you also know of anyway I could afford to get an official diagnosis for my autism??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 17, 2016, 11:54:08 PM
Anyone now of any banks that are Autism friendly?? I still think I might make a fairly good bank teller or something but like every other job I looked into I'm scared of getting fired for being slow. But wouldn't a bank rather someone be accurate?? And I do have some social skill where I can cope with interacting with people I just worry about getting fired for being slow. That's my biggest worry.

And also I found a therapist that like screens adults for Autism and charges like $80/hr still not sure how I'm gonna afford but it's a start. Sometimes I wish I could just ask for donations but I don't like asking people for money. And insurance is out of the question I tried talking with my parents again about seeing a therapist (by making up something totally unrelated to autism) and they again shoot it down and just did the old pep talk how I just need to be more confident that's what I'm dealing with in regards to that.       

Why don't you just apply for a bunch of jobs and tell the manager that you have a disability but you believe you can do the job with minor accommodations? The law is supposed to protect you whether you have an official diagnosis or not. The economy is getting a little better so maybe a manager will be willing to take a chance on you. Let them know in your cover letter and resume that you're really good at math and very accurate.

Also, do some sleuthing and find out what local businesses work with the disabilities services to provide jobs to folks with disabilities and then just try applying there on your own. You can even explain to the hiring manager that you haven't been able to get an official diagnosis and explain you have abilities and disabilities and you're willing to work with them to be the most valuable employee you can be.

My experience has been that autistic people have a very hard time in teaching (and if they do teach it's on the university level). You need great social skills to handle a classroom. Your parents are delusional to the max if they think this is a good direction to push you in.

EmilyRyan, you are being very frustrating here. I know you're in an emotional place where you're fixated on doing things in a certain order, but life doesn't always give us what we want in the way we want it. You need to learn to be more flexible. Another poster kindly gave you links about doing medical coding, a growing field and one where you could work from home (and perhaps without your parents knowing you are making money) and you dismissed it by saying you are bad at accounting. Medical coding is its own field, it's not accounting. Why not look into it? So what that it doesn't meet your preconceived notion about how this is going to go down? I'm autistic too, I know this rigid thinking. You are going to have to let go of it if you want to reach your goals. You are making yourself desperate and frustrated by your refusal to consider anything that is out of the box you've made for yourself. But let's face it, you haven't seen much of the world and you don't know everything. So maybe your preconceived notions are wrong??? A possibility, right?

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 20, 2016, 11:11:46 PM
Unfortunately this isn't self-deception it's really my situation sadly. Unless my parent's mindset magically changes it's gonna continue to be the same and I'll still have no choice but to move out before I can do anything I want/need in order to move forward.

And on the job subject I am gonna choose to be picky and only apply to places that are Autism friendly. So if you know of any places that are please feel free to tell me I'd appreciate it.

IN THE UNITED STATES YOU ARE LEGALLY PROTECTED AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON IN EVERY JOB. It's the law. And you don't need an "official diagnosis" as an employed person. You are functioning enough to get a job and let's face it, if you worked at Goodwill under bad conditions for two years you lasted longer than most people. Most people come and go from minimum wage jobs. I know it hurts to get fired but you can protect yourself by outing yourself to your manager after you're hired. Most of them know it's illegal to fire someone for having a disability and they must provide reasonable accommodation. If they fire you because you reveal you are disabled you have a lawsuit and they won't want that. These laws protect you whether you have a disability or not. You have this completely available to you because you are high functioning. You do not need to get an official diagnosis first. Just apply to 20-30 places and get **** job.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 27, 2016, 07:44:01 AM
EmilyRyan, you are being very frustrating here. I know you're in an emotional place where you're fixated on doing things in a certain order, but life doesn't always give us what we want in the way we want it. You need to learn to be more flexible. Another poster kindly gave you links about doing medical coding, a growing field and one where you could work from home (and perhaps without your parents knowing you are making money) and you dismissed it by saying you are bad at accounting. Medical coding is its own field, it's not accounting. Why not look into it? So what that it doesn't meet your preconceived notion about how this is going to go down? I'm autistic too, I know this rigid thinking. You are going to have to let go of it if you want to reach your goals. You are making yourself desperate and frustrated by your refusal to consider anything that is out of the box you've made for yourself. But let's face it, you haven't seen much of the world and you don't know everything. So maybe your preconceived notions are wrong??? A possibility, right?

I apologize I don't mean to be frustrating.

I realize I need to find something I'm well capable of doing a good enough job at but I still don't know what that may be or what job field I'm better suited at. Wish there was a way for me to figure this all out without 1. paying money to go to some school and 2. hope to get hired and only to realize I'm not good that particular job and suddenly I'm fired.
Is there a way to see what job fields I could be good at??

Also I was never aware I can disclose a disability without it being officially on paper I always thought you had to be diagnosed/documented by a doctor and/or therapist before you can be protected under the ADA and eligible for services.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on November 27, 2016, 07:44:01 AM
IN THE UNITED STATES YOU ARE LEGALLY PROTECTED AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON IN EVERY JOB.

For how long though if you know what I mean.

EmilyRyan, a lot earlier in this thread I gave you a post full of links from Autism Speaks.  I went back, looked and counted, and there were 20 places to get diagnosed, and 11 employment agencies listed there.

I suggested that you try Vanderbilt University first, and you replied that you had already tried there and they did not give free autism diagnosis, and then ... nothing.  Even though there were 19 other places in Tennessee that you could have contacted, nothing.

Even though there were 11 employment agencies listed, nothing.

So what's the deal?  Did you even make any effort at all to run down all those other links and talk to some people?

Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 27, 2016, 11:17:05 PM
EmilyRyan, a lot earlier in this thread I gave you a post full of links from Autism Speaks.  I went back, looked and counted, and there were 20 places to get diagnosed, and 11 employment agencies listed there.

I suggested that you try Vanderbilt University first, and you replied that you had already tried there and they did not give free autism diagnosis, and then ... nothing.  Even though there were 19 other places in Tennessee that you could have contacted, nothing.

Even though there were 11 employment agencies listed, nothing.

So what's the deal?  Did you even make any effort at all to run down all those other links and talk to some people?

I did look at all of them they're either out of my price range or only diagnose young children and like all of those employment agencies are either in Nashville or somewhere else far from where I live and I don't have the transportation to go to them.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on November 26, 2016, 09:27:19 PM
Do you also know of anyway I could afford to get an official diagnosis for my autism??

  really do not have any experience with getting a diagnoses from any type of therapist and or psychiatrist. however when i went to a employment agency (many years ago) they did help me in ever way they could to get employment and back into school. they paid for all my gas till i was employed. they paid for my g.e.d. they got my unemployment started. also paid for a two years degree and think if i had explained a situation like yours to them. they would have done anything they could to help get such a diagnoses. may not pay for it but at least find some place that would or cheapest way. then again they might very well pay for it.