Hey ladies,

Lately I've been teetering a lot lately about who I am. The waiting is hard and leaves a lot of room for me to question everything. I decided to do a little shopping. I bought some nail polish, lip stain and eye liner.

After applying the nail polish I'm feeling better. And looking forward to trying everything else on.

Loves [emoji182]❤️[emoji182]


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Yup! Our gender presentation, our appearance, helps us feel better when it reflects our gender identity.  Even a little detail like nail polish helps.  It's there, we're conscious of it, and it reflects our identity.

It's also pretty...

Yes indeed, I've had days when coming home from work I feel just awefull. Take a shower and put "my" clothes on and suddenly I'm feeling good again!

I also find I'm a bit sad and mad when I have to remove my nail polish for the job.  Hope someday that won't be an issue.

Yes, the waiting is hard.  Especially once we've realized we're going to do this thing.  And then the dysphoria starts kicking into high gear, and it really can't be stopped other than through correct gendering.  So we rush into full-time living... sometimes inadvisably.  But this is the way of it.

And, eventually, we get to the other side.  It's so, so much better on the other side. 

This evening I had a bit of a panic attack. Because I'm in school, and because of other things along with my dysphoria, I can't really work. I have a part time job at UPS. It a great start for losing weight which I'm grateful for.

However, I virtually have no money. I'm borrowing from one friend to pay another friend. I don't know what to do. I just want to scream. Throw away the possible future just to be stable now.

My living situation sucks. I have a shirt roommate who is dirty, disgusting, and had poorly trained dogs. He threatens me all the time with eviction. I'm about to lose it. I don't know what to do and I don't want to be here anymore. This life, as it is now, sucks and I've had enough.

Just so depressed right now.

[emoji17][emoji17][emoji17]


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Hey Alora,

I'm sorry to hear this!

*Hugs*

Sometimes, life is just about getting through the bad times to really enjoy the good times. I can understand that your living situation isn't great - makes everything all the more difficult, unfortunately. I'm sorry that things have to be more difficult than they already are.

It really is difficult not to get bogged down in tough times. It can feel like everything is working against you and hindering your progress. But, these tough times will make you a stronger person, and you'll be able to cope and deal better with hard times in the future. Once Alora is out shining full time, imagine how absolutely bliss your life will be?

Hang in there girl. Alora is strong, I know she is!

Bide your time. Keep taking steps forward (even if they feel like a tiniest of baby steps), because that is one less hard step you'll have to take tomorrow, which will make the future brighter!

Keep celebrating the wins, and learning from the losses. Remember the good times, take lessons from the bad times, and keep moving forward.

Love,
Karlee <3

QuoteI also find I'm a bit sad and mad when I have to remove my nail polish for the job.

Why do you have to remove it?  I used to do the same, but a few years ago I decided to stop that nonsense and wear to work.  No problem at all.  One co-worker asked how I managed to keep the polish on, as his wife's was always chipping.  On another occasion, I was doing some work in a lawyer's office.  The lawyer mentioned he often wore clear polish.  Beyond that, nothing, no problems at all.

  I've been blessed with wonderful nails that grow like bad weeds. Last night they were long, filed and painted a nice pearly pink. They looked really nice. Later I had to cut them and remove the polish. I am not out yet and  they had gotten too long, but for several days I got away with them at least being long.
   So now the cycle begins anew and I should have nice nails again in about three weeks to polish and admire before cutting them again.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

@JeannetteLW

I go for a manicure every week and pedicure every three weeks.  I keep my nails short, but a couple of the girls at the salon have suggested I try fake nails, so I can see what it's like to have them longer..  Perhaps some time I'll take them up on that.

Incidentally, I have had a lot of compliments from women, about my nail polish.