Did anyone of you ever felt so depressed, that you were unable to even get out of your bed?
     I had one such bout of depression today. My day started fine, but then, I started imagining my future coming out scenario to my friends.
   
     I thought about it a lot. I got scared of something that had not yet happened. I wasted all my morning, worrying about the scenario.

      I saw the movie "Boy Meets Girl". The movie is about a transgender girl. I watched it with a group of close friends. I found out that most of my close friends hated trans people.
       I was filled with immense sadness, you know, the feeling, when you think you are alone, in an ocean, underwater, where there is no light. And everything just feels so heavy inside. I cannot really explain it.

       My whole body began to ache, yet I couldn't locate the pain. I just felt very, very sad. I imagined what it would be like coming out to my friends.
     
        Then started the downpour of tears. I cried like I had never before. Ofcourse, alone, in my bedroom. I felt better after crying.
 
        I have never, ever felt this way, I just hope tomorrow will be better.
         

I'm sad you had to experience that. It may be that your friends would not have said these things had they known who you are which leaves you to not know if their disdain would only be overcome because they have come to like you and might understand in your case what they don't understand already.

I often feel lucky to live and work in Cambridge where I can expect the vast majority of people to be accepting of difference in the first place. On the other hand I wouldn't mind knowing how they really feel without the social façades we all adopt.

I've been told horrid things by (suburban) co-workers many years ago before I came out, for instance "gay would be bad enough, I'd rather my son be dead than transexual".

And so I have mostly given up on family, I would rather die than ever live away from some form of progressive community. My true family has been built over a period of years and are all people who are happy for me. Among my blood relatives im out with those I know to be safe and happily my daughters at least accept my need to transition and one is actively understanding and supportive.

As for your friends I suggest you pick a time to tell them you're hurt by what they said, not to blame or shame them or even to ask them to be more politically correct. You could also talk to just one or two that you feel safer with.

People should accept you for who you are and if who you are precludes friendship then perhaps you need better friends.

I will never accept friendship from someone who judges me. That limits me some but it's a cost that's not large where I live and completely worth it IMX. Like everyone, some friends have been lost to my transition and that's sad but ultimately it's their loss.

I'm not familiar with Indian society, but I am familiar with transphobia.  I know that it is very hard to change people's minds about how they feel about ->-bleeped-<-.  That includes close family and friends.  I have found it easier just to seek out and make new friends and seek support in the LGBT community than to try to change people's opinions.  Again, all I know about Indian society is from what I've read in the media and from what I've read the attitudes there are not good.  So please, above all. Be careful and be safe.

Yes, unfortunately, I have felt that way before.  Shortly after I came out to my wife, I was having really bad anxiety issues, I started to play out all of the horrible scenarios that could occur, in my mind.  It was terrible, I considered just going back into hiding and try to suppress these feelings again.  Even though I have a very supportive wife, it still scared me.

One thing that helps me cope with this, is I can do this at my own pace, that I do not need to rush into it, I think that is what scares me most.  And as I do this, I can transition alongside of my family.  Not to say I want to put off HRT, if I could do it now, I would be doing it.  Finances just make it difficult, especially being close to Christmas.

I remember in the 90s being told that you had to live as a woman for a year, before you could even begin.  That really scared me off from it all, it was outright a cruel thing to require from a person.  A person should be able to progress at their own speed, rather than be thrown out there.

I think one of the things that really got me rattled, was my wife was really gun ho about it all, which I appreciate, and do not blame her at all.  I'm the sort of person that when my mind is set on something, I like to fully immerse myself, but this is different, this is something very personal, that has years of repression involved.

I don't know if this helps at all, I hope it does, as it does for me.  It is not a race, you do not have to face all of the challenges at once, take it one day at a time.

I really do wish you the best, I also wish I had more advice that would help you out.

Quote from: zamber74 on December 04, 2016, 12:57:23 PM
Yes, unfortunately, I have felt that way before.  Shortly after I came out to my wife, I was having really bad anxiety issues, I started to play out all of the horrible scenarios that could occur, in my mind.  It was terrible, I considered just going back into hiding and try to suppress these feelings again.  Even though I have a very supportive wife, it still scared me.

One thing that helps me cope with this, is I can do this at my own pace, that I do not need to rush into it, I think that is what scares me most.  And as I do this, I can transition alongside of my family.  Not to say I want to put off HRT, if I could do it now, I would be doing it.  Finances just make it difficult, especially being close to Christmas.

I remember in the 90s being told that you had to live as a woman for a year, before you could even begin.  That really scared me off from it all, it was outright a cruel thing to require from a person.  A person should be able to progress at their own speed, rather than be thrown out there.

I think one of the things that really got me rattled, was my wife was really gun ho about it all, which I appreciate, and do not blame her at all.  I'm the sort of person that when my mind is set on something, I like to fully immerse myself, but this is different, this is something very personal, that has years of repression involved.

I don't know if this helps at all, I hope it does, as it does for me.  It is not a race, you do not have to face all of the challenges at once, take it one day at a time.

I really do wish you the best, I also wish I had more advice that would help you out.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
We are here to support each other.

Quote from: Jane Emily on December 04, 2016, 12:28:26 PM
I'm not familiar with Indian society, but I am familiar with transphobia.  I know that it is very hard to change people's minds about how they feel about ->-bleeped-<-.  That includes close family and friends.  I have found it easier just to seek out and make new friends and seek support in the LGBT community than to try to change people's opinions.  Again, all I know about Indian society is from what I've read in the media and from what I've read the attitudes there are not good.  So please, above all. Be careful and be safe.

Yes, I always try to be careful. But sometimes, the homophobic statements, they just get to me and I blow my lid off.
    Transgenders are depicted in Indian movies as a joke, and by trans, I mean MtF. ( 99% people don't even know FtM transgenders exist)
   
     India has recognized its transgenders as an official third gender, I mean, literally, you can see the words THIRD GENDER written on the passport.

      India has a very homophobic stance about the lgbt community. Being gay is illegal here.
     
        In India, the government decides what two consenting adults can do in the confines of their own bedroom.

       We have a very confusing, and very crudely written Section 377 which states that any kind of sexual act except peno-vaginal intercourse is unnatural and punishable by law.
     The lesbian community is spared from this act. So, homosexual females are legal, whereas, homosexual males are illegal. The punishment for homosexuality is on par with the punishment for rape.

        Now you can really understand, the gravity of the situation here. People just don't want to accept that there is an lgbt community in India.

        I hope this will change someday.
        Till then, the closets will be full of scared people, suffocating in silence.

Quote from: SadieBlake on December 04, 2016, 12:19:35 PM
I'm sad you had to experience that. It may be that your friends would not have said these things had they known who you are which leaves you to not know if their disdain would only be overcome because they have come to like you and might understand in your case what they don't understand already.

I often feel lucky to live and work in Cambridge where I can expect the vast majority of people to be accepting of difference in the first place. On the other hand I wouldn't mind knowing how they really feel without the social façades we all adopt.

I've been told horrid things by (suburban) co-workers many years ago before I came out, for instance "gay would be bad enough, I'd rather my son be dead than transexual".

And so I have mostly given up on family, I would rather die than ever live away from some form of progressive community. My true family has been built over a period of years and are all people who are happy for me. Among my blood relatives im out with those I know to be safe and happily my daughters at least accept my need to transition and one is actively understanding and supportive.

As for your friends I suggest you pick a time to tell them you're hurt by what they said, not to blame or shame them or even to ask them to be more politically correct. You could also talk to just one or two that you feel safer with.

People should accept you for who you are and if who you are precludes friendship then perhaps you need better friends.

I will never accept friendship from someone who judges me. That limits me some but it's a cost that's not large where I live and completely worth it IMX. Like everyone, some friends have been lost to my transition and that's sad but ultimately it's their loss.

I'll try to educate my friends. Its not really their fault. They are just trying to conform to the societal mould.
     I think they love me enough to accept me who I am.

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that Saira, I can't give much guidance as I have never been in a situation like that. I have always been lone wolf.
Though your story scares me as my best friend is from Pakistan. Now he does all the things he shouldn't as a muslim, and is generaly quiet flamboyant even.
Still i fear loosing him as a friend.
Ok, the only thing I can try help you with is how, you deal with it, you deffintly shouldn't worry about it even so, if needs be you will need to thin out the friends list, if they are hateful it is no reflection on you, and they are probably just covering themselves against each other, once one said something negative about the topic, the rest all had to follow, or the odd one out would be sentenced. Lol i have been there.
You must be strong and confident inside. Its all just information, you can get passed it, once you learn how, and you will learn, so don't worry.
i have a thick impermeable hide now, nothing anyone says now bothers me, my upbringing toughened me!
I hope it doesnt melt as hormones levels are now fully female.
Chin up girl, we are here for you.

Quote from: Saira128 on December 05, 2016, 09:48:06 AM
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
We are here to support each other.

Thank you Saira, I hope you have been feeling better since your original post.  I think we all should move to Canada, it seems like a more accepting place 

Wherever the government is run by religious zealots who believe deciding your sexual mores are their duty. Live for you not the government.

Quote from: Saira128 on December 05, 2016, 10:06:19 AM
      I'll try to educate my friends. Its not really their fault. They are just trying to conform to the societal mould.
     I think they love me enough to accept me who I am.

I did not factor or realize you're in India, or that the law was so difficult there. It's wonderful that you have the compassion to allow for your friends' views and yes in that circumstance it's not hard seeing how it's hard to be open-minded.

Best wishes and I hope you're well able to communicate with them. As you are not hijra I could image being seen as transgender could be seen as more of a sexual thing than the identity thing we know it to be.

<3 sb