so recently i just moved back in with my parent after several years of living on my own, in order to save up and such. I came out to them about a year ago, and was living life as male across the country. even most of the people i know here know me as a man and by my new name. When i moved back in, the immediately became more strict about things they never where before like dressing in mens clothing, which is especially odd since i am an adult. I was about to start T as my phycologist in my old town recommended, but after i saw their reactions, i decided to hold off. It seems that they are pushing really hard to try to get me to "forget" about it all almost, and aren't really acknowledging that it is a thing. has anyone had anything like this happen/advice?? it is incredibly stressful and has me extremely confused, also considering in the years i have been gone i have lost contact with most of the people i know in the city and now they are the only people i often interact with.

Yes, my parents did this to me. Don't live your life for your parents. They are being very selfish and small minded right now. You will never forget you are a man but you can lose your self confidence and sense of self worth this way. If I were you I'd move right back out. Isn't there a website, couchsurfing? Okay, just kidding that can be risky, but if you can earn enough to live on your own, do it.

They can try to be as strict as they want but they can't tell you squat. You are an adult. They can't ground you for not listening or even spank you. If they don't like how you are acting most they can do legally is evict you.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on December 07, 2016, 04:25:37 AM
Yes, my parents did this to me. Don't live your life for your parents. They are being very selfish and small minded right now. You will never forget you are a man but you can lose your self confidence and sense of self worth this way. If I were you I'd move right back out. Isn't there a website, couchsurfing? Okay, just kidding that can be risky, but if you can earn enough to live on your own, do it.

^ Yes.
Do -not- live your life for your parents (or anyone else but yourself for that matter). You're an adult and fully capable of making your own decisions.
Here's a good bit of advice I heard the other day: Don't sneak. Sneaking around, hiding, and generally denying who you are sends a signal off to everyone around you that you believe you're doing something wrong.
You're not.
Your parents not currently being on board with your decision, while unfortunate, is their issue and they're going to have to learn to come to terms with it eventually. Sit down with them (or go the letter route if you'd prefer) and have a discussion where you lay out what's happening so that everything is out in the open.

While I understand that saving money is an important necessity, I'd recommend that you look into other ways of doing so that don't involve staying with them if attempting to talk it out falls through.
In the meantime, try and think of it this way: If you're positive they're going to be disappointed/angry, well... they're going to be disappointed/angry about it eventually anyway. Putting your life on hold only hurts you in the long run.

Quote from: Alexthecat on December 07, 2016, 07:19:19 AM
They can try to be as strict as they want but they can't tell you squat. You are an adult. They can't ground you for not listening or even spank you. If they don't like how you are acting most they can do legally is evict you.

I agree with this.

Yes - you're living in their home and you should be expected to respect reasonable rules (like having guests over or a curfew). But I do not think it is reasonable to force someone back into the closet in exchange for housing them. I'd consider either having a talk with them or writing them a letter saying that this isn't a phase you're going through, that you're planning to transition which will entail XYZ, and that you would like them to respect your decision.

Are there any other relatives you could potentially stay with? Maybe friends who are looking for a roommate? Saving money is great but not when it would cause you significant anxiety.

The problem is if you're living under their roof they'll always feel entitled to tell you what to do. Even if you pay rent like any lodger. I think parents in general often see themselves as higher in rank than their own kids and that their kids should defer to them. It's one reason I can never share space with parents, either my own or my SO's... they just can't help telling me what to do and I can't help telling them they can't. Never ends well.

I'm an adult living with my parents so I've struggled with this a bit myself. Obviously, if you can avoid moving back in then great, but if, like me, you have no choice then I would suggest writing them a letter about how you feel or sitting down and talking with them if you're comfortable with that. Also, highly recommend if you're seeing a doctor or therapist who's helping you with your transition (or if you can find one) that you bring your parents along. They are probably way more likely to listen to another adult with authority than they are to you (their child).

As for seeming ok with things and then going back on their acceptance, I'm realizing with my own parents that a lot of this transition stuff doesn't seem real until they're forced to confront it. So if you've been living far away this probably all seemed like a far away dream to them or maybe even a phase they secretly hoped you would grow out of. But now that you're in their space again, they're having to confront what this might mean for them. If they're not the sort to kick you out it may just be a question of time and getting used to things and seeing that you are really set on this. That's why it's so important not to put your life on hold for them. Who knows if they will ever be ok with it? And, as much as it sucks to not be taken seriously, moving forward with something like T may actually force them to confront the reality of this in a way that pronouns sadly don't. If that's what you really want to do, that is.