Hello Everone,
I'm new to this. In the last 7 days I have admitted to myself that I am gender dysphoric, I have told my GP and I have told my wife (who was very accepting and understanding). A bit of history about my situation....
I was a quiet child growing up who liked to wear women's clothes, this was met with prejudice from an old friends father when he caught me wearing his daughters clothes in her room at the age of 4. This I think started a knock on effect of me hiding my true self (even from myself).
Having older siblings growing up helped shape me into what society expected of me, although in secret I would wear my sisters clothes when nobody could see. School was even worse as bullying was rife and if you were different you'd be target number 1. So on with life I went doing what everyone expected of me , pushing my real feelings deep down.
By the time I left school I had chosen to be an electrician in a 100% male environment, but all I wanted was to be around girls ( I thought I just wanted to date women which I was terrible at ).
This carried on for 10 years. I had abused drugs and alcahol not knowing why I felt so wrong, the drugs ( cannabis & cocaine ) helped me feel right for short times. It wasn't until I met my now wife that things started to click and I knew I wanted to be a girl.
We had been together for 4 months when we went on holiday together, we had a big chat and I told her I wanted to be a girl when we were drunk. I felt a weight lifted off me.
The next day she couldn't remember what I told her! I sunk back into denial, she got pregnant and that was me back in the closet for 8 years.
Now I am a 34 year old father of 2 beautiful little girls aged 6 & 7. The feeling have been ever present for as long as I can remember, even though I wasn't true to myself as to what they were.
I made up excuses to myself as to what they meant, but now I see they were all lies.
I have used distractions to hide these feeling for years, but coming out to myself has opened up a boat load of emotions and now my head is like a rollercoaster going up and down all the time.
I feel like a girl inside but the fact my outer self is male it leaves a huge hole in my heart. My head now understands it is female and it is changing. All the walls I'd built around my femininity are falling down and I am struggling to embrace them due to societal influence and social conditioning.
This has felt really good writing all this down, thank you for reading. Without all your brilliantly honest stories I would still be in the closet to myself so a very big thank you to you all 😎
