I feel like my heart been stabbed 20 or 30 times today. I sent out a message to my "old" friends that I met in life, and most of them never responded back to me and rejected my friend request. This has nothing to do with transgender stuff, but they were my friend at one point telling me their life and stuff.  Funny, my best friends tend to be people I knew 10 to 15 years ago, or I just met in the past 6 months. Everyone for the most part rejected the request (but there's a few here and there; it's confusing a bit).

I pulled out all my friends requests because I don't want to deal with rejection right now.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, if they just don't want to make contact again at all... what could be the cause?

I know these people actually like me in the past (more or less), and I didn't bad vibes from them during that time. Unless, they think I'm weird... which I am.. but I don't know. Thank you.

Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with transgender stuff?

Most people I know are pretty superficial anyway, except maybe for college and childhood friends, but even those usually become casual Facebook friends who occasionally post photos of their kids, dogs, etc.

Anything can make someone lose friends..changing political or religious views, for instance, moving to another country..anything that is outside the world of friends and family.
The old saying, "You can never go home" is true for everything, it seems. We grow and change and no longer fit in the little boxes we used to occupy. People often can't cope with these changes, which is why (most female) movie stars usually have to divorce and remarry once they become famous since the non-famous spouse usually won't accept it.

That's also true with success. As long as you are broke like your friends, they love you. You are one of them. If you suddenly become successful, they find they can't look down on you anymore and tend to distance themselves.

Which is probably why most people get new friends as they evolve through their lives.

I recently found out most of my old childhood friends on Facebook from missionary days are also Trump supporters, were posting racist/homo/transphobic memes, so I was the one showing rejection.

I'd warn them a couple of times in private messages, then defriend them if they didn't stop. The few I didn't actually defriend I tend to troll; if they post a glowing meme praising Trump for "Making American Godly Again" I usually make sarcastic remarks like, "SURE, like grabbing women's crotches, and insulting anyone non-white, non-hetero, non-cis, other religions, etc." so it's a wonder I have any friends left from that era.

Luckily, the world is full of people, so you can make new friends who appreciate you.

Trying to reconnect with "old friends..." yeah that didn't work out so well. 

To move forward, it really helps to let go of the past.

Oh Hon,

Don't feel bad!

When I transitioned (years ago) I reconnected to 'old friends' and found I had three. They are lovely and care for me. Who wants 'friends' who don't love and care for you?

Feel happy that you got rid of non-friends, they are an utter waste.

Cindy

I think Cindy nailed that one. Don't take that you weren't contacted back as an affront to you, sweetie. That's just people and life and the way it is. It's nothing personal at all. Folks get wrapped up in their  world and get myopic. Out of sight....out of mind,  its often been said.
     Its the rare individual that cares or thinks about others and their feelings. The older you get, the more you learn this lesson.

Maybe my situation is different. I had a large group who I partied, travelled, played golf with that were all men. In that group I was regarded as an Alpha male that they all looked up to for over 40 years. In a circle of powerful and influential Alphas I was their ultimate ladies man. I know my friends all expected that we would be foreven male bonded friends. I know that I abondoned that group, I know they felt that I deserted them and I accepted that many would not be able to accept the new me. I understand how they felt as I was one of them. I do not hold any ill will and I have made it easier for them as I chose to move to Bangkok. We lied to our friends and we also bear the blame. I understand and move on. life is good forget the negativity.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on December 16, 2016, 11:55:42 PM
Trying to reconnect with "old friends..." yeah that didn't work out so well. 

To move forward, it really helps to let go of the past.

True. I am just letting this all go, thankfully I will never have to work with these people or come across these people in my day to day life. It is painful, but if I didn't sent out so many request and messages the past few weeks then I wouldn't have found my friends. 2 of them I knew from childhood, 2 of them I knew from the past 2 years (the bulk of whom I thought were friends), and a few of them I knew from the past 6 months (which most accepted, but I figure I am not out of sight out of mind with them).

(I am considering blocking everyone who rejected my friend request just to 100% get the out of my mind)?

I think about these people on and off which is probably what most people don't do? I never let go of the past... maybe I am just the odd one here.

Quote from: Raell on December 16, 2016, 08:05:46 PM
Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with transgender stuff?

Most people I know are pretty superficial anyway, except maybe for college and childhood friends, but even those usually become casual Facebook friends who occasionally post photos of their kids, dogs, etc.

Anything can make someone lose friends..changing political or religious views, for instance, moving to another country..anything that is outside the world of friends and family.
The old saying, "You can never go home" is true for everything, it seems. We grow and change and no longer fit in the little boxes we used to occupy. People often can't cope with these changes, which is why (most female) movie stars usually have to divorce and remarry once they become famous since the non-famous spouse usually won't accept it.

That's also true with success. As long as you are broke like your friends, they love you. You are one of them. If you suddenly become successful, they find they can't look down on you anymore and tend to distance themselves.

Which is probably why most people get new friends as they evolve through their lives.

I recently found out most of my old childhood friends on Facebook from missionary days are also Trump supporters, were posting racist/homo/transphobic memes, so I was the one showing rejection.

I'd warn them a couple of times in private messages, then defriend them if they didn't stop. The few I didn't actually defriend I tend to troll; if they post a glowing meme praising Trump for "Making American Godly Again" I usually make sarcastic remarks like, "SURE, like grabbing women's crotches, and insulting anyone non-white, non-hetero, non-cis, other religions, etc." so it's a wonder I have any friends left from that era.

Luckily, the world is full of people, so you can make new friends who appreciate you.

It's true you can never go home. It's been too long, out of sight and out of mind. I guess this is probably a life lesson here, once you never see your friend, your friend becomes nonexistent.

The world is full of people. I'll keep moving on.

It's not because I am TG, because I haven't transition, and there's nothing on my public profile to indicate that, nor do I post pictures of my self on facebook. It's the out of out of mind... they were cool people too, but yeah moving on.

Quote from: warlockmaker on December 17, 2016, 02:28:36 AM
Maybe my situation is different. I had a large group who I partied, travelled, played golf with that were all men. In that group I was regarded as an Alpha male that they all looked up to for over 40 years. In a circle of powerful and influential Alphas I was their ultimate ladies man. I know my friends all expected that we would be foreven male bonded friends. I know that I abondoned that group, I know they felt that I deserted them and I accepted that many would not be able to accept the new me. I understand how they felt as I was one of them. I do not hold any ill will and I have made it easier for them as I chose to move to Bangkok. We lied to our friends and we also bear the blame. I understand and move on. life is good forget the negativity.

It's different because you stayed in contact with them... where as I am trying to stay in contact with people I haven't talked to in many months...  but it's still similar in the aspect of losing friends.


http://image.slidesharecdn.com/48lawsofpowerppt-12550278704967-phpapp03/95/48-laws-of-power-3-728.jpg?cb=1255009945

This is ringing true for me today.

The world and life seem to function best for those that don't see life as a static set of circumstances or adopt a victim consciousness. Those that can constantly reassess who they are and where they're headed with a plan to get there seem to be the happiest and most actualized. Warlockmaker, for instance would be the poster child for this kind of thinking.
     You are the Captain of your ship. Chart a course and steer her into safe waters towards a new exciting adventure or put her on the rocks and scuttle her. The choice of course, is always yours.

As I am still in contact with 7 or 8 kindergarten friends. Mostly girls that have known me most my life. I don't know what I would do without these friends because for 60 years they have always been there for me.

Quote from: jentay1367 on December 17, 2016, 01:55:46 PM
The world and life seem to function best for those that don't see life as a static set of circumstances or adopt a victim consciousness. Those that can constantly reassess who they are and where they're headed with a plan to get there seem to be the happiest and most actualized. Warlockmaker, for instance would be the poster child for this kind of thinking.
     You are the Captain of your ship. Chart a course and steer her into safe waters towards a new exciting adventure or put her on the rocks and scuttle her. The choice of course, is always yours.

I block everyone that rejected my friend request (that way I won't be reminded when I search things up on facebook), and not to consider giving me a reason. I am moving on. It feels good to be free from that mess.

Thanks I am done ranting about this.

Quote from: jentay1367 on December 17, 2016, 01:55:46 PM
The world and life seem to function best for those that don't see life as a static set of circumstances or adopt a victim consciousness. Those that can constantly reassess who they are and where they're headed with a plan to get there seem to be the happiest and most actualized. Warlockmaker, for instance would be the poster child for this kind of thinking.
     You are the Captain of your ship. Chart a course and steer her into safe waters towards a new exciting adventure or put her on the rocks and scuttle her. The choice of course, is always yours.

t

Yes, I always try to understand the other person. I dont see myself as the victim because I have ventured to try and understand. Many of them looked to me as their role  model and continue to do so. Others, who rejected me cannot rersist hearing about my adventure. As one friend said, I have opened the dimensions and given them food for thought. They are all of high intellect.

I have learnt from coming out in HK and the hurt I may have caused to my lifelong friends to always tell anyone who could get close to me that I am tg. I easily pass but I dont want to lie about who I am. Life is a gift, humans are not all saints but I have an inherant belief that we are basically good

Quote from: Wild Flower on December 16, 2016, 06:27:22 PM
I feel like my heart been stabbed 20 or 30 times today. I sent out a message to my "old" friends that I met in life, and most of them never responded back to me and rejected my friend request. This has nothing to do with transgender stuff, but they were my friend at one point telling me their life and stuff.  Funny, my best friends tend to be people I knew 10 to 15 years ago, or I just met in the past 6 months. Everyone for the most part rejected the request (but there's a few here and there; it's confusing a bit).

I pulled out all my friends requests because I don't want to deal with rejection right now.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, if they just don't want to make contact again at all... what could be the cause?

I know these people actually like me in the past (more or less), and I didn't bad vibes from them during that time. Unless, they think I'm weird... which I am.. but I don't know. Thank you.

Oh yeah, I've found this to be routine, and nothing to do with trans stuff (my old friends don't even know).

Those childhood friends I spent formative years with either ignore me or can't be bothered to hold a conversation.

I figure people in general - they either feel uncomfortable mixing old reality with their present reality (a lot of us do too but for different reasons), or are lazy, or see their friends as something only worth bothering with if they are a present part of their lives, someone they see every day etc.

Unfortunately, it seems people have a very short, puny,  finite, small, tiny itsy bitsy, ridiculously minuscule attention span...what were we talking about? Oh yeah.....................

      Well, the internet age with its immediate gratification culture has reduced everything to a sound bite. Entertain me dammit!!!!!! No? I'm leaving then, you're no fun, you've nothing to offer my lizard brain. Goodbye.

Quote from: T.K.G.W. on December 18, 2016, 09:50:26 AM
Oh yeah, I've found this to be routine, and nothing to do with trans stuff (my old friends don't even know).

Those childhood friends I spent formative years with either ignore me or can't be bothered to hold a conversation.

I figure people in general - they either feel uncomfortable mixing old reality with their present reality (a lot of us do too but for different reasons), or are lazy, or see their friends as something only worth bothering with if they are a present part of their lives, someone they see every day etc.

Yeah... I have no "need" for facebook then... I hold onto the past like it was yesterday, and hardly anyone is like that.

I am at the point of deleting facebook, its stressful lol, I don't think its worth it anymore because I am ruining my image by being on facebook (I am too honest and too real and too emotional about things). Thankfully I don't think it has impact my job or career or what not.... but I think I am ruining my image to the people from long time ago... nope, because I am a very multi-dimensional person, kind of like Madonna (very multifaceted person).

I am going to keep my facebook, and just log in once a month.. if no messages, then fine. But the days of me sending messages to people are long gone, the days of me sending friend requests are over. It's going to be used just for people who want stay in contact with me...'


Like the image I have here is close to the real me, and I am merging that image onto facebook (it doesn't work!?) lol

I keep an account for no other reason than many social media outlets demand you have an account to participate. But.........it is literally shut down on every level other than to merely exist and give me that access.

Here's something that can help, if you're serious.

I use FB to stay in touch with current friends, but I've never used my real name on that thing.

I found out that people at work use it as a means to creep on their coworkers, bosses to look up their staff, etc and that doesn't sit well with me. The idea you could go for a job interview and they'd go look you up to find out personal info on you...? Yeah, nope. I've had bosses who went creeper on me to try to find some dirt as a reason to fire me before and I wasn't going to give them a helping hand in that.

So I use it superficially, you might say.

I'm on Facebook, but boldly retweeting links (which feed to Facebook) to articles denouncing Trump, supporting trans/gay groups, actively warning people in private messages who post homo/trans/racist hate memes- then defriending them, trolling people who gloat "we won!" about Trump by sarcastically commenting "YAY for the KKK, White Supremacists, down with non-whites, non-heteros, non cis people," etc.

I probably "should" get off Facebook, except that's how I contact my daughter and many friends who share my beliefs-mostly non-religious!

But since I don't dress differently than I ever did, one can't tell I'm partially transmale from my photo and my brief personal posts are about trips to the beach, movies, etc.

I know the feeling. I did that when I first transitioned and got the same results. Ex's I used to still be friends with freaked out, and I lost a lot of friends I considered friends when I first started transitioning, and lost others along the way. They would hang out abit here and there, and when they found out it wasn't a 'phase' they just played the 'too busy' card till I gave up on them, or they downright blocked me. Most of my closest friends are people ive met since I transitioned. Some I met on here, others I met while in college.