I like coming out to people.

I've come out to about 60 or more people, most one-on-one so I've gotten pretty good at it and anticipating what people's reaction are going to be.  Yesterday was the first time I had come out to someone on the phone. He was my best friend through high school and beyond.  I wanted to do it in person, but I was about to have dinner with his sister and wanted to tell them in the right order.

This is the interesting part - the Q/A was slightly different which led me to a realization as to why I need to transition.  When I was growing up every day I would think "I'm a boy, bummer! I wish I was a girl."  This thought wouldn't be once a year, it was EVERY DAY.  Then when life got busy (kids, career...) it went down to a few times per week.  Then when life settled down it ramped up logarithmically such that I could think about nothing else.  Work & life started to suffer.  I didn't sleep more than a couple of hours a night for weeks.  Being a girl was all I could think about.

This is what I learned yesterday - others NEVER THINK THIS.  Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this - they never think about their gender AT ALL.  My wife tells me she has never considered her gender, she just is who she is.

When I talked about this to my wife (who is not happy about my transition), started to understand what it was/is like for me.

Bottom line - coming out to my friends and talking and being open to them may have saved my marriage.

Maybe I'm not such a loon after all.

Quote from: Denise on December 11, 2016, 10:31:52 AM
This is what I learned yesterday - others NEVER THINK THIS.  Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this - they never think about their gender AT ALL.  My wife tells me she has never considered her gender, she just is who she is.

I think I may be just as surprised to find this out as you are.  It makes sense, but my mind is still a bit blown.  The thing is I've never talked to anyone about how I feel, besides my wife, so it never really comes up.  I thought perhaps every once in a while, they might think it, just not as much as I did.

If you're loony, so am I. I like telling people I'm a big old ->-bleeped-<- as well. The more homophobic, misinformed and ignorant they are, the more I enjoy it. I suspect I'm a bit of a sadist as well as a ->-bleeped-<-. Hey...whatchya' gonna do? Things is what they is.
      I had the epiphany that cis people never think about their gender as well. It's one of my ways of defining my condition. I tell them, imagine something that encompasses every waking moment of your life, EVERY...WAKING....MOMENT!.... then you go to sleep and dream about it....ALL NIGHT!  A certain recipe for going mad.
      My wife used to ask my why I couldn't pay attention to anything that was being told to me, why I would constantly embarrass myself by asking something of someone they'd told me just 10 minutes prior. Why I was so damned rude and showed such disrespect for people by never listening to them. Well, now she knows, I wasn't rude, I was ill. Sicker than I even knew.
     I do none of that anymore. I'm engaged, and others tell me I'm engaging. I had no idea being alive on the planet could be such a pleasure.  Life is good for me. I'm so glad I finally snapped out of it. Late......very late....but not too late.

So I was reading you post just going along with nothing seeming unusual then

Quotewhat I learned yesterday - others NEVER THINK THIS.  Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this - they never think about their gender AT ALL.

All I could think of was WHAT? I mean it makes sense logically, but I cannot imagine what that experience is even like. I guess I'm loony too! 

Quote from: Denise on December 11, 2016, 10:31:52 AM


This is what I learned yesterday - others NEVER THINK THIS.  Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this - they never think about their gender AT ALL.  My wife tells me she has never considered her gender, she just is who she is.

Maybe I'm not such a loon after all.

Each and every time I have tried to explain stuff to people in my family or friends I find out that as far as they are concerned they have "Never" thought about gender...ever

The first thought I can ever remember having is that I am a girl and I had to have been no more than 5-6yrs old. how does a 5 year old kid in 1968 come up with this stuff...I was so badly dysphoric as a child I used to "rock" myself to sleep and when asked by my parents why I rocked myself to sleep and I would tell them to "stop the feeling"... "the feeling" was when I was disassociating which for those who have experienced it, it is not nice at all...I only know this because during my second attempt to come out and transition I experienced the same sensation only once when describing some very horrible child abuse at age 12. One minute I was sitting talking to the therapist and the next I was standing with my hand on the door handle and the sensation I felt was like... falling out of yourself. It is the one and only time it ever happened to me as an adult and was at its worst between 10 and 15....sorry I digress. I just got back a memory which I have to say I would rather not have....Oh well just add it to the pile.

No cis-guy I have ever met has ever contemplated his gender until I have asked him how he felt about it...my 58 year brother said to me when I came out to him that, that particular day, was the first time he had ever thought about his gender

Liz

Quote from: Denise on December 11, 2016, 10:31:52 AM

This is what I learned yesterday - others NEVER THINK THIS.  Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this - they never think about their gender AT ALL.  My wife tells me she has never considered her gender, she just is who she is.

When I talked about this to my wife (who is not happy about my transition), started to understand what it was/is like for me.

I haven't  come out to too many people yet but most everything else you say is my situation also. 

It also hadn't occurred to me that others never question their gender.  I thonk people tend to assume that everyone does the things the same way that they do.  I suppose I figured cis folk just didn't question as often and it doesn't cause them issues, not that it never even occurs to them to think about it. 

I read something that relates to this but didn't really connect it until now.  If you're trying to explain to a cis-male for example,  you don't you ask them to imagine they are really female, you
ask them to imagine they were born with a female body.

Not having come out to anyone that I've needed to try to explain it to yet I don't know if this helps or not.  I'll try it next time my wife feels like actually talking instead of denying or yelling.

I have informed my Family years ago of being Bi-Sexual but as I have gotten older and me being small framed and never seem to gain muscle mass, nor weight I have been told by people that i have a female shape even though I have male parts, in my mind I am Bi-Sexual because I do find females very attractive, but with males I only look for how BIG their endowment is, I had also thought of this just being a faze in my life experiencing curiosity between both gender's however I now more than ever want to have breasts ..... As for society is concerned I am afraid to admit to what I like in public as I have allowed society brain wash me for many, many years.  You are not alone there are so many of us that thinks the same thing!   

Most people seem oblivious to gender as a concept beyond what they see, and what they do see can often be just some rough, instinctive appraisal.

I'm glad it improved things for you. I find it difficult to find people who can appreciate the concept of trans when they aren't though. I mean there are sympathetic people, but whether you can really understand without experience I don't know. It's a mind job for me and I've dealt with it my whole life... who knows how others can get their head around it

Quote from: Denise on December 11, 2016, 10:31:52 AM
Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this - they never think about their gender AT ALL.

This is pretty accurate. It's also what we tell people if they are trying to figure out if they are trans, most cis people never wonder that to begin with.

Quote from: Denise on December 11, 2016, 10:31:52 AM
This is what I learned yesterday - others NEVER THINK THIS.  Not only do non-Gender Dysphoric people never think about this ...

Which is why my basic "Rule of Thumb" is if you think you are TG, you are. The real trick is sorting out where in the spectrum you are living and can live