So I'm in a bit of a situation :/

I'm a cis male guy who is currently 'on a break' from my trans partner of about a year. My partner has had 'top' surgery but has yet to have 'bottom' surgery. He had been on T for about 3 years but unfortunately had to come off for a few months.

We previously didn't use a condom because he told me there was no / little risk of pregnancy because he had been on T for so long. However, when he came off, he started to bleed. This made me freak out a little afterwards as I saw that things could potentially get working again after such a long time on T. It made me research the effectiveness of T as a contraceptive. Turns out it's not regarded as one at all.

Now he is back on T and wants to continue without a condom. He said he'd find it difficult to connect because he is spiritual and would regard it as 'bad sex'. He gave me the option of being in an open relationship or ending things.

But I don't want to take that risk. Neither of us are ready to be fathers so I would like to take as many precautions as possible.

He also told me, upon discussion, that he doesn't want a hysto. Which would mean that we'd have to use condoms until we were potentially ready to take the risk.

However now I'm put in a situation where I give in and we have unprotected sex, or we split up (open is not an option for me - to see him having unprotected sex with other guys :/) 


I guess my questions are :

1. Do you regard T as a contraceptive?

2. Would you use a condom (in this situation?)

3. Am I wrong to want to use a condom?

4. Any further advice?

Thank you

Have you considered a diaphragm or IUD?

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You are taking a big unnecessary risk.

mac1 is correct and I think you have done the research and know the risk is great that he could get pg.  Is he seeing therapist as this is a good topic to discuss with your therapist.

The_SeeJay, Denise has a good idea, would he be interested in either of there, IUD maybe best.

Far as I know nobody should rely on T as a contraceptive if they still have their reproductive system intact, they usually mention this at the GIC.

If you're not ready for the risk then yes, it is totally within your right to want to use a contraceptive yourself. I would.

Quote from: The_SeeJay on December 21, 2016, 04:56:07 AM
1. Do you regard T as a contraceptive?

Absolutely not. It's entirely possible to fall pregnant whilst on T, even if he isn't bleeding. Never forget that ovulation occurs about 2 weeks before a menstrual period, so it's entirely possible for him to ovulate at any time without even knowing it's happened. And it's also possible for him to ovulate but not menstruate, especially whilst on T.

Quote from: The_SeeJay on December 21, 2016, 04:56:07 AM
2. Would you use a condom (in this situation?)

It's a personal choice, but I've always used condoms as my preferred method of contraception anyway. Condoms are great but not 100% effective and there are many other forms of contraception available. For example, it's possible for him to take some forms of the Pill as a contraceptive whilst still using T. There are also IUDs, implants, patches, vaginal rings, caps, diaphragms, internal condoms... etc. etc. You could even have a vasectomy.

Quote from: The_SeeJay on December 21, 2016, 04:56:07 AM
3. Am I wrong to want to use a condom? 

Absolutely not! You are responsible for your own reproductive health & choices, so if you feel a condom is right for you, you're perfectly entitled to use one, and to refuse to have PiV sex without one. But just as you have the right to make your choices, so too does your partner: he is entitled to choose what is put in his body so he has the right to refuse sex with you if he doesn't want you to use a condom.

Quote from: The_SeeJay on December 21, 2016, 04:56:07 AM
4. Any further advice?

I'd recommend you both visit a sexual health/family planning clinic and ask them what your options are as a couple. I presume you both know your STD status, as that should be the very first thing you investigate before considering unprotected sex with anyone. The clinic will be able to go through all the different types of contraception with you and help you come to a mutually agreeable solution.

If you're keen on using condoms, there are different kinds of them on the market. Most are latex, but there are ones made from other materials that he might find more acceptable. It's worth investigating them & having another discussion with him.

Also, bear in mind that sex does not have to be PiV all the time... there are plenty of other ways of doing it that have absolutely no risk of pregnancy.

Final thought: if he's so insistent on unprotected sex, is it possible that he is actually trying to fall pregnant?

1. Don't have sex with someone who is so ignorant that they don't even understand the effects of the medication they're on. I'm really glad that you didn't have any accidents previously.

2. No. You should use a condom or he should consider alternative forms of birth control like the shot, an IUD, a non-hormonal pill, etc.

3. Yes, he is super wrong. Also, crazy for wanting to pursue unprotected sex with multiple partners. And you don't want to put your dick in crazy OR be on the hook if some other dude gets him pregnant.

I'd be really worried about having sex with someone who insists on unprotected sex, especially if they're looking at having multiple partners. Pregnancy is a risk, but also, if your partner wants to open things up, you're at a greater risk for STIs. It sounds like your partner is being irresponsible with his health and yours. This doesn't sound like a healthy arrangement to me.