Slightly Offended By My Friend
So after 1 week from my tracheal shave and had my stitches removed, I showed my friend my healing process.
Long story short, I did my tracheal shave "Thus Quickly" was because my parents were out of town for a few weeks, and I really wanted this surgery.
But I knew If I told them they would disprove, but I had to do it.  It was one of the things I felt I needed to do in order to pass.
   Anyways way back in summer 2016 I told her I was transitioning.  We don't talk much since then till now, but now that I did my operation I told her.
She also told me she doesn't understand the transgender world.  Anyways so we started talking I told her about my history about cross dressing as a teen, how my parents always wanted more male friends,
makeup, buying female clothing, trying on make up, aslo told her how my parents were always against me having female clothing as gifts from my gf. To be honest I don't mind putting on make up and wearing women clothing.  If it looks nice i'll buy it.
Now of course I have never came out to my parents, well because my parents are very old school very traditional and christian.
Then I told my friend how even if I did come out to my parents they shouldn't be surprised I am transgender.  I do have history owning/wearing women cloths and accessories.  I do have bottles of estrogen gel laying in my room, and before HRT my mom actually found herbal breast enhancement pills in my bag, and it really shouldn't be a surprise.
   Then my friend told me from the way it sounds, it sounds like I want my parents to find out I am trans with out telling them.  Then she told me I should really think really carefully before doing anymore "permanent" change.
The worst part is she told me "From the way you are talking I don't think you are trans,because I have heard a lot of transsexuals, or transgender people, they don't talk the way you do.  But the way it sounds it doesn't seem you identify as female or what ever, I am just not comfortable with who you are."
SO.......after that I was like WHAT !! What do you mean the way I talk I don't sound transgender what does that even mean.  She told me it sound's like I am not comfortable with myself and I need to figure it out. Yeah..hello I want a female body and not comfortable with my male body. 

My experience has been that many cis gender people find it "difficult to take us seriously" while we are still presenting to them as our assigned gender. They usually don't understand the nature or process of transition, they may have very weird ideas about what actually constitutes being trans. It's a shame your friend doesn't want to get with the program but she's not saying anything I haven't heard from other cis people before, some of them friends.

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 21, 2016, 05:36:28 PM
My experience has been that many cis gender people find it "difficult to take us seriously" while we are still presenting to them as our assigned gender. They usually don't understand the nature or process of transition, they may have very weird ideas about what actually constitutes being trans. It's a shame your friend doesn't want to get with the program but she's not saying anything I haven't heard from other cis people before, some of them friends.

So its normal/common to hear that from a cis gender person?

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Transition stories in media don't cover the transwomen stuck in male presentation. It's all make overs and quick change. So ignorance about the issue is to be expected.

Quote from: JMJW on December 21, 2016, 06:52:21 PM
Transition stories in media don't cover the transwomen stuck in male presentation. It's all make overs and quick change. So ignorance about the issue is to be expected.

I just wish people were just a bit more educated, even pharmacist too.   When I got my first prescription the pharmacist said,  did your endocrinologist write that correctly?  That's is a high dosage.

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Quote from: Mikka55 on December 21, 2016, 08:35:29 PM
I just wish people were just a bit more educated, even pharmacist too.   When I got my first prescription the pharmacist said,  did your endocrinologist write that correctly?  That's is a high dosage.

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That's when you play with people. Possible responses.
1. I hope so. (leave them scratching their head over the meaning of the response)
2. It's intended to grow boobs on a board. (that is really in their face)

Quote from: Mikka55 on December 21, 2016, 08:35:29 PM
I just wish people were just a bit more educated...

Ignorance and lack of knowledge abounds, even amongst trans people. Transition may be an issue looming big on our horizon but for many cis people it is barely a blip on their radar so they're unlikely to bother learning more.

Ignorance is one thing, but rudeness, discrimination and bigotry is something else altogether. Someone can be ignorant but that doesn't mean they can't be accepting and supportive and try to learn more with an open mind when the issue intersects with their life through other people.

It's a strange thing but once you tell some people about your transition plans, it's likely they'll suddenly become some expert on who you are and who you've always been.

That's been one of the most frustrating (and amusing) things to see once I came out. It was like I'd just said to these people I was finally doing something after suffering in silence for as long as I can remember, and they'd proceed to tell me how I was probably just having a little crisis or something. Real hard to not burst out laughing or in annoyance at the same time.

That said, I didn't bother telling them the details. Most people if left alone seem to have thought about it and eventually come back to me knowing what I'm going to do and just dealing with it. I'm sure if I tried to beg for their acceptance I'd never get it. If I tried to explain I'd never get through.

Unlike a lot of people I was a visibly troubled kid. Almost nobody that knows me can deny there was a problem there that ties into this. But for people who fitted in better... some are going to have difficulty accepting that you ever had a problem if they couldn't see it in the past.

QuoteShe told me it sound's like I am not comfortable with myself and I need to figure it out. Yeah..hello I want a female body and not comfortable with my male body.

As a group, we seem to look for reasons to be offended. Question you should ask yourself is why you give damn what she thinks about you. Most people have a vested interest in you remaining the same as you've always been. People are like friggin' cats, they hate change and rail against it.  I'll say something I said here to someone last week.

Her opinion of you is none of your business.

It has nothing to do with what you're doing or where you're going. Arguing about it will get you nothing. Now....once you're there and had GCS and a BA and whatever else you've planned and living as a woman every day, then, if she still comes off with all that crap, you can look right in her eyes, and say......................

LOOK AT ME! SNAP OUT OF IT!

Quote from: Kylo on December 22, 2016, 10:23:09 AM
It's a strange thing but once you tell some people about your transition plans, it's likely they'll suddenly become some expert on who you are and who you've always been.

Very true!

Well now I find it a bit funny because at first she didn't understand it then all of the sudden.   "By the way you sound I don't think you are trans".Not everyone is the same,  not everyone acts the same. Not sure where she got her sources from.  If its youtube/media...She should know youtube and the media does not represent everyone in the trans community.  Its like saying by the way you talk and act,  I don't think you are gay.  Not everyone who is gay need to act and look gay.  Just saying.  I didn't mean to offend anyone.

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Quote from: Mikka55 on December 22, 2016, 02:00:22 PM
...at first she didn't understand it then all of the sudden.   "By the way you sound I don't think you are trans".Not everyone is the same,  not everyone acts the same. Not sure where she got her sources from. 

Exactly

Quote from: Mikka55 on December 21, 2016, 05:04:21 PM
Then my friend told me from the way it sounds, it sounds like I want my parents to find out I am trans with out telling them.  Then she told me I should really think really carefully before doing anymore "permanent" change.
The worst part is she told me "From the way you are talking I don't think you are trans,because I have heard a lot of transsexuals, or transgender people, they don't talk the way you do.  But the way it sounds it doesn't seem you identify as female or what ever, I am just not comfortable with who you are."
SO.......after that I was like WHAT !! What do you mean the way I talk I don't sound transgender what does that even mean.  She told me it sound's like I am not comfortable with myself and I need to figure it out. Yeah..hello I want a female body and not comfortable with my male body.

You are entitled your life and your choices, and transitioning is a very personal and profound event.  You are not entitled to validation of your choices, nor should you automatically expect other people's acceptance of your transgenderedness, or your transition. 

If your friend (and I assuming she really is your friend) tells you something that strikes you the wrong way, then you should take the time to try to understand what they are saying. You don't have to agree with it, but if you want to have friends, cis or trans, you have to listen to what other people say. 

Quote from: Mikka55 on December 22, 2016, 02:00:22 PM
Well now I find it a bit funny because at first she didn't understand it then all of the sudden.   "By the way you sound I don't think you are trans".Not everyone is the same,  not everyone acts the same. Not sure where she got her sources from.  If its youtube/media...She should know youtube and the media does not represent everyone in the trans community.  Its like saying by the way you talk and act,  I don't think you are gay.  Not everyone who is gay need to act and look gay.  Just saying.  I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I think you figured it out by yourself.

With kindness,

Terri

I'm starting to see a pattern.. In my other post I said I met someone from work and once I told her i was trans/non-binary it shocked her... One commo  n thing I am seeing so far... Alot lot cis-females turn to youtube to try to understand what being trans it. But there are so many trans folks out there,  and everyone's experience is different. So next time I meet someone I should tell them I am Trans/Non-Binary/Gender Fluid.. So I can narrow it down for them.

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