Well before I came out to my mom I was reading a lot on this forum and the experiences of others helped me so maybe my story will help someone else.

I had planed this talk for a while since I only see my mom every 6 month for a few days and some changes got more and more obvious so the talk was necessary.

So to start the talk a told her "I have something important to tell you". And then told her "I am transgender". Which followed with her question "what is that?". So I explained. That I never felt like a man and that I never recognised myself in the mirror. What surprised me was that she had an argument for every thing.
There are men who only hang out with girls. Or The husband of X also sews clothings for their baby so sewing is also normal. And not everybody like how they look in the mirror.
After that she tried to bargain with me. Maybe I just like women clothings. A man can like to wear women's clothings and still be a man.
And since I still like woman it is clearly a sign I am still a man since men like women.
And at the end of the talking she went over to guilt.
This transition is will cause a lot of change not for me but all the others who know me for years. Like the neighbour of my mom with whom I have talked 20 sentences in the last 30 years. How is she going to cope with this? This trouble is caused by my transition. And even worse how are my aunt and uncle going to cope with this. They know me for all my life and we see each other 1 day a year. And they do not know what I like, do in my free time or even know what my job is. Now all this will be in question.

In the end she did not accept me but also did not cut the ties.

Please consider for whom you are transitioning.  Is it your mother, aunt, uncle, neighbor or you.  I'm sorry they don't understand what you are going through.

Describing what life is for us is difficult to CIS individuals. Especially if they are older.  My parents logically understood but don't believe "I have that condition".  They assume that reading a web site for a few hours that they have all the answers on gender dysphoria.

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Sounds like you did well.

Women, mothers in particular, often use guilt to try to get their children back in line. If she's still talking to you, consider it a win.

Mostly, she is thinking of what the people she mentioned will think of HER. Older people have often been taught that anything that goes amiss with their children is THEIR fault. She might fear disgrace, being laughed at behind her back.

Your mother's response is how I imagine my mother's will be when I finally come out to her. My suggestion to you is to just give her some time. She's probably in shock, and people in shock don't always act logically.

I have a bunch of old long distance relatives that don't know me by my male name and don't understand that I'm transgender. My grandmother says there's no point in coming out to them because they won't understand it at all. She also doesn't understand it. They keep telling me how shocking it is to people and how no one will understand it. As much as I'd like to disown my family my circumstances don't allow me to. I am disabled and dependent on my family for housing and they need me too. The little family I have left won't last forever. They're getting very old.

First. Congratulations. That took a lot of guts. And I'm sorry your mom had such a bad reaction. I'm sure you're feeling pretty fragile right now and that's normal.  You will feel that way for a while.  But now you are not hiding your heart from her and she can choose to love you as you are. It's her choice now.  If it's any consolation. Been there.

And so have a lot of trans women and men I know. You're definitely not alone.

Hi Anna,
   Jane Emily is right. It took a lot of guts and Congratulations on doing it. I think it becomes real to people only after it sinks in after a little. I still maintain that when people are told  how we see our choices, it is a little harder for them to blow it off. My choice, and I expressed it when coming out, was 1, be miserable with the status quo or 2 have a chance at happiness. Parents and family don't generally like thinking of their children as miserable. Of course, there are those that can't accept anything about it. It sounds like you have a chance for it to improve. It sounds like she doesn't understand the depth of the feelings you have.
Monica

I agree.
The response could have been MUCH, MUCH worse.
Sounds like she loves you and has no intention of rejecting you. Perhaps she's just counting the cost right now to her reputation and will soon decide that the opinions of her friends/family don't matter as much as having you in her life.

Thank you very much for your kind words.
So after the talk with my mom I had 1.3 more days to spend with her. And this is what happened:

The day after the talk:
The most of the days was spend like nothing ever happened. And as long as you do not look to closely I still look like a guy. We talked again about my "problem". She admitted that when she woke up that morning she thought/hoped it was nothing but a bad dream. But the realization came soon. Still the day went past like normal. But when the sun went down we talked again. This time she was more interested in learning how I live in my far away city. Practically she asked me for every thing: "Do you do that as a man or woman?". And I would answer:"as a woman". At one point I got a bit irritated after telling her that I would go "except work" every where as a woman she asked me "but at new year when you meet your friends how do you go then?". I let her guess and she guessed as male, which I corrected. I also showed her pictures of me as a woman. But two pictures were enough which was ok with me. She was also interested in who knew that I was a woman. Which is most people except work and family. But then came a problem. At the end of next year is a big party in honor of my mom. So all my family will come. She asked me if I would come as a woman or man. And I told her that I would be a woman full time starting in 4 month, therefore yes I would come as a woman. She asked me if I could dress as a man since I was dressing like one for the last 20+ years. I argued that that would make me feel uncomfortable. But she had a solution. I just don't come. I was confused would it not be akward if the only child would not come? But for that she also had a plan. Should people ask, I say I am in the hospital. This kinda hit me hard. I fell back in my neutral state cutting of all emotions. I do not remember much what we talked after that.

The next day:
We talked a bit more about my clothing. With arguments like when you wear pants and pullover as a woman why not continue use your male clothing? We also talked since when I new I was a woman and why I came out now and not like 10 years ago. I told her the reasons why now and not earlier. In the end she cried and I sat there emotionless. She told me when I left that she is ok with me but does not want me to come out to any one else. She did not beg but asked me with a lot of pleases, that when I come to visit which would be in 5 month due to a convention 40 min away from my mom by car. That I should come as a man. I think I said ok but I do not remember. At that time I already thought about not visiting.

Now 2 days after she told me that she does not want me as a woman on her party. I can let my emotions out again.

I understand that she needs time to get used to it. But is she going to get used to it? We text from time to time about unimportant stuff like weather or food. This will make it possible for her to ignore the changes and live in her bubble.

Also what hits me now is the fact that she is ashamed of me.
As long as I remember people told me that they were proud of me. Everybody in my family tells me they are so proud of me. I have over the course of my 30 years more diploma, certificates and qualifications than every other family member. Even my job is so complicated that no one really understands what I do. Especially my mom she was so proud of me. And now she is ashamed of me.
Well that is a new feeling for me, no one was ever ashamed of me.
Luckily my supervisor could feel my stress, even while he is on an other continent over the holidays, to put me on a hard dead line which could threaten some advances in my job and push me back a year.

Well enough whining over the internet and back to work. 

Again thanks for your kind words.

Gracious! I'm so sorry.

It's what I told my ex-husband who recently came out to me as a non-binary woman. He has lived in a white, hetero male privilege bubble all his life..6' 1" tall, former football player, the pride of his wealthy Republican family, a former Navy pilot, former airline pilot, a long-time airline pilot instructor.

Suddenly, at age 64, he said he wants to come out as female. He doesn't realize what is going to happen to him. He has lived in a bubble or respect and admiration all his life and doesn't know he could be cut from his millionaire mom's will, blackballed from his family, lose his reputation, his income, find himself persecuted during the Trump administration by the white evangelical fanatic Trumpites.

I feel so bad for him. I've been a female all my life, although part of me identifies as male. I already know how females are treated, ignored, considered invisible, how proud my parents were of my brothers, but their girls were ignored. How everything in a religious, Republican family revolves around the MEN.

In a way, I didn't fully realize the impact, because I didn't "want" to be male..I knew I WAS male.

I'm sorry that your mom is ashamed of you.  Same here tho.  My mom won't even look at me.  When I came out as gay to her in 1994 she totally rejected and abandoned me. She refused to acknowledge my existence for over 5 years.  Made for some awkward family gatherings because my dad said, "You're my son and I'll always love you. No matter what."  Then he said, "I kinda figured that's what was going on with you."   We hugged. I cried. And things were good with us.  My mom and I eventually reached a sort of truce for many years, but it was tough. When I came out as trans it was the same thing all over again tho.

But I love my mom. I always will. That doesn't change.

And the door is always open on my side.

Anna,
   I am very sorry for the pain from telling your Mom. That is some tough stuff to deal with certainly. It really sounds like she is trying to pull out all the stops  to try to keep you from changing. I am wondering if, when it becomes obvious that this will not work, maybe she will stop fighting it. It may be a long road to acceptance in her case, but it may happen. I hope you will also stay strong in knowing that you are doing nothing to be ashamed of.
Monica