I'm not sure if other people experience the same thing or if I'm just mental. I find it hard going outside because I'm constantly aware of my surroundings. I feel like I can't relax even though logically I know nothing bad will happen to me. If I'm somewhere like a supermarket or shopping centre I always feel out of it. Like I'm floating and I'm not really there. I find it hard concentrating on anything. This feeling has slightly improved but not by much. Even if I'm sitting in a quiet place with just a few people I can't relax. My senses become overloaded. I always find it extremely difficult focusing on one thing. I'm able to read a book but can only read a few pages. I can watch tv but find it hard to not look at my phone a few times. I find it hard to concentrate my thoughts on any one thing. I always need to be doing something but I have no idea what. And if I do decide on something I find I get sensory overload from being outside or simply lose interest and find my mind drifting to something else. If I do on rare occasions decide to socialise I have no clue how to read people or know what to say. I have no clue how to bond with people. It's like everyone has been given a manual on how to socialise but for some reason I was left out. I just always feel like I'm drifting and I'm not really connected to any one person ir to anyone I'm talking too. I've had social anxiety since I was 8 but it's vastly improved since I've had therapy. Yet my brain is still is unable to function properly. I've been semi aware that I'm like this for years but have only been fully aware and able to think it through recently.

I feel exhausted. I just want to be able to go outside and feel connected to my surroundings. I want to be able to go to a busy place and not feel out of it within just a few mins. I just want to feel present instead of always somewhere else.

Sounds like you have hyper-awareness. Makes dealing with people and the outside world exhausting.

The way to learn how to bond with people is to put yourself into more situations in which you can do so - go and be social, and pay attention to how others do it... and use your imagination, too, to be the sort of person you would want to converse with. Not the answer anyone with anxiety wants to hear, but I had horrible anxiety from a young age and that was how I fixed it. I have none of it any longer. It took a few years, but it's not something closed off to you or impossible to fix. If therapy helped you, then more interaction almost certainly will.

You might also need to work on how you perceive yourself within the world. A big part of anxiety comes from feeling inferior in some way. Work on building yourself up mentally. If you're the rationalizing type like me, rationalize how you are not inferior and not unable to deal with/overcome this.

Quote from: Kylo on December 26, 2016, 07:53:31 PM
Sounds like you have hyper-awareness. Makes dealing with people and the outside world exhausting.

The way to learn how to bond with people is to put yourself into more situations in which you can do so - go and be social, and pay attention to how others do it... and use your imagination, too, to be the sort of person you would want to converse with. Not the answer anyone with anxiety wants to hear, but I had horrible anxiety from a young age and that was how I fixed it. I have none of it any longer. It took a few years, but it's not something closed off to you or impossible to fix. If therapy helped you, then more interaction almost certainly will.

You might also need to work on how you perceive yourself within the world. A big part of anxiety comes from feeling inferior in some way. Work on building yourself up mentally. If you're the rationalizing type like me, rationalize how you are not inferior and not unable to deal with/overcome this.

Thank you. I hadn't heard of hyper-awareness before but it makes sense. I'm able to socialise a lot more than I used to be able too. I've found an LGBT social group which I go too reguarly which I would have find impossible a year ago. I try to think up a persona for myself and try to pretend I'm more confident than I am. But then I feel like I'm just being fake and that my personality is fake.

It's hard to not feel inferior when all my life someone has implied the opposite. From therapy I learnt anxiety is actually extremely common which makes me feel less like a freak. But I still feel like I'm nothing special and a hindrance more than anything else.

I'm starting to wonder if i have autism or ADD or if I'm just simply an anxious mess. It would be wonderful if I could simply take a drug and not feel disconnected all the time but life ain't that simple I guess.

Drugs won't help with this problem.

Like you, as a kid I felt devoid of any real personality or something like that. I think for a while I was, I was just taking it all in and processing, but nothing came out. What the real problem seemed to be was that I was too disconnected - I didn't watch the same things other people did, didn't know what they were talking about, didn't share the same passions, didn't attend the same events... so there was never anything to talk about. It became a case of deciding what sort of person I was going to be and having to use that as a guide. Not sure if I turned out exactly that way, but it helped. It helps to have role models, people to study. It helps to just be involved because you have a connection point to begin an interaction with, and something to bond over. Guys typically bond over things they have done together or interests they share. If you don't do much, there's not much of an anchor there.

More experience with more people will make interactions easier. Until they just become routine. Even boring. You might find yourself the life and soul of a party in the end if you overcome your confidence issues. Fortunately confidence is something you can get just by doing enough.

You do have to try to be the sort of person you want to be. Doesn't materialize on its own. You have to want it, and do it. Do it for long enough and with conviction and it will become incorporated into yourself, into your personality.

Have you considered that you might be what is called an empath?


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Quote from: Valkyrie_2 on December 27, 2016, 01:57:05 PM
Have you considered that you might be what is called an empath?


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I'm able to sense whenever somebody is angry or upset with me but that's about it; I have trouble picking up why that is or any other emotions.

Have you always been like this or is it something that happened over time? If it has always been this way for you, it sounds like you have both aspergers and ADD. You might want to test it then. If you have ADD there are medications and for aspergers you can get some help as well. Otherwise it could be medical. For example iron deficiency anemia can cause anxiety and difficulty concentrating. I had that for two whole years and had to take ADHD meds because the damn doctors couldn't figure out what it was. Iron deficiency is very common in vegetarians. If you test that make sure to ask for the ferritin test.

A person in my family has both aspergers and ADHD. He appears to be completely normal, way more than me, but once you get to know him you can tell that he has some issues. Not being able to read people is a tell-tale sign of aspergers. If you have trouble knowing when people are being sarcastic or when people use symbolic language and metaphors, aspergers could be the explanation.

But as I said before, first determine if it has been like this for you your whole life. If it has, you likely have a disorder (aspergers or/and ADD) and you may want to get tested to get help. If not, I'd say it's most likely medical but could be a different type of disorder with a late onset, which you might want to test for as well. I recommend that you try hard to find the cause, even if it's hard and nobody knows how to help you. When you do know the problem, things will most likely get easier.

My wife is EXTREMELY Hyper-Aware, way more so then I am. We both view most people as being totally oblivious of the world and what is happening around them.

A large part of her hyper-awareness comes out of her childhood. She was the adult, sort of. Two drunk out of control parents. Never knowing what may set either of them off. You bet you you are going to be extremely tuned into the world around you for your own safety. My excuse is only my father was the alcoholic for the first few years of my life.

Just being hyper aware, I believe is a good thing. It negatively affecting your life.. Not so good.

Is this something that happens ALL the time? Or, just when presenting in your preferred gender? There is a MAJOR difference between the two situations. The cause or causes deeply personal.

For instance,,,, Back in the age of dinosaurs, in my early 20's, late teens, I twice experimented with transitioning. Both time I was.... extremely hyper-aware. Both times had the dark cloud of "Some Guy In A Dress" hanging over me.  My shame and guilt just fed into the situational awareness required for my safety. Fast forward some 30 years this same 6ft tall big everything bald guy does not feel like like "Some guy in a dress". I feel the shear joy of being me out in the real world. When I see a bit too long lingering look I think "I really do look good for an old bat" rather then "They are going to kick my ass"