I do extremely well in my personal life. When my wardrobe is not constrained I never get misgendered by anyone (except Randi and that's a combination of 40 years of habit and a tendency for passive-aggressive tweeking when she's grumpy). My family, (even Randi), is accepting and supportive. I have a good, well paying, fulfilling career.

I also have a tendency to depression during which I contemplate suicide. (No attempts in the past 50 years and those bouts have reduced since HRT.)

What tends to push me there is contemplating potential futures. I tend to catastrophise. What fuels that? News.

I think we all know that all news is ultimately "click bait" even on paper. We need the information, but it's presented in the most lurid way that the News can get away with.

The news that winds me up the most, of course, is news regarding transgender topics. It's easy to make it look like transgender people are close to the edge of a precipice, because we are. Perhaps not as close as the News would like us to think, but close nonetheless.

I don't see a solution. To stop following the news is just sticking your head in the sand. All I can do is find the most authoritative, honest source I can, be aware of their biases, and keep all of this in mind.

Which is exactly why I wrote this essay.

P.S.: While editing this I discovered that spellcheck gave me "passive-aggressive twerking" which set me giggling.

P.PS.: I'm considering posting this on Facebook but that will require some editing so as not to make my home life more difficult. Not sure it's worth the effort.  If any of you want to share this in social media, feel free. Attribute it to me and remove proper names, please.

Ah, news. We're taught that we need it, but it's just like hotdogs, coffee, and pens. Someone is selling it to make money. No more, no less.

Hugs, Devlyn

I've been largely ignoring all news since the U.S. election. Maybe it is just me sticking my head in the sand but it was the only way I could cope and can continue to cope. Like Devlyn, says it's just people selling something to make money...most of it is bad/depressing news anyway, or opinion or gossip or outright lies masquerading as "news".

I absolutely agree, Grace, but as I said, I'm a "junkie". I managed to ignore news for two whole years when my blood pressure first went up, but the first time an issue  related to me shows it's face I'm right back to it. I do try to control my use, though. 😉

In the last year I started enjoying cross swords with people online on news sites. In general I have been very supportive of trans issues and I don't have problems with where people go to the bathroom, which seems to be the topic du jour for the last several years. But I often times find myself not commenting on articles as well. In other words I am selectively supportive online if that makes sense. I have to admit that after a year or so or jumping into the fray, I am starting to get sick of it. I went from posting 10-20 comments a day to maybe 1 or 2 every few days. I found more interesting things to do with my free time. I don't care what other people's comments are especially on news sites where people can post anonymously. Under a pseudonym people can post some monstrous things about anyone, trans, gay, the poor, democrats, republicans, etc. You pick, there is always a marginal group on some site getting picked apart. Trans-people are no different. If you don't like it, then don't read the comments or just keep it to yourself.

I am pretty active online too. I use fake profiles. Facebook is good, because I'm often targeting the idea that the person's friends will see the prejudice in their post, rather than the individual themselves. I try to remain unemotional and stick to the facts, but it doesn't always end up that way. I try my best to play the ball, not the man. I focus on the issue and the fallacy of their arguments, and try to avoid slinging mud, which just dilutes my point. Education and well reasoned thinking wins arguments, not name calling.

Facebook also gives me a glimpse into the kinds of people who might be friends with the poster. It allows me to target posters with friends of certain demographics, where I can have the most impact.

After a while, you see that all of the arguments bigots present are pretty much variations of 6 or 7 common themes. I keep a series of pre-prepared phrases that have been highly effective in the past, and draw on these when questioning people's prejudice. Let me know if you want to see some of them?

I can usually tell when people have exhausted all the reasons in their mind to discriminate against transgender people. They either (a) take down their post, or (b) come up with a terminating phrase like, "well that's just my opinion, I'm entitled to it, and you can't make me change my mind."

I also know I've had a positive impact when I get a private message from a friend, spouse, son or daughter of the poster agreeing with me offline and apologising for the the other person. I know that I've had a positive impact, but am left wondering why tha person can't stand up for what's right.

I also try not to take it to heart too much. My objective is to raise awareness, and improve conditions for transgender people. You need a degree of mental resilience or indifference to being insulted. You need to be able to just keep replying with facts, logic and statistics when someone calls you a pervert, disgusting, or a freak.

If it gets me down emotionally at all, I just take a break for a while, or switch to political activism instead of social activism. Ultimately, I'm in control of my activism and my emotional health.



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I have posted before (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,217754.0.html) about how news, especially news of anti-trans harassment, gets me down.  It would be easy to ignore it.  Well, no it wouldn't be easy, but I could do it.   

But my survival depends on knowing what is going on.  If there was a rash of harassment in my local comunity, or in the city where I go for appointments and support group meetings, I need to know about it for my own safety.  If there is an area of town that I should avoid, or a new type of harassment that I need to be alert for, or if I just need to pee in North Carolina, I need to know that stuff, depressing as it may be.  Burying my head in the sand is not a survivable option.

There is good news, but even that is tempered.  Bill C-16 will add gender identity to the prohibited grounds for discrimination in federal human rights legislation.  If it ever passes.  No one knows if it will get by the Senate this time.

I may be paranoid, but that doesn't mean that people aren't out to get me.