I've begun coming out to friends ever since SelinaKyle found out.

The first time was really hard. I didn't really know how to ease into it, so I just blurted it out:

Me: "I'm trans."
Them: "I didn't know that."
Me: "I.. yeah, dude. I know. That's why I'm telling you."
Them: "Oh, oh right. You're telling me. Ok cool."

They couldn't have been more cool or composed about the whole thing. I felt silly for even being nervous about it.

The following week, I really dove in the deep end, and told four of my friends at once. I had intended to break it up a bit more, but we were all together for a pre-holiday dinner, and SK encouraged me to just rip off the bandaid. I'm glad she did.

Me: "I need to say something before I lose my nerve."
*stares*
Me: "I'm trans. Sooo. That's a thing."
*more stares*
Friend: "Ok. That doesn't change anything, but thanks for telling us."

I think I choose pretty good people to spend my time with.

One friend got really quiet for the rest of the night, which really worried me, but by the next day everything was cool between us and we were back on Xbox playing games together. He just needed some time to process and didn't want to say the wrong thing.

The big one right now is my parents. I literally don't know how to start that conversation. I don't even know if I told them I was trans if they would know what that meant. I'm afraid of needing a bloody slideshow or a white board to draw diagrams.

Anyway, just a quick update to let you all know how my progress is going. Slow but steady!

OH! I almost forgot! I have my consultation at a gender clinic (Sherbourne Health Centre) on Jan 6! With some luck, I'll be starting HRT before February!

Wow.  That's jumping into the deep end right away.  I've got to say, Ashley, that you and SelinaKyle are a couple of the neatest people I've come across on this board.  Oh, that's 60s-speak for being, like really cool.  A couple of hep-cats.  (Software patch wanted for colloquial language skills later than the 1980s...)

Parents?  Whiteboard or slideshow?  Nah.  Powerpoint.  Maybe 200 slides should do it...

But seriously, parents can be hard.  They've known us longer than anyone, they have a very strong fixed image of us, and any variation from that is disquieting.  They may think of it as being their fault, as we older folks were constantly bombarded with junk about 'forming their delicate minds' (mostly to promote 'educational' toys), and we can think that any problems in our offspring are there because we did something wrong, we broke them.

Try to be reassuring.  When you start off telling them, reassure them that you have something important to say, but you are fine, in good health.  Folks here who have done this can probably tell you some good details about how they handled it.  (My parents were both gone long before I came out, alas.  Mom would have understood.  Dad, not so much.)


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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 26, 2016, 05:52:37 PM
Wow.  That's jumping into the deep end right away.  I've got to say, Ashley, that you and SelinaKyle are a couple of the neatest people I've come across on this board.  Oh, that's 60s-speak for being, like really cool.  A couple of hep-cats.  (Software patch wanted for colloquial language skills later than the 1980s...)

Parents?  Whiteboard or slideshow?  Nah.  Powerpoint.  Maybe 200 slides should do it...

But seriously, parents can be hard.  They've known us longer than anyone, they have a very strong fixed image of us, and any variation from that is disquieting.  They may think of it as being their fault, as we older folks were constantly bombarded with junk about 'forming their delicate minds' (mostly to promote 'educational' toys), and we can think that any problems in our offspring are there because we did something wrong, we broke them.

Try to be reassuring.  When you start off telling them, reassure them that you have something important to say, but you are fine, in good health.  Folks here who have done this can probably tell you some good details about how they handled it.  (My parents were both gone long before I came out, alas.  Mom would have understood.  Dad, not so much.)


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Aww, thank you!  Ashley's been very brave.  I'm incredibly proud of my wonderful lady.

Solid approach, short and sweet.

Quote from: AshleyC on December 26, 2016, 05:39:03 PM
The big one right now is my parents. I literally don't know how to start that conversation. I don't even know if I told them I was trans if they would know what that meant. I'm afraid of needing a bloody slideshow or a white board to draw diagrams.

I don't worry so much about this one personally, I maybe see them once a year when forced to and my life isn't missing out on much from that. ON A POSITIVE NOTE! I'm told most peoples parents will 'love them no matter what.' Keep it as simple as possible, and try to avoid the Koolaid Man approach lol. Be tactful. 'Gender Dysphoria' might be a bit of a mouthful for simpler folks, but is very easy to explain. Obviously having SK there will help a whole bunch. People with more invested in us are going to need more time to process/cool off. Maybe staying the weekend with the folks would be a bad call, deliver the information, present yourself as best as possible and then peace out for a bit to let it digest. Then check back on it.

Quote from: AshleyC on December 26, 2016, 05:39:03 PM
OH! I almost forgot! I have my consultation at a gender clinic (Sherbourne Health Centre) on Jan 6! With some luck, I'll be starting HRT before February!

Good stuff! From my experience, the first visit (wasnt at sherbourne) was preliminary stuff, adding me to their computer system, ect, the next week was blood work and physical, the third week they wanted to put me on testosterone blockers for a month, today, perhaps more blood work to check levels, next Monday *might be the day!* All in all, I think it'll be about 6-8 weeks from the first appointment before actually starting on estrogen? It may vary. Some may speed you through.

Update!

Came out to my parents last night!

It went super well. I was so nervous.

My mom's response was literally: "Ok."

I may as well have told them it was raining outside.

"What do you want us to say? Should we get upset or something?"

They were amazing. They were so amazing that I didn't even know how to continue the conversation. I just stared at them like "WTF". Thankfully, SK was there to make sure I found a way to progress the conversation in a productive manner.

I'M COMING OUT TO EVERYONE TOMORROW! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Yay!  Good for you, Ashley!  That is so good that your parents were okay with it, or at least noncommittal.  Coming out to family is often the hardest step.  Now that is behind you.