Quick back story, I'm currently on T and have been working at my current job for 3 years and have always gone by preferred pronouns name etc. I live stealth and the only people I work with that were privy to my given name or know that I've transitioned are my managers and select dept managers.

So I found out tonight that one of the dept managers and one of the reg. Associates have taken it upon themselves to let everyone in the store know that I'm trans and what my given name was. I'm pretty upset by this obviously if I wanted everyone to know I'd tell them my dang self. I live in the deep south and this scares the crappie out of me. I work for a relatively progressive company but the people I work with minus senior management are very small minded and now I feel like I'm being treated differently and am being bombarded with questions from staff that make me feel really uncomfortable.

I don't know how I should go about addressing this with senior management and if I should go above them on this. I'm lost, and incredibly angry.

Ponce

I would say go above them; they decided to put your life in danger by telling other people. It's not right to gossip about an employees physical health and being trans should be treated no differently.

So sorry this happened 

Quote from: Elis on January 08, 2017, 04:22:30 AM
I would say go above them; they decided to put your life in danger by telling other people. It's not right to gossip about an employees physical health and being trans should be treated no differently.

I agree - BUT be sure you can back up your claims.  Consider what would happen if they deny the accusations and you have no proof (or disputable proof.)  Life would become even worse.

If you have an HR department you might consider starting there.

They had no business disclosing that information; personally I'd do what I could to make them aware they have screwed up, but essentially the cat's out of the bag, now. I'd also be prepared to quit the job and look for another.

Quote from: Kylo on January 08, 2017, 09:00:16 AM
... I'd also be prepared to quit the job and look for another.

I disagree.  If this is a larger company with corporate rules (Do you have an employee handbook?) then anyone who makes a disparaging remark, is condescending or treating you any differently than before immediately report the situation to HR.  DO NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW.  Do it immediately.

It will only happen once.

It's a multi billion dollar company and I can't just quit I've invested myself into creating a career with them. I'm in Jr. Management and looking at a hopeful promotion within months. It was started by a dept manager who gained access to personel info. She has problems with me and has I guess decided this is how she's "getting back" at me I'm heading up there today to hopefully sit down with the store manager I just with me being so close to promotion am not sure if this is a battle I need to fight I don't want to put my promotion in jeopardy but I also am so angry and outraged that someone would do that. This has put me in a really awkward position and it's to the point people are to my wife at work asking her about me (small town) we just moved here 4 years ago and no one knew my past. It's a cluster.

Quote from: Denise on January 08, 2017, 09:23:22 AM
I disagree.  If this is a larger company with corporate rules (Do you have an employee handbook?) then anyone who makes a disparaging remark, is condescending or treating you any differently than before immediately report the situation to HR.  DO NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW.  Do it immediately.

It will only happen once.

It's just what I would consider. I've worked for big companies when there was bad blood and it's no fun. Depends on OP's options and personality when it comes to dealing with potential harassment and passive aggression from coworkers (which sounds like what is happening). The attitude and relationship with coworkers can make or break a job.

If invested in the company then you could seek disciplinary action for both the treatment by coworkers and the staff who disclosed but there's no guarantee that is going to make the situation more tolerable for you. Let's say hypothetically someone was fired for it, that is likely to make coworkers respond even less positively.

It sounds like a tough situation, maybe just wait and see if things blow over and if they get bored of prying before taking action. I would not hope for much in a closed-minded atmosphere though.

Id focus mainly onto that dept. manager who "gained access" to your personal information bc that act of getting this info and disclosing it is a breach of confidentiality! If you can prove that it was her when you bring this up to the store manager, then disciplinary action should be carried against her for doing this!
No matter if your stealth or not, what others might think they know and cant be substantiated is just gossip but to actually access your personal file and "out" you to your co workers , plus do it bc she has issues about who you are, is conduct that should cost her, her job!  It was your prerogative if and when you wanted to tell them yourself You worked hard to get where you are and to get your promotion and this has caused you now a problems in your personal life as well!
There are standards in big companies in order to prevent this kind of thing not only bc its wrong but bc it also looks bad for them too so keep that in mind when you will be speaking with the store manager that the last thing they want is for this incident to become an issue so I think If you stay cool, stand firmly and make your case, it will reflect well on you! then the rest is up to them to deal with!
Its bad that this has happened at all, it cant be taken back now and the damages are done but the way you deal with this will show them what kind of person you are!
Blessings! [emoji177]Julie!


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There is a transman at work that was outed. He went to HR and then was treated different by his co-workers in that unit. I think because he went to HR and reported the person that outed him he is somewhat feared and words and conversations are guarded. He now wants to transfer to another department and dislikes the people he now works with.

I am totally out at work (I wish I could be stealth). If I was stealth and was outed knowing how I am treated by my coworkers, contractors and vendors, which is a lot of people, I would just roll with it. I would be upset but I would need to handle it in a way that others feel comfortable around me.

Quote from: Ponce on January 08, 2017, 11:33:42 AM
... It was started by a dept manager who gained access to personel info. ...

AND

Quote from: bluepaint on January 08, 2017, 01:49:18 PM
Id focus mainly onto that dept. manager who "gained access" to your personal information bc that act of getting this info and disclosing it is a breach of confidentiality! If you can prove that it was her when you bring this up to the store manager, then disciplinary action should be carried against her for doing this!
No matter if your stealth or not, what others might think they know and cant be substantiated is just gossip but to actually access your personal file and "out" you to your co workers , plus do it bc she has issues about who you are, is conduct that should cost her, her job!  It was your prerogative if and when you wanted to tell them yourself You worked hard to get where you are and to get your promotion and this has caused you now a problems in your personal life as well!
There are standards in big companies in order to prevent this kind of thing not only bc its wrong but bc it also looks bad for them too so keep that in mind when you will be speaking with the store manager that the last thing they want is for this incident to become an issue so I think If you stay cool, stand firmly and make your case, it will reflect well on you! then the rest is up to them to deal with!
Its bad that this has happened at all, it cant be taken back now and the damages are done but the way you deal with this will show them what kind of person you are!
Blessings! [emoji177]Julie!

Report her immediately to HR.  Accessing personnel records may be grounds for dismissal but talking about what is in there is guaranteed grounds for dismissal.  You may have a civil case against her.   

At the very least - please report this so it doesn't happen to someone else.

This is a mess and you will have to be the judge on what you are willing to deal with. If you don't have solid proof, it may be best to forget it and move on with your life. If HR comes to you, then you can explain it to them. The danger is this could come down to the word of the manager against your word and in that case, you could end up losing your job as the manager is senior. A secondary consideration is once you start this fight you may end up taking it up the corporate ladder if the local HR department judges against you.

I lost my job while coming out but I didn't the company or laws on my side. My only option was to forget about it and find another job. It's not a pleasant experience when it happens but it is possible you will  have more company support than I did.

Quote from: Dena on January 08, 2017, 08:34:24 PM.

I lost my job while coming out but I didn't the company or laws on my side. My only option was to forget about it and find another job. It's not a pleasant experience when it happens but it is possible you will  have more company support than I did.

I was a graphic designer at a big newspaper (of all places) and I was bringing in a lot if new clients bc I was good at my job but that was not enough to keep me when I announced to my boss (in my dept) that I was going to be transitioning , keep in mind this was in 1990, now there are laws in place where I could've pursued them for wrongful dismissal legally, staying there was out of the question, they all turned on me and were ready to make my life a misery if I stayed (the boss made clear). It would've been a long expensive process so I did the smartest thing I could under the circumstances, I asked management for a letter of recommendation under my chosen name in exchange of signing a waver to take any further action in regards to the matter! 

I made the best of the circumstances I could, It was unfair but I had  to be realistic! One must judge what cards are in our favour when dealing with these kinds of issues but given the new laws against discrimination in the workplace, I would've fought it  today!


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I was about to say contact upper management, because this is invasion of privacy and harassment, and definitely a breach of company policy, but everyone else beat me to it.

There's a lot wrong going on where you work right now.  First, you've got the exposure of confidential HR profile information to inappropriate audiences. That alone I believe may have grounds for legal recourse.  Then you have the hostile work environment that is being created by the discrimination based on your gender identity (which depending on your state may or may not have legal protection).  On top of that you're now in a position where you feel a promotion may be in jeopardy if you file a complaint, that's illegal at a federal level.

My point is there's a lot to take in and sift through, you may want to seriously consider someone with legal expertise in this area to at least provide you with an initial consultation.

It's a poor situation, and yes HR does need to know. However, I would talk to your manager first - so they don't get any surprises, and are kept onside.

Afterwards, you have a few choices - own it or hide from it.

You are someone who has achieved much for himself, I feel you should own it - make it funny, live the stereotype. 

Sno

So, out of curiosity, how have your co-workers been taking it?  It sounds like they've been taking it well enough that one of them told you what was going on...  What was the effect of this person outing you?

I understand the fear and anger you're feeling a while back my mother outed me to the other teachers in her school because apparently taking it into her own hands without asking me if it was okay first was acceptable in her eyes.
For me after she told me what she had done thinking it was alright, i had to consider that she didn't mean any harm and as much as it isn't okay i understood the need for her to tell someone because for my mom i think it was her wanting to share her feelings she just didn't do it in a very good way. For the people who said something about you
i don't know them so i can't say why that maybe happened but either way people get curious so questions will happen
even more so when people don't have experience with something there going to be more prone to asking inappropriate questions or things that would be considered rude because they don't know anything yet so educating them about the subject could help. And if they continue to ask rude questions after you can then consider that harassment so don't respond or tell them to please change topic onto something more appropriate that doesn't have to do with your personal life and go from there. While doing this with people who ask rude questions i'd report this to who ever owns the place and explain that it isn't okay to be doing.

What is done is done, i'm sorry this happened but maybe you can help it not happen to others ^_^ 

I re read your posts just to see if I could find something more to suggest that we havent all covered and I was thinking of the proof aspects, when it comes to making your case and I see those who were told about you by the dept.manager, as possible witnesses if they will attest of her saying this outright (that she went and she got the information from your personal file) which would make sense since if shes outing you, she would wants to substantiate her claim, especially if no one would believe your not cis it they didn't otherwise hear it from her!   
They could also all turn in another direction as well , if they dont want to stand by your claim (that shes did this), and lie and say that they knew you were trans and knew of your former name from somewhere before and they were just being polite or it wasn't an issues for them, so they never said anything to you leaving you to believe that you were stealth so be ready just in case this happens!


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