The fears of not "getting there."

CosmicJoke · January 01, 2017, 11:03:37 PM

I don't like to admit this, but often times I have these kinds of thoughts. Sometimes just hearing about stories of transwomen who managed to get their SRS kind of makes me feel crappy about myself.
I know that everyone's journey is different, but sometimes I fear just not getting as far as I want to be with my transition or someone else somehow taking the ability for me to do so away from me.
I was wondering if other people here can relate to this feeling. Sometimes it's just an exhausting journey.

Denise · January 01, 2017, 11:06:16 PM

I agree - it is exhausting and we are all on our own timeline. Have patience and enjoy the journey.

Ms Grace · January 01, 2017, 11:33:22 PM

It took me twenty or so years to "get there"... I understand exactly where you are coming from. Technically the only person who "took away my ability to transition" was myself... for twenty years.

All those people who you talk about who have managed to have their surgery or even to that point in their life where they are happy with their transition without surgery...the vast majority of them, myself included, had the same or similar doubts about ever making it all the way.

So you aren't alone - just know where it is you want to go so that you'll know when you do in fact get there.

Kylo · January 02, 2017, 09:03:00 AM

Totally.

I feel like at any point something could happen that would mean the NHS decides ops for the likes of us are no longer a priority and it gets shoved to the back of their list of things to care about, or becomes something you have to raise all of the capital for, or that some financial crash means I won't be able to get hormonal medication, etc. etc.

I feel like at any time this could be taken away from me, as pretty much anything can be.

RavenMoon · January 11, 2017, 06:47:26 PM

For me SRS is the last thing on my want list.

But I kind of feel the way you do when I see someone get FFS... That's first on my list (and facial hair removal).

HappyMoni · January 11, 2017, 08:40:40 PM

I so can relate to that fear. It is with me all the time. I don't even fear the surgery itself, just the thought that it could be stopped by something. You just have to be positive and do the things you can to get yourself there. Fear is the enemy. Don't let it make you defeat yourself.
Monica

SpeakYourMind · January 11, 2017, 08:43:03 PM

Quote from: CosmicJoke on January 01, 2017, 11:03:37 PM
I don't like to admit this, but often times I have these kinds of thoughts. Sometimes just hearing about stories of transwomen who managed to get their SRS kind of makes me feel crappy about myself.
I know that everyone's journey is different, but sometimes I fear just not getting as far as I want to be with my transition or someone else somehow taking the ability for me to do so away from me.
I was wondering if other people here can relate to this feeling. Sometimes it's just an exhausting journey.

Nobody can take what you truly want for yourself away from you not without a large fight at stake
and i highly doubt there would be a fight. You'll get there and it'll be alright. Fears are so common and if things are making you feel crappy i'd try and not read to much into them or take a brake go do other things. Sometimes spending to much time looking at transgender topics can hurt because we want certain things for ourselves so strongly and we may not be there just yet so the wait feels like forever, that's why brakes are important so we don't focus to much on others and can focus.

JoanneB · January 12, 2017, 08:31:03 PM

My life is one Trans Cosmic Joke... But that's a story for another day

Yes, it hurts. It sucks.

Yet... At the same time you can only do what you are able to do. Oh I wish I can have that "F them All" attitude. Yet... It isn't me.

The greatest challenge I faced every day, and still do today is discovering just who I am. My needs. My wants. My Hopes, Wishes, and Dreams. Not the person who I think I am or been told I should be, hopes wishes and dreams

Miss Lux · January 13, 2017, 04:42:46 AM

When I was little it was just a dream a dream that I knew was impossible and all I can do of all things is to pray for it lol.... After all the heartaches and pain, I gathered myself together and made a plan and concentrated all my energy into reaching that goal.... School... Degree... Job.... Save... And the dream came to fruituition!!!! But the transition, changes and adjustments never ends you have to be happy in your current state and celebrate every little triumpht or else you will be disheartened to move further... Goodluck and I wish you well!!!!!

Mariah · January 13, 2017, 05:10:17 AM

Baby steps. It's not a race or competition. We all fear that coming in for those that want the final procedure too. Your not alone in that feeling. You will get there, but it just takes time. I promise you the wait is worth it. If I had rushed it, I'm not sure I would have been as mentally ready or dedicated and putting the work in as I am. So hang in there, you will get here too. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: CosmicJoke on January 01, 2017, 11:03:37 PM
I don't like to admit this, but often times I have these kinds of thoughts. Sometimes just hearing about stories of transwomen who managed to get their SRS kind of makes me feel crappy about myself.
I know that everyone's journey is different, but sometimes I fear just not getting as far as I want to be with my transition or someone else somehow taking the ability for me to do so away from me.
I was wondering if other people here can relate to this feeling. Sometimes it's just an exhausting journey.

Kylo · January 13, 2017, 04:51:09 PM

It bothers me that HRT is something you have to upkeep for life as that leaves you dependent on doctors and pharmacists. And how dependent the process is in general...

I would be happier if I can get the surgery over with and to a point where most of the permanent changes have occurred so that they can't be reversed if I can no longer get hold of T. Not ideal, because some things can reverse, but at the moment I feel in the worst state - I NEED them to get where I want to be and that is not a good feeling. Or one I'm used to. I'm not used to being so completely dependent on a bunch of other people.

News:

The fears of not "getting there."