So I'm having a hard time coming out to my grandmother on my dads side. My other grandma knows, but we're closer and she's easier to talk too. My grandma (the one on my dads side) is filthy rich and more of the "scary, conservative, old school ways" type of person. She's seen me in makeup and girl clothes, and we even had a discussion about high heels and how they make us feel sexy and in control, but I don't think she thinks of me as trans. I think she thinks of me as a "guy in makeup" type of thing (think Jeffree Star, etc.) I'm also a makeup artist, so I think she looks at me wearing makeup as "part of the job." now as I said, she has a lot of money and helps me out financially quite a bit. My father passed away when my mom was pregnant with me, so I cherish his side of the family more then my moms, and that's another thing I'm worried about. I'm kinda worried she'll "write me off" because of the type of person she is (atleast I think she's like that....) I could also just be putting fear inside my head, but it's still scary. You know how that is. Especially when you already feel so vulnerable in the first couple steps on transitioning. Anyways! What's the best way to come out to older people, such as my grandma? I've written 4 different letters for her, but none of them sound.... right. I can't talk to her face to face nor on the phone, as I already know that would just be too much for me and I would just have the worst panic attack. I just don't know what to do when it comes to her, or my dads side of the family for that matter. My sister (on my dads side) told me to just tell her and she'll be fine with it, but I'm still nervous. Any pointers??


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It sounds to me shes a pretty solid pillar in your life regardless of her 'old ways' she seems to just take you for who you are. Maybe she doesnt hold you to the same standard as others because she loves you unconditionally. My grandmother hated me until her dying day the 'weirder and weirder' I got. (Her words.) I think acceptance is already there for you. You just need to put a name to it.

I often wish I could have told my Grandma, but she was from rural, conservative Nebraska.  But she passed away almost 12 years before I transitioned.  She once told me when I was little, that I had the eyes of a girl.  Trust me, I never forgot that.

The only advice I have is that if she is very important to you, you should tell her.  Once they are gone all you will have is regret.  Now you don't have to do it right away, but you might be pleasantly surprised by her reaction.  This is what happened when I told my dad.

-S

Quote from: Inarasarah on January 12, 2017, 05:40:50 AM
I often wish I could have told my Grandma, but she was from rural, conservative Nebraska.  But she passed away almost 12 years before I transitioned.  She once told me when I was little, that I had the eyes of a girl.  Trust me, I never forgot that.

The only advice I have is that if she is very important to you, you should tell her.  Once they are gone all you will have is regret.  Now you don't have to do it right away, but you might be pleasantly surprised by her reaction.  This is what happened when I told my dad.

-S

Exactly, and from what I gather from the conversations you share with her, she already sees you the way you mean to be seen and not only tolerates but engages you and participates. I think you'll be happily surprised by your grandmother.

You didn't say how old she is,. It kinda makes a difference. if she is 60 or 80.  My parents are mid 80s, their picture is in the dictionary next to conservative.  Their reaction was "denial". My dad said "you don't have this. I don't see it.  I would know."

After hours of questioning and conversations about it they didn't change their stance.  Life goes on and they will be surprised the next time I see them. 

The way I told them was to educate them on the clinical term "gender dysphoria.". Then went on to "three different health professionals had the same diagnosis of me.  And yes I got very good at hiding it."

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Just because she is conservative doesn't mean she won't accept you. It is possible to believe in some conservative principles such as the military and spending while having liberal beliefs about personal freedom. Many conservative people are supportive and I have been around many and never had any difficulty dealing with them. Think about what she might have said about gay people in the past and that might give you an idea about how she will accept you.