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Have you ever gotten the your so brave comment

Started by stephaniec, January 14, 2017, 02:49:42 PM

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have you gotten the your so brave comment when you tell your trans

yes
25 (89.3%)
no
3 (10.7%)
kind of
0 (0%)
other
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Total Members Voted: 28

stephaniec

Just curious if you've ever gotten the your so brave comment while telling a friend or anyone that you are trans for the first time. I know this girl that I've know for quite a number of years , but just recently told I'm trans and she's always telling me how brave I am and I just stand there looking at her , but don't say anything about that statement.
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jfong

Plenty of times. And I always told them it wasn't bravery because that's exactly how I felt. It is more of making a choice.

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Jill E

Yeah, and it felt insulting. It felt as though they saw it as a choice, when it was the only option I felt I had for continuing my life. I was anything but brave; I was terrified.


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Angélique LaCava

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KathyLauren

Not to my face, but in emails.  Honestly, it doesn't bother me.  They mean well, and they are referring to my decision to come out, which is indeed a choice, not to my being trans, which isn't.  Whether I agree with them or not (I don't feel particularly brave), they are entitled to their opinion, and it is intended to express support.  I'll take it.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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Michelle_P

Yeah.  A woman who transitioned about 15 years ago told me at the time, when I said that, "It's not bravery.  It's something I HAVE to do."

I understand that now.

I find that is what I am saying in response to the "You're so brave" comments.  I HAVE to do this.  It's not even a choice. (I'm one of those "transition or die" folks.  The dysphoria is strong in this one...)


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Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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Denise

Yes, courage, guts, are and all the other synonyms too.

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1st Person out: 16-Oct-2015
Restarted Spironolactone 26-Aug-2016
Restarted Estradiol Valerate: 02-Nov-2016
Full time: 02-Mar-2017
Breast Augmentation (Schechter): 31-Oct-2017
FFS (Walton in Chicago): 25-Sep-2018
Vaginoplasty (Schechter): 13-Dec-2018









A haiku in honor of my grandmother who loved them.
The Voices are Gone
Living Life to the Fullest
I am just Denise
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Sydney_NYC

Yes, but it was in an encouraging way. Several times I was told "You are so brave to be yourself with society having such a negative view of being transgender."
Sydney





Born - 1970
Came Out To Self/Wife - Sept-21-2013
Started therapy - Oct-15-2013
Laser and Electrolysis - Oct-24-2013
HRT - Dec-12-2013
Full time - Mar-15-2014
Name change  - June-23-2014
GCS - Nov-2-2017 (Dr Rachel Bluebond-Langner)


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HappyMoni

It's funny that when I hear of what other trans people accomplish in the face of tough circumstances, I do think of them as brave. Do I apply it to me, heck no. I would say back up against the wall desperation to describe myself. There is something that it takes to move forward. Maybe the word is "gum shun." Not a very glorious word I grant you. "Brave" is associated  with "hero", we don't see ourselves as that.  I don't say anything much if people say brave. It is not meant as an insult. It is probably just a way to recognize making a major life change in the face of a pretty scary world.
Monica
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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Valkria01

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LizK

Bravery implies heroism in some way...going that extra bit for your fellow person, sacrificing your own safety to save another...

there was nothing brave in what I did...

I had to do it...what went on before transition wasn't living

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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KarynMcD

Considering how many who don't transition because they are afraid, brave works.
You don't have to be a hero to be brave. You just have to face your fears.

There are many worse things to be called than brave.
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Devlyn

If someone calls you brave, they're paying you a compliment. Maturity allows us to accept compliments gracefully.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
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kaitylynn

I have been treated to the reference of 'so brave for doing what you are doing' more than a few times.  People at work especially who have known me for years act really amazed, but I always try to set it straight for them.  This is not a brave act, it is just me living.  Life is not for the feint of heart, cis or trans!
Katherine Lynn M.

You've got a light that always guides you.
You speak of hope and change as something good.
Live your truth and know you're not alone.

The restart - 20-Oct-2015
Legal name and gender change affirmed - 27-Sep-2016
Breast Augmentation (Dr. Gupta) - 27-Aug-2018
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zamber74

My wife told me it, when I came out to her.  It actually encouraged her a bit, I am appreciative of that.  Being that the furthest I have physically transitioned thus far, is to shave it is not something I hear.  From my perspective at this moment, it is brave - only because I am incredibly scared. 

One day, it will probably just be the norm for me and not such a scary thing to go out into the world as I feel, to talk as I feel, to behave as I feel.  At that point, I imagine, to hear someone call me brave for being me will be laughable, I look forward to that day :)
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Harley Quinn

Never. I am with Angelique, it would piss me off...  it's just a footnote to who I am. I don't feel that you can really move on from that "you're so brave" comment. It seems like they're showing pitty and compassion for the downtrodden, which I am neither.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)
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Tessa James

Oh I so like the range of answers here, bravo diversity.  And all truly felt and valid.  Yes, it can be a compliment and then I guess so many of us feel the weight of what I did not do soon enough.  I wasn't the child who insisted out loud "I am a girl!"  I was the person in the closet for years and i hid until my mental health demanded coming out.  And I sure don't want anyone's fawning pity for gaining the strength to survive.

I sometimes respond by saying I would feel a lot braver if I had come out and stayed out as a kid.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Emjay

I got this too from more than a few people.  Personally, I didn't find it insulting at all.  I thanked them and said that while I appreciate the sentiment, I didn't find anything in what I did to be brave but something that had to be done (pretty much what others have said here). 




Start therapy:                            Late 2013
Start HRT:                                 April, 2014
Out everywhere and full time:      November 19, 2015
Name change (official):                            February 1, 2016
I'm a Mommy! (Again) :                             January 31, 2017
GCS consultation:                        February 17, 2017
GCS, Dr. Gallagher (Indianapolis, IN)  February 13, 2018
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Sofie L

I haven't been told this to my face, yet, but I get the impression that some that I've told do think that. I've also found that after the initial pledges of support, many people don't really know what to say. They don't want to offend, so they keep guarded with their questions. But, I have no doubt that their minds are swirling with questions.

As an aside, we wouldn't need to be brave in the first place if society didn't throw up so many roadblocks in our path.
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Tessa James

Quote from: Sofie L on January 17, 2017, 08:53:35 AM
I haven't been told this to my face, yet, but I get the impression that some that I've told do think that. I've also found that after the initial pledges of support, many people don't really know what to say. They don't want to offend, so they keep guarded with their questions. But, I have no doubt that their minds are swirling with questions.

As an aside, we wouldn't need to be brave in the first place if society didn't throw up so many roadblocks in our path.

Yes, I often think that comment is simply acknowledgment of the too real prejudice and hate out there.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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