So, hello, I've been pondering this for quite a while now so I though I'd ask or some input/advise.

Well, I'm a male in my 20s and for many years now since my teens this has been bothering me. When I think of my childhood now there are some peculiarities like cutting off pictures of women underwear models from magazines or when in kindergarten there was a Pocahontas board game that we used to play which featured John and Pocahontas (who woulda thunk?) and I just remember always wanting to be Pocahontas and kindly letting my mates be John. Now this might be random and innocuous but I still find it peculiar or maybe I'm just seeing patterns where there are none. Anyway at some point in my teens I started shaving my legs cause I was so ashamed of the hair that I couldn't wear shorts. Few years later I started to dabble in women's clothing and after reading about it online, I freaked out and told my family that I might be trans. What about nowadays? I dress in women's clothes all the time, stuff like shoes, jeans and the like that go as unisex. I'm trying to be appear as feminine as possible while blurring the line and not going over. Tricky thing is that when I look at women I get a longing like that's what I want to be, perhaps that's what I am but also it all seems very foreign and distant. It's a different world. Maybe I'm not a woman after all. How could I be? So I'm stuck in the middle. I've been aware of this anomaly for quite a many years but it's fickle. Sometimes it brings me down but then it's relatively calm waters for a time before the storm rises again. I'm beginning to think, or I've thought for some time, that maybe it's never going to go away. I would like to have clarity and act accordingly and I don't want to waste my time. I'm not getting any younger and I would hate to think at 60 that I should have done something four decades prior.

So if you have any advise or input, I would like to hear it. You folks have loads more experience than I have. I do realize that the decision ultimately falls on me but it would be nice to have some guidance. This is not something I talk about too often to people.

Hi Jane. Welcome to the site.

You are right. It can only really be decided by you.  However, you can ask for help and you should seek help from a gender therapist. Therapists can help you find your way through the twists and turns of this confusing self discovery. They don't tell you but do help you do this safely.

There are many that would suggest simply visiting this site or asking the question is a bit of an answer. Typically cis people(those whose assignment at birth matches their gender identity) don't ask the question, am I transgender. They might wonder what it might be like to be the opposite sex but usually don't wonder if they are.

Remember, not everyone has to transition fully. One person's transition might be just to become more androgynous; another wants to at least be on HRT; some want facial or breast surgery; others go full through medical transition. Experimenting the way you have started is a good way to begin self discovery.

I can tell you a few things about waiting. Even if you wait till later, you can still find happiness you did not realize you ever could(I just started therapy about 2 years ago. and I am 52- I so wish I started earlier but so do all that come to this conclusion. I have a family I love that would not exist had I not realized so late...). However, if you are truly trans, it will never go away. It may settle down for a while but it will always come back.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

I am one of those people who came out at 60 yo and will gladly say YES, I think you are transgender.  Off course I have no credentials and hope you will accept my kidding around.  I had that same feeling of "Maybe I'm not a woman after all. How could I be?"  I tried reasoning with what seemed impossible as I had never really lived as a woman.  How could i then know what a woman feels like?

Part of the answer is to understand that there is no one universal feeling of being a woman.  Cisgender women may rarely wonder about feeling like a woman but can certainly have similar feelings of being measured against a stereotype.

I am one of those who idealized women and had a long history of wanting and yearning to live as one.  Now i am out and do live free of past constraints.  Along the transition path I found that our gender identity is so deeply personal, so subjective and intrinsic that it is difficult for some of us to even describe.  What I was left with was feeling free to be the most authentic, right and real self possible.

If we strip away the bombardment of media images and learned stereotypes about gender roles we may find our core identity has a persistent, consistent and insistent need for coming out and being true to ourselves.  Psychologists and philosophers like Abraham Maslow talked about "self actualization and self transcendence" back when I was in college.  I still consider that wisdom and theory to be what we are working on today.  Welcome to the ride of a lifetime

Hi Jane 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome to Susan's Place. This is always a difficult decision as there isn't an absolute. For me there was still an element of doubt even while I was laying on the table waiting for them knock me out. With knowledge, you can remove some of the doubt so I have a couple of links you might want to look at. The first is our WIKI where you will learn about the forms transgender can take. The second is "the transition channel" where a therapist will help you explore your feelings. Feel free to ask any questions you  might have.

Thanks alot for the answers and links, you have been very helpful!