This kind of discussion is not something i like speaking about because it tends to make me uncomfortable  in general anything sexual related isn't easy for me not because of dysphoria but i just don't like the feeling of being that open.
So i hope i can explain this in a way others understand so i can get it over with.

Basically iv'e been having a good amount of bottom growth and at the start i was okay with this and it wasn't bad so i wasn't really bothered. Although going into Testosterone i new it was possible this part of transition could make me uncomfortable in general um, i'm used to my genitals how they where and was decently okay with it so this change is
making me sorta uncomfortable with below as the size increases i'm taken back by it and a little freaked out on top of being uncomfortable. I don't know if it's something in the future i'll get used to or i'll be even more uncomfortable.
I'm worried that this reaction isn't typical for someone who is trans even though i know we are all different i'm concerned because my reaction to me seems bad. Although not on the level of "horrible" (Possible TRIGGER WARNING for some individuals)


My past and somethings iv'e mentioned before i'm thinking may be playing apart in some strange way even though it's very different you know, abuse isn't the same so yea. but in general i'm also i wouldn't say upset but anxious and taken back with the change? Is this common? i feel like i should be completely okay with this change and i'm not.
Is this common with some trans folks? 

I should note i'm okay with the sexual feelings it can create but not seeing it i'm strange and i'll stop typing now because iv'e already created a load of distress simply speaking about not the changes but the feeling of speaking about genitals.

I think it's normal to feel strange or conflicted about it. My initial discomfort about it after experiencing my first growth spurt I think was related to how much more aware I was of my genitals. Before, I could very easily ignore them. But once I started growing, not so much. I was suddenly hyper aware of them and it made me super uncomfortable. Now, two years later I feel a lot better about it. I'm used to it and I like how much things have developed.

I will also say, I didn't go into transition thinking I would want bottom surgery. Every step of transition seemed to lead to a shift in my dysphoria so while I didn't previously experience too much of a problem with my junk, as T worked its magic and after top surgery, I had fewer things to focus on and couldn't ignore how much my junk bothered me.

I was slightly uncomfortable too about this as it was a tad unusual and didn't really know what the end result will be. But now it looks pretty much like a penis I'm sorta ok and happy about it. It makes me feel even more so that I don't need/want bottom surgery. I don't think it seems strange that you're uncomfortable. Not all trans men have bottom dysphoria. Reading this has actually now made me wonder if any AFAB people who have decided to go on T have ever opted to get it removed bcos they liked how their parts looked before.

Quote from: Elis on January 17, 2017, 08:22:11 PM
I was slightly uncomfortable too about this as it was a tad unusual and didn't really know what the end result will be. But now it looks pretty much like a penis I'm sorta ok and happy about it. It makes me feel even more so that I don't need/want bottom surgery. I don't think it seems strange that you're uncomfortable. Not all trans men have bottom dysphoria. Reading this has actually now made me wonder if any AFAB people who have decided to go on T have ever opted to get it removed bcos they liked how their parts looked before.

Bottom surgery iv'e gone back and forth on fairly rapidly its a option but i don't see myself ever taking that path even when i sometimes think it would work out for me.

Quote from: FTMax on January 17, 2017, 06:59:28 PM
I think it's normal to feel strange or conflicted about it. My initial discomfort about it after experiencing my first growth spurt I think was related to how much more aware I was of my genitals. Before, I could very easily ignore them. But once I started growing, not so much. I was suddenly hyper aware of them and it made me super uncomfortable. Now, two years later I feel a lot better about it. I'm used to it and I like how much things have developed.

I will also say, I didn't go into transition thinking I would want bottom surgery. Every step of transition seemed to lead to a shift in my dysphoria so while I didn't previously experience too much of a problem with my junk, as T worked its magic and after top surgery, I had fewer things to focus on and couldn't ignore how much my junk bothered me.

thanks max yea that's basically how i'm feeling to a degree also and this really helped.

Sounds normal - this is what spurs some people on the get lower surgery sometimes where before T they might have been against it I guess.

I'm not bothered about it - not because I'm ok with it but because I have severe dissociation from anything between my legs anyway. Far as I'm concerned it couldn't be worse than it already was. I think I'll always hate it no matter what.

Quote from: Kylo on January 17, 2017, 08:44:09 PM
Sounds normal - this is what spurs some people on the get lower surgery sometimes where before T they might have been against it I guess.

I'm not bothered about it - not because I'm ok with it but because I have severe dissociation from anything between my legs anyway. Far as I'm concerned it couldn't be worse than it already was. I think I'll always hate it no matter what.

Understandable, if i had that server of dissociation with my personality i'd probably do something similar given how i reacted to other things in the past i couldn't handle.

This is how I felt just tonight. I have recently had a massive natural surge of T and it's causing bits of me to masculinise. Including... yeah. I felt disgust with it whereas just the other day I was welcoming the changes. It's making me so conflicted.