So much great feedback here, ty all.

I am only three months full time. I posted here earlier, before returning to work. I have to say going back to work did  lot for my confidence. I get so busy it is impossible to even think about being trans. I just am myself. It is so nice to never have to switch back and forth any more. Sometimes I just stop and say, "I love this." It is wonderful for someone who has never ever experienced self contentment to finally get that feeling. I think one of the keys to relaxing more was to accept that "passing" was not always gonna happen and I had to be okay with being seen as transgender. For me; I have not had a single thought of returning to anything male. I still worry about safety. I also worry about new situations that I never have face as a woman before. It gets easier and easier though.
Moni

I've received the red warning box that no one's posted here for at least 30 days...but now someone is!

I love love this thread, reading of people whose fears either faded or altogether vanished.  I especially love the reactions of coworkers and other people, how they treat you so well. I'm sure that isn't always the case, but it makes me so happy and hopeful.

I'm still pre-HRT, pre-therapy even, but I am so excited to start my transition.  I'm out to the managers at work, and they are all happy and excited for me too (maybe it helps that they're all women?)  I've been coming out to family and friends, and every single one are supportive.  I already wear a full face of makeup and women's clothes (including heels) when at work, in public, etc, and carry myself as a woman when doing so.  I guess I've been transitioning socially and externally for a while now.  Thank you for your openness, it's given me even more to look forward to.

It didn't feel much different to how I'd been living my life since I left home. I knew sometimes I was mistaken by gender and that didn't bother me because I believed I wouldn't be able to expect results until T and surgery. Not scary because it's easier for women in society to act like men than vice versa and that's what some people thought I was doing; and I'd had my whole life habits to back up that I wasn't doing much out of the ordinary (for me). Starting hormones was different, at that point I knew I was going to have to expect comments about changes in voice and appearance that can't be hidden, and then the possibility of it not working as great as I hoped. I don't out myself to everyone I meet, I find if you just go about your business with confidence most people won't even notice.

Looks like this thread went quiet before I went full-time.

Anyway, this weekend is my three-month FT anniversary.   I went full-time last October when I was asked to leave the house and not come back.  I was scared to death, because I had only been on HRT a few months, and didn't pass. (I still don't for any contact closer than someone passing by on the street.). Since then, I've discovered what living life on my own terms can be.  I love it.  Love, love, love, love it.

In looking back, I had never really lived on my own.  My parents place, then college dorms with roommates, the military, and marriage all had me living with others, trying to be what I was perceived to be by others, trying to make them happy with me.  Now, I finally get to be selfish and put my needs first.  I'm sane, calm, making friends, finding a new community, and generally, finally, living MY life.  Yeah, yeah.  I know.  "Me, me, me, me, and me!"   And isn't that the point?  I'm finding myself and healing myself, with the aid of a good therapist and medical folks, after suppressing myself for half a century.

Honestly, I think by going full time in this particular part of the country, I'm playing on the Easy setting.  The fears I had are mostly unfounded, and the experience has been remarkable, beyond anything I had expected.  I'm busy, I'm active, I have friends, and I am actually happy [emoji4] much of the time.

Beats depression and intense dysphoria, that's for sure.

I've recorded the whole experience in another thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215456.0.html


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My three month mark arrives in 2 more days, and, as Michelle so eloquently put it, I love it. For the most part it was extending what I had been doing 3 to 5 days a week to 7 days a week. But there are some parts that are taking some getting used to. Spending the early morning hours in the emergency room by my wife's bed side while being misgendered by the admin staff or driving through nasty winter storms on the open highway. These types of situations put anyone out of their comfort zones. My old man mode had coping mechanisms to handle that sort of stress, it wasn't necessarily fun but he handled it a lot better than I do now; and I really don't want to develop those isolating, cold, coping mechanisms that I left behind. I guess that I have some things to discuss with my therapist after all. - Anne

 I used to have debilitating social anxiety,  I am now much more confident and out going. My family and the few people I let into my life in the past have all commented on how much more outgoing and accessible I am now.