Ok, I had the impression that a lot or most of the FFS surgeons combine these procedures and actually combine more with it in one go - what would that cause - what is a "wonky result"?

Would it make sense to do a lip lift first and later a nose surgery, then, or is it only good the other way around?

But in any case, the question I had was if the rhinoplasty bascially causes a scar like that bullhorn lip lift - if it does, one could just as well do that lip lift technique and sve the effort of the endonasal approach, since the scar under the nose would be there in any case.

Been 9 weeks now.

This week is another milestone in healing. I see so much more difference then at week 4-6. I can finally see my jaw again, and I take it back: it's well worth the effort! My head has become a lot smaller, slimmer. I think I got a great result so far. Around week 6 I lost a bit of morale, but it's all back. Healing takes so long, but it's worth the patience.

My forehead swelling has also gone down a lot. So much that it's close to where it was before surgery. I can feel my head again, and that -permanent feeling of someones hand on my forehead- is gone... but that itching! ouch, it drives me nuts today. Getting sensation back on top of my head is good, but really, that itching is something... it feels my skin is crawling with insects. Not fun, no.

The skin is redraping over my skull, and nerves start to regrow and that is bound to give some annoyance. But it is doable.

Two major milestones are week 6: exhaustion was completely gone, and week 9: where I finally could see the result and where it is going. And it is only getting better each week. So this is a reminder: you won't get to see the final result right after surgery. This might lead to post-op depression.

I can smile again, something that was difficult after the lip lift. I like the result, and again, it takes time to see the final result. 

About the lip lift: I am not sure why some do it at the same time as rhinoplasty. It's close together, and I guess it's difficult to do the aesthetics of a lip lift when you got a swollen nose and breathing tubes sticking in your mouth. Also, they cut open my entire gum lines and stretched my mouth to get to the jaw and zygoma, so everything looks weird, swollen and stretched. Something like this:

The lip lift is healing well. And I am pleased with the result. It seems the lip shifted even higher when it healed. I got nice tooth show now. Now it's just a waiting game... 1 year for all scars to heal. Another year in limbo...

I find myself in a post-op depression again... I am a positive person, but I remain human, and I have my weak moments... I feel lonely these days. I have no-one, and it takes it's toll. All I am doing is transitioning and healing. I want my life, I want to live... Life is all about love, everything we do is about love. But I have no one that loves me. And I have no one to love. Not fun. I also don't love myself. Maybe that is the problem. I hate this body, and what it does to my mind and psyche. I've read a million self-help books, followed therapy and watched a billion TED talks. But I don't get it... I don't understand anything anymore. Especially how social things work. It seems I repel everything I touch or approach, or it repels me. I am just confused... I also don't like the fact I have to go through all of this just to become myself. I am still in my cocoon watching everyone else fly around.

I also have borderline, so that complicates things. I sometimes forget that I have it, but eventually it will surface. Today it did. It's difficult to deal with... so much so, that a normal life is not really possible.

Maybe I go to bed, sleep always works.

Oh honey. Big hugs. I'm not sure what borderline you have (depression?) but it sounds very tough for you at the moment.

Relationships are hard too if that helps. I find a lot of pain wrapped up in my new one.

xx

Hugs to you both. 

Waiting for scars to heal does not mean one need live in limbo!  I was out and about after 3 months, just in terms of getting my energy back, and I just used makeup to conceal the still-red scars.  Do not let your scars prevent you from living life.  And that goes for the scars that can't be seen -- for those scars are always with us.  Being hidden, they can't be covered up, we have to "make up" with them instead, and hopefully transform them into sacred wounds. 

So no, we will never lead "normal" lives.  But in truth, no one lives a "normal" life -- that's just a fiction, a story we make up based on what we aren't seeing with everyone else around us.  Everyone has scars that can't be seen.  Given that, then, the question isn't how to go about living a normal life, but how to go about living a good one. 

I used to be a big fan of Joseph Campbell (I now struggle with the problematic aspects of his work) and so I continued to "follow my bliss" -- or, at least, my curiosity.  Took a Tai Chi class, for example, which was nice just to help me reintegrate with my body, though Tai Chi never ended up being for me, or at least that particular school didn't jibe with me.  Started exploring the local music scene, just to dance, and it's here that I hooked up with some people, one of whom I ended up being in relationship with for over six years.  Went to local science-fiction fan clubs.  Joined a book club.  Scrabble meet-ups.  And so on.

And this was so, so healing.  Doing fun stuff that allowed me to get out of my head and just be present in the moment.  Being out and about, socializing with other people, many of whom were just as awkward and introverted as I was (this is why I love geek culture).  And in so doing, I made new acquaintances and eventually friends, simply as a woman.  Sure, complicated and damaged, but all women are complicated and damaged to some degree, albeit unique degrees.  But I discovered I could also be empathic and kind and attentive and responsible, once I got over my self-consciousness.  This wouldn't have happened, I believe, had I not gotten out into the world and just did stuff I found personally interesting. 

Follow your bliss, ladies.  Whatever it may be. 

Thank you both. 

It certainly isn't easy... I think the lip lift turned back the clock 3 months in regards to healing. So, I think it was done too fast... right now, I am healing since the 9th of November 2016. I was feeling great after 6 weeks, but that lip lift thrown me off again. Doing surgeries so quickly is something I would advise against... take your time, and know how much you can take. I'm 10, 11 weeks now. That is a lot of time healing and feeling miserable.

Right now, my nose is still sore from the lip lift. No feeling in the middle part of the nose. Not being able to blow my nose for 10 weeks is a lot... so it drags me down, it isn't fun... a lip lift is just as serious as any other FFS procedure.

The lip lift healing did divert my attention to the other things in my face, now I notice that everything is healing well. Scar on my head begins to fade, it's less red. Feeling is 100% back in my forehead. Swelling has gone down completely. Chin still has a tiny piece that's swollen. So that is doing great...

Not much else to say...

I'm still down though... haven't been eating much. For two weeks my appetite is not there anymore... really strange. So haven't eaten a lot. Skipped most meals and just snacked.

I guess no surgery can fix my miserable empty feeling... still feeling depressed, lonely and fed up with everything.

I'm feeling a bit better right now.

Healing is going well. My scalp still itches daily, but I learned that it's not good to scratch it... right now I simply massage my head with my finger tips when it starts to itch. After a couple of minutes, it calms down. So that really does the trick. Scratching will intensify it.

So remember: any forehead work can result in the GREAT ITCH I am serious, sometimes it can last for years... I heard someone telling me it took more than 5 years to stop. Just so you know what you're up against...

Gently tapping my scalp also helps the nerves to regrow... it seems that they grow towards the areas I often tap on! sensation is almost back on the top of my head. Feeling is back for about 80%. The 20% is dull, to no feeling at all. Although I can feel my hair when it moves. It's the pain I don't feel in some minor spots. But it's difficult to locate them.

Today I felt a massive shooting pain through my forehead and across my scalp. It really hurt for a moment. It's the nerve reconnecting. So that is good news, despite being painful... felt like an injection or someone cutting my forehead with a knife.

Overall swelling has almost vanished completely, besides the chin has a little. Scar tissue in gumlines is also a bit swollen.

I can't completely smile yet, maybe for 70%, but the lip lift is doing fine. The mouth is still a bit tight when I do funny faces. 


Ah, what we do for BEAUTY!



YES! it's NO joke...

So glad you're feeling a little better! And thanks for the advice about the itching... That may someday come in handy. I've been reading a little about anesthesia-related depression. It seems it's very common and usually temporary, but serious while you're going through it. I hope the worst is behind you.


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Yes, besides the itching... the healing is becoming somewhat boring... which reflects in my updates.

With the anesthesia, I thought so too! I was drugged for a good 12 hours, and I think it's a kind of withdrawal symptom. I had the same thing with my SRS, when I got a morphine pump...

I must say, ever since my SRS I never felt the same... in a good and bad way. Good, because I got the body. Bad, because I feel the anesthesia changed me. It took a good 12 months to feel the same again. It's subtle, but I feel anesthesia definitely has a huge impact on the body.

In some ways, the anesthesia puts us in a suspended animation. It's really weird. It's not sleeping, it's more like a coma. After sleeping, we remember that we slept, and we feel that we slept. After anesthesia, it's like someone stole time.... like time is "missing". At least , that is how I felt.

It's strange not to experience all these surgeries. And my brains still tries to wrap around what happened, I guess....



Too much information: Scientist don't exactly know how anesthesia works. (I am glad I am finding this out AFTER I had some ).

I guess this will be my last installment of writing about my FFS for now. I've said it before, but I reached a point where I need to take time off and take stock of my life again.

it's funny, all this time, all these years, everything that happened, all the surgeries, electrolysis, therapy, talks, discussion, tears, agonies, fears, and all the physical healing, never really registered in my mind at all... It happened to my body, but my mind was somewhere else. As if it was detached. Stuck, in some place, trying to keep up and never really could.

I had no time to process it, because it was happening. Life was happening... I could not backtrack on what has happened all the time, because something new already happened when I did. When I look back, it feels like I watched a movie or read a script... it doesn't even feel real until I look and feel my body. Only then my mind realizes that the body is quicker than the mind. The mind always lags behind. The mind is like an echo of the body, a reflection that hits a wall. But to hear it, you need to be alone and even then it quickly decays into silence while time and the body pushes on. There no time to register it all while it happens. But I need time. Time to reflect before going any further with what I do.

Time to discover myself, who I truly am before I take another step... time to slow down a bit, to catch up and process, distill and refine.

I guess it's the same "mistake" everyone makes: focus too much on the destination, while forgetting about the journey... one day, we reach our destiny, but if we don't fully value the journey that led us to it, it's worth absolutely nothing. I guess that is the one thing I can take from transitioning: take time.

So as a last post, I think this will be fitting.

I must remember, that when I am burning, I am only rising from the ashes... others see me destroyed, they see the ashes of my former self. But from these fertile ashes, a phoenix will rise, and she will soar when she is ready.

There is no greater and no powerful symbol than the phoenix rising from it's own ashes. When all hope was lost, she rose from all doubt. When everyone thought she was a lost cause, that she was a nobody... her faith, hope and solitude strengthened her so much that it ignited her soul, and the flames gave birth to a new life. Her transformation only made her stronger, better, and soon she too will soar! from here, the only way is up.



Never forget: love, hope and faith (in ourselves) is everything we have.