I have known myself to be transgender for several years now at the age of 20 sometimes when lonely I would want a gay guy to like me but if I seen a straight man pay attention I'd want him to like me also ? Is this purely loneliness? Manipulation of oneself to find companionship ? I sometimes felt so lonely being trans cause the gay guys didn't want me and neither the straight men ( this is me just as a feminine male perceived guy to society ) I didn't belong anywhere or with anyone, apparently I was too feminine for the gays and had a penis to straight men so I attempted to be whatever you wanted me to be but always went back to being just trans.

Have you experienced this? I'd like to hear some others say if so. X

I haven't, but did consider this as part of the implications of transition.

I never did try to be feminine to get a guy (or a girl); I just think their own assumption/projection of gender disguised the obvious to them. And they never asked me about why I wasn't trying to be feminine, or I would have said. I think from the FTM perspective we are just more tolerated when being seen as women and our 'masculine behavior' is more ignored than any 'feminine behavior' is in those AMAB. One of the privileges men don't get so much of in this world.

It's not a prospect I look forward to. Facing the lack of desire from an existing partner I would have married isn't fun either. The idea is enough to put some people off that I know of transitioning, who have decided they'd rather be unhappy with themselves than be alone. Although I think they're assuming there is "no hope" when there is always some.

I won't pretend in future though. I'd rather live the rest of my life celibate than live the existence I did before. If you mean would I hide everything in "stealth" mode to try to be with someone... well, I intend to be stealth but in my view there's no point pretending to have functions you don't, in ways you don't, that you'll be expected to perform. It'll be worse when they find you lied. Since I can't stand dishonesty, I wouldn't be dishonest myself.

I'm going through this right now. I love her so much!!! She does not agree or want me to transition. Being afraid of losing her I just push my feelings down. I'm getting to the point however, that it's starting to affect our relationship. I need help and advice!!

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Quote from: Opie on January 22, 2017, 07:57:06 PM
I'm going through this right now. I love her so much!!! She does not agree or want me to transition. Being afraid of losing her I just push my feelings down. I'm getting to the point however, that it's starting to affect our relationship. I need help and advice!!

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From my own experience and you can read it all over the forum, it will get harder and harder over time until you can't tolerate it any longer.

I don't know you or her, but do you think she loves you too?

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I haven't transitioned, so this is coming from the perspective of a bisexual trans male who is (mostly) not out. I used to find myself acting hyper-feminine in front of straight men subconsciously. Doesn't happen as much as before (perhaps because my mental health improved?). Not sure the reason specifically, but maybe it's related to yours. Or could be related to my personal issues with other men. Who knows.

Quote from: Opie on January 22, 2017, 07:57:06 PM
I'm going through this right now. I love her so much!!! She does not agree or want me to transition. Being afraid of losing her I just push my feelings down. I'm getting to the point however, that it's starting to affect our relationship. I need help and advice!!

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I haven't had this problem personally luckily, so I can't give much advice on this specifically. I can imagine how difficult it must be to have a spouse who won't support you. I don't think it's healthy for you at all, regardless of if you love her or not. You don't deserve to be treated with so much disrespect that you push your own feelings down. I hope you at least logically know this, even if it isn't clicking with your heart.

I also hope it works out for you - whether it is with her or not, I hope you can be yourself soon.

I was once married to a beautiful woman, whom I loved more than life itself. I could not come out and instead suffered in private. She eventually found out, started having an affair and then divorced me. At the time I did not know about trans. But I knew ->-bleeped-<-s were considered perverts. So I carried that with me for many years until I finally opened up and discovered I am transgender. If I only had taken the initiative to open up 35 years sooner.

I put off transition to please a partner. At the time I thought I needed their affirmation and love more than anything, more than transitioning. It took a lot of therapy for me to value myself enough to decide that I needed to take care of myself and transition anyway.