Hey
Update

So this past week has been pretty epic....ly poor. I've only today had the energy and confidence to go out walking again. I've lost half a stone from not being able to eat from stress and feeling guilty. I haven't been able to cook or help around our house and just watched a lot of Dexter. I've been using my e-cig more because of the stress, which in turn dries my throat and makes my voice deeper...another vicious circle.

Turns out Gems aunt and uncle went to visit Gems mum after our conversation, if you could call it that. They left out a lot of things but i get the impression they made Gems mum (S) realise that things they said, and similar things S has said to me in the past, were very cruel. Gem has been texting her this past couple of days and S has used my name for the first time ever, and is using it freely now. I've had no apology from S about things she has said in the past (things that caused a butt load of damage) but she says she is worried about Gem and I and she is making an effort in telling her friends. I've had no support or understanding from S until this point so this is a turning point.

Gems aunt talked to her mum (B) and said some nasty things about us and was pretty much talking absolute plight (censoring!). Misleading her and generally being negative and hurtful towards us. B told Gems aunt that her behavior was utterly unacceptable, that she was horrible to have said them to us, and that it was to never happen again. B is also very worried but Gems mum and dad have been talking to her. Also Gem saw her today.
B owns the house we rent, hence this whole situation has been so difficult.

I feel like there has been no resolution as I am the one left hurt and damaged and without an apology. I can forgive a lot, but only if the person gives me a genuine apology and realises that they have done wrong. I forgave my mother for making me feel like an alien in what was my home. I also forgive my emotionally abusive father. Not sure why, or how, but he seems to be trying. The plot thickens!

Jessica

Jessica,

I am in no spot to lecture or give advice. Will that stop me, weeeelll(to quote David Tennant's Doctor).

Actually all I wanted to say is that I think forgiveness is a key in mental health. It's one of those things I can't define but I have a reaction when I think about it. We have to forgive those we love. If we want to move on, we often have to forgive those who don't understand, they may be ones we don't love. Especially we need to forgive ourselves.

I am working toward these things myself.

I am happy that some of the dynamic seems to be turning and maybe easier for you soon.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smoother journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 25, 2017, 09:37:52 PM
Jessica,

I am in no spot to lecture or give advice. Will that stop me, weeeelll(to quote David Tennant's Doctor).

Actually all I wanted to say is that I think forgiveness is a key in mental health. It's one of those things I can't define but I have a reaction when I think about it. We have to forgive those we love. If we want to move on, we often have to forgive those who don't understand, they may be ones we don't love. Especially we need to forgive ourselves.

I am working toward these things myself.

I am happy that some of the dynamic seems to be turning and maybe easier for you soon.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smoother journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hey
Thank you Joanna!
Well said. The problem is that I want to move on and forget about them completely. I see why they may have said the things they said, I can see their side of it. I just can't accept the damage they have caused, I can't forgive them for that, there is no justice. The emotional pain equated around the being stabbed mark. If they had done that then the police would get involved and justice would be served, there would be closure. I have no closure. I want to forget and never see them again but I can't forgive them. However, they are part of Gems family so seeing them again and having to talk to them is inevitable.
Somewhat reaching a brick wall in my head about this.

Jessica

I totally understand. I just find as we get more weighed down by others negativity, it weighs us down more. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen to us all at one time or another.

Wish you the best.

Warmly,

Joanna