They're growing!... How am I going to tell my daughter?... I can't wait for my doctor approved meds to arrive!... My left side is more tender than the right this morning... Well good! it seems a little behind the right maybe it's catching up.... Things are happening too quick. Maybe I should stop until I at least talk to the therapist.... I can feel myself inside the cups a little now!.... I don't fill my bra yet ...  What is my oncologist going to think when I see her next week? She is going to see it in my chart if not on my chest. What is she going to say?.... 2 whole months, WOW!!.. what am I going to tell my sister and other family? What will I say to my friends? how are they going to react?.   Should I find someone to start electrolysis? Maybe I should look into an orchiectomy? ..... What if I'm not really transgendered? Then what?... I can't wait until I can wear dresses and skirts! .. Will I ever feel like a real woman?. I love dressing like a woman, I feel pretty, it feels right. ..  I'll never look like a real woman.

   I'm all over the place this morning.

I'm rather new to HRT and transition, but to be honest I could never have gotten this far without therapy.  I spent about six months talking to my therapist about who to tell, when to tell them and how.  And this was all before starting HRT. 

I know it's all overwhelming but talking to a professional can help you sort out all these questions and feelings.   It's impossible to figure it out all at once, you need to bite things off in bite size pieces. 

Thanks Kat69.

Thank you for your input. My only previous experience with therapy was during  the breakup with my ex when I got trapped into sessions with what started out to be marriage counseling after I had admitted I had though of suicide. It was agree to sessions or be detained for my own good against my will. The sessions lasted several weeks until I could convince her the feelings had passed. In the years since they have returned and fairly intensely at few times, but I could not pull the trigger when it came down to it.  Those times passed also.

Now it's just the squirrels  illustrated above that have taken up residence in my head. I use distraction in the form of audio books to get to sleep at night. It usually works.

The road to therapy starts Feb 23rd for me. That when I see a shrink for initial assessment. (I fear she will think I'm nuts. I'm already convinced of it) Then hopefully on to the gender therapist if so assessed. In the meantime the wacky though continue.

Jeanette

Sounds pretty normal.  The Buddha called them mind monkeys and they do tend to wake up at times, jump around, scream,  throw things and cause general mayhem.  He prescribed meditation to quiet them down.  And the 4 noble truths. And the eight fold path. And the darma, the sangha, the buddha, etc.  Just being myself has helped enormously. The path of transition.  Sounds like a normal day to me. 
Really.

Quote from: Jane Emily on January 30, 2017, 06:47:53 PM
Sounds pretty normal.  The Buddha called them mind monkeys and they do tend to wake up at times, jump around, scream,  throw things and cause general mayhem. .......  Just being myself has helped enormously. The path of transition.  Sounds like a normal day to me. 
Really.

/sigh Yes, Jane Emily, they're the same squirrels or mind monkeys. They haven't even  started a new subject. It's an old one that has been elevated by starting HRT.  Since seeing my doctor it's been about all I've thought about.