I won't be able to do anything about anything (HRT, surgery, etc) until my health is stabilized, but would still like to finish my therapy.
BUT - I'm literally terrified. I've only found one gender therapist in my area (despite searching) and I'm not sure I'd survive another session with her.
She brutalized me.
I had to sit and listen to dieting tips and workout plans. I mean, I thought I was talking to my PCP for christ sake!
'Your weight this, your weight that..'
I'm not here because of my huge gut, lady! Guess all ftms are skinny or some ->-bleeped-<-.

And then, I had to hear how femmy I look. She laughed at my hair and called it feminine. Which it is. I have a guy's cut, but it's extremely thick, wavy, and loosely curled and blondish and there's REALLY no cut to make it look masculine.
And if I cut it too short, too close to the head, it only emphasizes my extremely girly face.
So, then I had to hear how badly I don't pass.

And then, as I was handing her the check, she finished me off. "You might want to consider a new binder. That one's not working very well."

But she did diagnose me as ftm and promise I could have HRT in 3 months (which I can't at the moment anyhow. The Doc would kill me)
But I want to feel like I'm doing something while I can still do nothing.

She's the 'best' throughout the state. A pioneer gender therapist. Been at it forever.
But my god, she's a witch. And I've no wish to pay $150 bucks to be humiliated for another hour.

Has anybody else been brutalized by their gender therapist?

Sorry that she wasn't more empathic Nero.
She's not your doctor after all.
I would mention, without aggressivity
or being accusatory,
that you didn't appreciate these mentions
and it affected you
the next time you see her.

If she's got empathy at all, she'll
apologize.

That said,
if your goal is to improve your health
enough to have HRT as soon as possible
(which I believe is possible, I'm an optimist)
getting yourself into shape will relieve tons
of existing problems (and future ones).
Especially because T is not that good
for the cardio system.

I know you can do anything your heart really want Nero.
I know you've got much strength inside you.

I know, sound like a broken record. Sorry for that.

Nero, try this. Ask her if she has ever felt she was overweight, for instance, when she saw herself in a mirror. When she says 'yes' -- who among us hasn't felt that? -- ask her if she's ever done that and had someone else come along and inform her that she was 'overweight' or 'obese.' If she says 'yes' ask how that felt. Did she feel at the time that she required that other person to inform her of what she already knew herself?

I think she might get the picture. You could also use bad haircut or new outfit that others thought looked hideous AFTER she was out in it. That should round out nicely a picture of herself in the position she placed you in.

Yep, therapists sometimes forget that we are human too.

Nichole 

I think some therapists are actaully doing this to help you in reality. They try to "test" you to make sure this is really something that will make an improvement in your life. In reality they are actaully doing you a huge favor by going against your beliefs because they want to see if you'll be put off by the whole thing even if you have physical traits working against you.

Forget your "girly" face. If you take T and workout it will make a huge difference on your bones, muscles, facial hair, your fat, your jaw, and your hair could look less pretty.

Sometimes FtM may have less expenses because all they pretty much need is breast removal and T. T would do a lot of physical changes that surgery is pretty much pointless. At first you may pass but ONLY as a kid- T will take sometime BUT if you workout lifting wieghts it will do it faster...

Quote from: Tanya1 on January 27, 2008, 03:37:33 PM
I think some therapists are actaully doing this to help you in reality. They try to "test" you to make sure this is really something that will make an improvement in your life. In reality they are actaully doing you a huge favor by going against your beliefs because they want to see if you'll be put off by the whole thing even if you have physical traits working against you.

Nero, hopefully this is why she said what she said. Maybe she should just check the way she said it.
If you let her know how you felt about it, she'll know you are genuine and hopefully be more considarate in the future.

LLL&R

Maebh

Maybe you need to have a thick skin to be a guy. Example Marine training.

(in south african impression) slip the twit.

You are intelligent and very perceptive. You know that you do not pass. You also know you can't do much about it until your health is more stable. In this case her job is to make you more settled into yourself as a man, to give you things to hold onto despite the lack of bodily cohesion and to prepare you for for that bodily cohesion. Not to give style tips.

Quote from: lisagurl on January 27, 2008, 07:47:38 PM
Maybe you need to have a thick skin to be a guy. Example Marine training.

Oh just rub it in, why don't you?

Posted on: January 27, 2008, 09:06:33 PM

---

Thanks to those who offered kind words to me.

Really Nero, the choice is up to you whether you want to go back to that therapist or not.  I don't know if I would if some therapist went all crazy like that on me.  Maybe you don't need a gender therapist, and perhaps a regular therapist might be able to help you?  Or another gender therapist that maybe isn't as "good" as they claim yours to be or something.

Either way, good luck with what you choose.  I'd maybe call that therapist and give them a little opinion on what YOU expect if you continue therapy with them; not how they can harass you for your whole session and gain nothing out of it.

Aw, Nero!  Sorry she treated you like that.  But at least you got the diagnosis you needed. 

Have you considered telling her that you really aspire to be Jackie Gleason?  That might shut her right up!

Anyway, I'm hoping things turn out well for you.  I know they will.



Kristi

Nero.....

I can't say that I've ever been treated that way by a therapist.  She is indeed a jerk and a doo doo head (Pardon my technical jargon).  I personally would go waaaay out of my way to find a therapist who wished to actually help me in the ways I needed help.  To be given a raft of criticism like that is not beneficial at all.  You're wasting your time and money there, guy.


Bev

Nero;

My first therapist pulled that on me, bringing up point after point on why I wasn't trans.  It left me a wreck for a week.

I didn't appreciate it.  I still don't.  I suspect some therapists use it as a kind of cheap test.

Remember, trans is a self-diagnosed condition.  The meds and psychs only confirm the diagnosis. 

Sadly, with gatekeepers still out there, you sometimes have to do doctor-shopping.  If you're stuck with this one, though, being assertive without being passive or aggressive (or worst, passive-aggressive,) may be what is called for.

Remember:  You Da Man...

Karen

Re: The Gender Therapist from HELL

Yes...James Barrett from Charing Cross GIC, London, U.K

Quote from: Karen on January 28, 2008, 12:44:44 AM

Sadly, with gatekeepers still out there, you sometimes have to do doctor-shopping.

I went shopping after I was well into transition on my own (I NEVER recommend this very dangerous thing to anyone else) .  I showed up in women's clothes, and let her know I had transitioned quite a while back, was presenting dressing, and being female at work, at home.....everywhere, 24/7.  I think she thought it was quite nervy of me, going around the gate keepers, but my diagnosis was a forgone conclusion.  After 2 sessions, she diagnosed me as classic transsexual.

Same with my gender doc, and all she could do was blood monitoring, and writing scripts for what I was already on.

I hate gate-keeping. After all, it's MY life......


Bev

The person at the clinic I went to did that to me and I was irritated.  a  lot.

I think it was a test of some kind which didn't much help me in finding myself because it kept me focussed on things I didn't need to be focussed on. 

Fortunately, I'm the most intelligent person on Earth and I outwitted my evil adversary by following my intuition.



Rebis

Sorry you had to go through that, Nero. She sounds horribly insensitive. I had a therapist suddenly turn like that after I'd been going there for over a year. Told me I should accept being partly masculine and invoked my old male name. I was more than offended.

Whereupon I promptly, to borrow Pica's felicitous phrase, "slipped the twit."

Quote from: Hypatia on January 28, 2008, 11:58:48 PM
Told me I should accept being partly masculine and invoked my old male name. I was more than offended.

Egad!  I would have flipped!  I would have suggested to her that she find another, more suitable line of work, and tell her I'd be sure to recommend her to everyone I knew....yeahright.
I'm royally pissed on your behalf.

Bev

The Gender Therapist from HELL!!!