Well this has been a very interesting New Year for Me. To say the least. Finally admitted to myself of who I am and would like to be or hope to be some day. Went and found a therapist on my own accord and that idea in the past was a scary (denial). It's was my second session yesterday and she said straight out. Your transgender and not a typical cross dresser. She reinforced what I have know and didn't want to admit. Not sure what is next but I guess it will be a interesting ride. I guess down the road I will be dealing with Family (WoW) and Work. I sure am glad I found this place and I have read so much and Thank You all in advance.

Love Christine

Hello Christine, you have made a big step, recognizing that you are transgender. It sounds relatively simple but it was huge for me. In about a two month period I; recognized that I was transgender, I did not have control of that, and finally I really liked being who I was/am. Before that time I guess that I'd been pretending that I was in control and could choose to be trans or let go of it and return to being "normal". That realization almost killed me (control was always a big thing for me) but in surviving, totally freed me. You have made a big step, work with your therapist and enjoy the ride. - Anne

It is definitely a learning curve for everyone involved.  I had a short conversation last night with my wife.  I made a comment that I am still struggling with it even after 45+ years of knowing.  HOWEVER, it was only a few months ago that I admitted to her and my then "new" GT and like you, it is gong to be an interesting ride.  My advise, take it slow.  Family, Work, and Life will all move forward.  Take the time to determine the right time and right way to move forward with them.  I am sure your GT will help you with this.
Paula

Hi Christine!

Welcome to the wonderful world of gender-variance, lol..

You have crossed the most difficult bridge already, congratulations!!!

But, yeah, now that you know, there will be even more questions and choices and obstacles to be dealt with, but hey, that's why we get a lifetime on the planet, so we can work things out, and feel our way forward. Trans or cis, gay or straight, we are all in the same boat, really..

Again, yay!!!

Missy

Congratulations on working to figure yourself out. Hearing positive recognition of who you are from your therapist can be so validating! I know that my own therapist is totally in my court and the second she saw me presenting she flat out said "so, there's no denying this!" In the weeks leading up to that, she questioned the nature and extent of my feelings & desires, at first I was genuinely worried that she didn't believe me or thought I was just a cross dresser/transvestite, even though I knew she only wanted to understand my situation as best as possible and challenge me to explore the depths of myself. Hearing her acknowledge my being transgender made it a whole lot more real and much more okay for me, even though I know I don't need hers or anyone else's validation to make it true.

Awesome!

I don't admit this to many people, but I went into therapy thinking I was "just a cross dresser." That first session, my therapist asked questions like what role clothing means to me. Do I get aroused. Do I have fantasies.

When she heard "no role, no. Never," she made the same assessment as your therapist. Had I not gone to that therapy, I probably would never gone full time. I sure never ever thought I'd have surgery. But session after session, it became much clearer. Like why relationships never worked out, why I was unhappy, my childhood etc.

Some diss therapy saying you shouldn't need to have a therapist to tell you who you are.mi strongly disagree as therapists are the best listeners out there.

Quote from: Nina_Ottawa on February 03, 2017, 12:13:52 PM
Some diss therapy saying you shouldn't need to have a therapist to tell you who you are.mi strongly disagree as therapists are the best listeners out there.

That is their job, lol..

I can't help but to believe that for those of us socialized as males, our resistance to therapy stems from self-concepts learned in that role. As males, we are taught to be above needing therapy, to always KNOW things, even when we don't, to question authority, to never admit we are wrong, to never let our guard down, to trust nobody...

It is my opinion that the louder one rails against therapy, the more likely they are running from a truth they dare not yet face. Just my opinion, though, what do I know, I am just a woman, ha ha!

;-) Missy

Quote from: MissGendered on February 03, 2017, 12:32:18 PM
That is their job, lol..

I can't help but to believe that for those of us socialized as males, our resistance to therapy stems from self-concepts learned in that role. As males, we are taught to be above needing therapy, to always KNOW things, even when we don't, to question authority, to never admit we are wrong, to never let our guard down, to trust nobody...

It is my opinion that the louder one rails against therapy, the more likely they are running from a truth they dare not yet face. Just my opinion, though, what do I know, I am just a woman, ha ha!

;-) Missy

Haha very true.
Where I got backlash against therapy were "holier than thou" trans people...saying that if I didn't know I was trans, I probably am not.
It wouldn't be the first time that I found more confrontation within our own community than outside. Probably why I don't stay on sites very long.

Quote from: Nina_Ottawa on February 03, 2017, 12:45:49 PM
Haha very true.
Where I got backlash against therapy were "holier than thou" trans people...saying that if I didn't know I was trans, I probably am not.
It wouldn't be the first time that I found more confrontation within our own community than outside. Probably why I don't stay on sites very long.

I totally get what you are saying.

It helps me to try to remember that when people are hurting, they tend to lash out and hurt people, too, trans or cis, gay or straight. It does seem more ironic though, when we turn on our own, but hey, isn't that what happened in a lot of our birth families? It takes a LOT of determination to rise above that kinda crap, even when not confronted with a gender-variant or same-sex truth. My experiences in life have been much less stressful when surrounded by straight/cis strangers than by my family or trans-family, but unless I revisit the peoples that hurt me, I cannot purge the last vestiges of injury that I still cling to so tightly. This forum has been MUCH better in every way than my previous internet experiences, so many self-aware and evolved souls, and much quality intellect, too. I am glad to be here, even if it is for just a while...

Missy

Quote from: MissGendered on February 03, 2017, 12:32:18 PM
That is their job, lol..

I can't help but to believe that for those of us socialized as males, our resistance to therapy stems from self-concepts learned in that role. As males, we are taught to be above needing therapy, to always KNOW things, even when we don't, to question authority, to never admit we are wrong, to never let our guard down, to trust nobody...

It is my opinion that the louder one rails against therapy, the more likely they are running from a truth they dare not yet face. Just my opinion, though, what do I know, I am just a woman, ha ha!

;-) Missy

That how it pretty much was for me. I spent the my whole life thinking nobody really needed therapy, that it was just for weak people who couldn't deal. I didn't understand when my girlfriend - now wife - decided that she needed to see a therapist in college, I dismissed her choice to become a counselor as frivolous. How wrong I was. Practically overnight, I went from "Nope, never. I don't need a therapist at all." To "Holy sh*t, I need therapy!" In the course of an evening.

I understand that some people don't feel as though they need it, but when I finally came out of denial, the first thing I knew I needed to do was talk with a professional to really figure myself out. It's helped me understand what transition means to me and what I want out of all of this, plus it's helping me to identify the different roadblocks I've put up and coping mechanisms I've been using. Now, I really knew that it was time to transition was when I found myself sitting in my first few sessions worrying whether or not my therapist truly believed everything that I was telling her. By my fourth session I managed to work up the courage to fully present as 'Libbey' out of the house for the first time and she admitted to me that she didn't feel there was any way for either of us to deny that I'm transgender.

Libbey,

A big ((HUG)) for you!! You done good, girlfriend!!!

Pardon the southernism, lol, but yeah, what you said was exactly what I was meaning...

Congratulations for relenting, and relearning, and now, living...

Another ((HUG)) for ya!

Isn't womanhood just amazing???

Yessssss!!!

Missy

Well thank you, Missy!

The journey has definitely felt a lot longer than it has been so far! And yes, Womanhood is fantastic, even if it can be difficult to embrace and think of myself that way at times. As I get further along it's getting easier, but I'll make it all the way eventually!

Thanks Anne/Paula/Missy/Rambler/Nina for all the kind words and encouragement!

I was the same way about seeing a therapist. Who needs to talk to someone I can handle this on My own. That really hasn't worked all that well. So here I am asking for some help from My therapist and all of You. This forum is one if not the biggest reason why I started seeing a therapist. I Hope others that come to this forum find the courage to at least to talk to someone.

Nina were You at My last therapy session watching. Lol

Thanks agian Ladies

I tend to have a healthy fear of zealots, of any ilk. IMO, I cannot grasp on an intellectual level how any can be absolutely 100% sure that the road to nirvana is an immediate full social and medical transition into the opposite gender, a world, and a life you have no experience with. Especially when you have a few miles on you to start with.

One great aspect of a therapist's role is to interject some reality. Or to get you to think about the things you either stuffed, or didn't want to consider because of "The Dream". If only "If Only" were the rule life worked by vs the reality rule of "And Then What?" A therapist helps in playing those mental chess games you'd rather avoid

For me "Transitioning" has always been a constant voyage, better yet meandering. Sure, in a perfect world, I would love to live and present as the real me. The world is far from perfect and I am far from being a Super Model, except the 6ft tall part. No matter who you are life has challenges. Life will involve compromises. Life involves trade offs. I use the guiding principal of "Which Pain is Worse?" to balance all the needs against all the wants

An expectation of failure is the ultimate precursor to such...

There was an Anthony Hopkins movie about caged Gorillas a decade or so ago, and the gist of it was, that even when the cage door was wide open, the Gorillas were so broken by their captivity, that they wouldn't even step outside the cage..

A good therapist will also help you to see that the door is open, and that we CAN step out, if we can heal ourselves of the 'what if's' that we use to keep ourselves in captivity, long after we are technically free to go..

One needn't be a super model to allow one's self to be free.

Missy

Quote from: Nina_Ottawa on February 03, 2017, 12:13:52 PM


Some diss therapy saying you shouldn't need to have a therapist to tell you who you are.mi strongly disagree as therapists are the best listeners out there.

I have heard similar things.. from trans and cis people. I found that having my therapist validate everything I was feeling was one of the most freeing things.

I try and be somewhat open about my going to therapy in an effort to help lessen the stigma people have about going to therapy. It makes some people go 'Oh.' when I say I go every week.

Gryffin that stigma is only in are Minds. As Missy said its time to open the door to are minds! Be who we are!