Hi everyone im Cameron - im non-binary, 17 & from the uk and am just super confused atm.

I came out to my family as nb 2 years ago when I was 14 and my family were really confused by it. Made it tough with my family for a long time bc they didn't understand me. They didn't use my pronouns correctly (they/them) for ages and kept referring to me as he/him. It's made the last 2 years really difficult but they're finally starting to come round to the idea. My dad is still v not accepting stuff but my mum has started to pronoun me right.

But I think I might have made a mistake bc for the last few months have been feeling like something is wrong. Just feeling more and more like my body is just wrong and I'm presenting as female more and more feeling like I'm not nb anymore. But then also feel like I am bc that's who I am. Just really feel like some days I wish I was afab and I don't know what I'm thinking

I came out to everyone as nb - my family, friends, even my entire school and I'm really worried I was wrong and I'm actually trans and now I have to do it all again. I don't want to get it wrong though and don't know if I can trust myself.

Does anyone have any advise or anything like what should I do?


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Hi Cameron2000

Welcome and I hope you enjoy your time here at Susan's.

Please feel free to have a poke around the NB topics and board or anywhere else for that matter.

Regards

Liz


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Welcome to the Place Cameron,

Confusion is sometimes a good sign that we are thinking critically about important matters.  Your personal gender identity may not be something that aligns well with labels and for some people gender can be fluid or loosely defined.

Transgender is most often considered an umbrella term that includes all kinds of people including non binary folks.  It can also include crossdressers and drag queens but not all CDs and drag performers consider themselves transgender.  You can certainly be both non binary and transgender and there are thousands of people who do identify that way.  A recent survey of over 27,000 transgender people in the USA noted over a third of the respondents self identified as non binary.  People are always changing and your self awareness can change and that's OK too.

I would encourage you to continue exploring those feelings and talk with people about it.  Have you tried working with the gender identity clinics or transgender support groups?  We also have non binary and youth sections of the forums here to explore. 

Yep you'd still trans if you're nb. Trans simply meaning you don't identify as cis. There are quite a lot of nb gender identities out there and it could be you just haven't found out the right one yet. Only recently did I find out you can feel like you have two gender identities; not just feeling like both male and female; so I identify as a demiguy. You could look at the non binary network blog on tumblr and youtube which might help. Or there's also beyond the binary; a uk nb magazine.  And FTM/MTF/GF All Over and UK non binary/ GQ meetup network; both uk based fb groups for nb people.

It can take a good while to figure out how you identify and you msy never find a label which completely suits you. You're not ab inconvenience for wanting certain pronouns in the past and a new set of pronouns in the future. Remember you're more than a label.

Thank you ElizabethK Tessa & Elis... really amazing to read what you wrote. Im feeling a bit lost with it all tbh. But better for knowing im not alone!


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I was in the same situation as you. I'm nearly 18, and came out to my sister when I was 14, and again when I was 15. The first time I came out as a trans boy, and the second time I came out as nonbinary. I have changed labels throughout my teenage years (not so much as publicly, though, so I'm not in as rough a boat as you), and that's totally okay. I've been identifying as a trans boy for a while now again and it feels right. We're still young and don't need to know exactly yet, even if it's embarrassing showing how confused you are to others.

I have a friend who identified as a trans boy for years, and is suddenly back to identifying as a female or nonbinary. She told her school, friends, and possibly family to use different pronouns and all, and is now back in the process of saying just to use she/her. I can imagine it might be awkward for you to do this. Try to spend a little while asking friends to use other terminology and pronouns for you before taking it to the school and all. At least they're not using he/him right?

Good luck with your family as well.