Dear people,

My name is E., I'm 18 years old and I've been told that I'm a girl. I also grew up as a girl. But I doubt this. I don't think that I am a "normal girl" and I have some reasons for this. But first, I'm sorry for any misspellings. English isn't my native language.

1. When I was born, the doctor(s) decided to give me a blue birth card while all newborn girls normally get pink cards. When I got to know that the doctors had given me a boy birth card I asked my mother why. She said "it was just a mistake." But the doctor(s) were not the only ones who thought that I was a boy or who treated me like that. Everyone but my mother also believed that I was a boy and they called me Eric. This stopped when my mother started to dress me more like a girl and when she growed my hair long, but I was still a very boyish girl. I don't dress very girly (also not very boyish) but people sometimes still mistake me for a boy or they aren't sure if I'm male or female.

2. I always felt odd and I don't feel like I have had a normal puberty. I started to grow arm pit hair very early (age , I don't have breasts and I have dark and thick body hair around my nipples, at my stomach and my sneezes. My menstruation is mostly normal but I've had a period whereas I didn't menstruate for 3 months. Though I don't react at birth-control pills. They don't work for me. My body doesn't look like a female, I often wondered why my ass is so flat (I thought: people have told me that I'm a girl... but I don't look like them. Do I wear the wrong clothes or something?)

3. My vagina is kinda odd. My clitoris is surely larger then avarage and I don't know for sure if I have inner lips and my venus is larger then average. I don't know for sure if there are abnormal things about my vagina (what is a "normal" vagina anyway?)

Should I contact my GP based on this ? Do you think I show symptoms of Intersexuality or a related thing?

Thanks.

Welcome to the Place Tomboy.  We have had more than a few people identify as tomboys here.   You are asking some important and serious questions that deserve answers.  Yes, it does sound like you might have an intersexed condition and many parents with babies born that way were once told to never talk about it.  There really is a wide range of what is simply normal anatomy too.

I agree that seeking a medical opinion and evaluation is a good step.  Do you think your mother is being honest with you about your birth card and all that?  I trust you are the best judge of who you are no matter what your genitals look like.  Your english is fine and far better than any second language i have attempted.

One of the moderators will be along soon and I imagine others will post comments on your very interesting narrative too.

Quote from: Tessa James on February 08, 2017, 12:40:45 PM
Welcome to the Place Tomboy.  We have had more than a few people identify as tomboys here.   You are asking some important and serious questions that deserve answers.  Yes, it does sound like you might have an intersexed condition and many parents with babies born that way were once told to never talk about it.  There really is a wide range of what is simply normal anatomy too.

I agree that seeking a medical opinion and evaluation is a good step.  Do you think your mother is being honest with you about your birth card and all that?  I trust you are the best judge of who you are no matter what your genitals look like.  Your english is fine and far better than any second language i have attempted.

One of the moderators will be along soon and I imagine others will post comments on your very interesting narrative too.

Thanks for your answer. You sound like a really nice person btw 

I don't know if my mother is honest. I never heard stories from mothers who's child got the wrong(?) birth card. I've also looked it up on Google, but didn't found a topic about it (for example: "My daughter got a blue birth card, is this normal?") Maybe she doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that I may be "abnormal" in her or other peoples opinion. I don't think that intersexual people are abnormal btw. She also reacts angry if I tell her that people mistake me for a boy, she thinks people just "try to offend me" [tho I don't feel offended!]. I have no idea if she holds information back.

Thank you   I agree with you that there is nothing abnormal about you really!  Intersex babies are born that way and there are at least 57 different biological conditions for this normal human variation. 

It is funny now but, as a kid, people used to tease me about being a girl.  I would quietly think to myself "whats wrong with that?"  I can imagine that you might wonder whats wrong with being a boy, tomboy or simply unique?  There are many posts from people here who have a history with intersex concerns.  Still I don't assume that is what is happening with you.  The bottom line is that your deeply personal and inherent gender identity is yours alone to affirm.  Supportive friends, family and therapists can help with this exploration and finding our truth.

Many of us are here to give and gain support for our journey of a lifetime.

Hi E,

Welcome to the site. I am one of the moderators that Tessa James talked about.

I would agree with most of what Tessa James posted. Parents were instructed to hide this sort of thing and often made choices early to smooth it all over.

I think that your GP might be the best place to start to find out more. Most people are never given a chromosome test. To be honest, in the case of intersex individuals the chromosomal test may not tell you much. It is really who you feel you are. I would also suggest visiting a gender clinic or finding a gender therapist to help you if the medical field cannot. I feel therapists are a major key to people figuring out what do as questions like yours come up and with each shift or turn to outcomes.

People are not always one absolute female or male either. We have many people on our site who identify as more of one "gender" than another but still feel like they are a mix.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hello!
i am new here and i understand your situation
mine is not that different
i do not know anything about my birth because i was adopted
but i remember being a very boyish girl and my mom once joked about me being a boy because i was able to...mh pee like a boy
my puberty started very early. my clitoris is larger than that of a girl? large enough to worry about tight trousers etc and my hair growth is a very male pattern too (i can also grow a beard, so i have to shave every morning)
a doctor once said i look "androgynous"

Quote from: Setepen-Ra on March 06, 2017, 10:13:02 AM
Hello!
i am new here and i understand your situation
mine is not that different
i do not know anything about my birth because i was adopted
but i remember being a very boyish girl and my mom once joked about me being a boy because i was able to...mh pee like a boy
my puberty started very early. my clitoris is larger than that of a girl? large enough to worry about tight trousers etc and my hair growth is a very male pattern too (i can also grow a beard, so i have to shave every morning)
a doctor once said i look "androgynous"

Welcome aboard Setepen-Ra.  This may be a great place for you to explore along with our Tomboy above.  Seems you may have some issues in common?  Such irony that many folks here would love to achieve a more androgynous presentation while for others it is a concern?  Be careful about what we wish for maybe?

For me the grass was always greener on the girls playground and now I have a few years of a more jaundiced perspective.  Even with gender dysphoria way reduced it is still no walk in the park to be an enby trans person.

Quote from: Setepen-Ra on March 06, 2017, 10:13:02 AM
Hello!
i am new here and i understand your situation
mine is not that different
i do not know anything about my birth because i was adopted
but i remember being a very boyish girl and my mom once joked about me being a boy because i was able to...mh pee like a boy
my puberty started very early. my clitoris is larger than that of a girl? large enough to worry about tight trousers etc and my hair growth is a very male pattern too (i can also grow a beard, so i have to shave every morning)
a doctor once said i look "androgynous"

Hi and welcome to the site.

Have you tried having any medical tests done? Also, do you have a therapist to work through some of these difficulties with? I think they might be helpful.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Update:

I haven't visited a doctor yet. At first, I hestitated because I thought: well, a blue birthcard from the hospital doesn't say anything.

But there was more. In the Netherlands, births are noted in the news papers. Not big, just a small place with names of children born in a certain hospital.

I was in that part of the newspaper too: as the SON of [my mothers name].

Now I am convinced that I should ask my GP/the hospital why. This is not something that happens everyday.

It's very clear that I was AMAB. For some reason.
Does anyone has tips/experiences? I am going to call this Monday.

Thanks

It sound like you are intersex. If you re interested in knowing, you should push for a genetic check along with a blood draw to check estradiol, total estrogen and testosterone. It appears that when you were born, the quick inspection determined that you were male however a latter check indicated female so they started raising you as a girl. Your child hood records if they can be located might hold a clue but other than that, you parents would be the best source of information. Also a sneaky approach is my parents kept a baby book about my early years. If your parents kept one, there might be additional clues in there.

Thanks for your advice and information! My mother has enough baby books (pictures and papers of the nurse). My father was absent in my childhood.

Is there a chance that she is lying? She keeps saying that the hospital just made a mistake and that she doesn't know anything.

Also, I remember feeling and being treated as a boy till I was 5 years old. What are the signs of intersex surgery? They are capable of a lot.

Intersex can exhibit it's self in a number of different ways so there wouldn't be one specific thing to look for. It would take a vary close examination looking for scars or anything out of the ordinary. In your case, any surgery would have taken place around the age of 5 and you should have a memory of it.

Doctors sometimes make mistakes if they find an excessively large clitoris or an undersized penis. It's also possible that you mothers didn't restrict your behavior when you were younger as she considered you a tom boy. As you reached the age where you would have to deal with others, she may have pushed you into the feminine role so you would fit in better. We can make guesses but until you come up with some hard facts, we won't know what is really going on.

Only a doctor and dna test can tell. There's no centralized medical history bank in USA, so you cannot find your past medical history if someone took basic steps to hide it.


But if you always had been with one doctor, you can request a file to see for yourself. And you can request a file from your birth hospital, and ask around for pediatrician records (lack of those would indicate your mom changed pediatrician at some time without transferring your file, which isn't bad per se, yet might suggest further digging).

Quote from: Dena on July 23, 2017, 10:30:53 AM
Intersex can exhibit it's self in a number of different ways so there wouldn't be one specific thing to look for. It would take a vary close examination looking for scars or anything out of the ordinary. In your case, any surgery would have taken place around the age of 5 and you should have a memory of it.

Doctors sometimes make mistakes if they find an excessively large clitoris or an undersized penis. It's also possible that you mothers didn't restrict your behavior when you were younger as she considered you a tom boy. As you reached the age where you would have to deal with others, she may have pushed you into the feminine role so you would fit in better. We can make guesses but until you come up with some hard facts, we won't know what is really going on.

I was in a hospital when I was 5/6 years old. The problem is that I don't remember a lot of it. My mother has later told me I had something with my arm but I don't recall having anything with my arm at that time. But I remember having my pants out/off and getting suppository while crying. I have no idea what happened after that.

Unfortunately we remember what's most important to us. I had an eye operation when I was almost 4 years old and my single memory is waking up after surgery being very unhappy with the world. I had to have been in the hospital at least 2 days but I only remember about 15 minutes of it.

Quote from: Tomboy on July 24, 2017, 01:01:38 PM
I was in a hospital when I was 5/6 years old. The problem is that I don't remember a lot of it. My mother has later told me I had something with my arm but I don't recall having anything with my arm at that time. But I remember having my pants out/off and getting suppository while crying. I have no idea what happened after that.

Why won't you start with your PCP and ask him to tell you about your medical history? Maybe you mother transferred your medical file from one place to another or told something to PCP about your birth condition / surgery in the past? Also, you should be able to request a simple DNA test if you're ready to pay the bill (it shouldn't be too expensive)

Quote from: Dena on July 24, 2017, 01:11:34 PM
Unfortunately we remember what's most important to us. I had an eye operation when I was almost 4 years old and my single memory is waking up after surgery being very unhappy with the world. I had to have been in the hospital at least 2 days but I only remember about 15 minutes of it.

Wow, then it's really true that we only remember what's important to us. Or anything that has any emotional effect. But we were both young too.

QuoteWhy won't you start with your PCP and ask him to tell you about your medical history? Maybe you mother transferred your medical file from one place to another or told something to PCP about your birth condition / surgery in the past? Also, you should be able to request a simple DNA test if you're ready to pay the bill (it shouldn't be too expensive)

I got a new GP when I was thirteen years old. The former one is retired. I have no idea if he has shared medical information with my new GP. I can ask her. My mother has rarely spoken with the new GP.

I am afraid that my GP won't take me seriously. Even though I know it's very uncommon for a supposed girl to have a history of being AMAB, lol. But the fact that I can menstruate makes me suspect that I am just paranoid or overthinking this.

Thanks for the help everyone!

If you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. Just ask your PCP to show you your medical file (without any explanations) and ask if she sees anything peculiar about it (as well as request details about any surgeries). Ask her to make you a copy ($20 cost) and go home with it to study


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Quote from: elkie-t on July 24, 2017, 09:04:45 PM
If you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. Just ask your PCP to show you your medical file (without any explanations) and ask if she sees anything peculiar about it (as well as request details about any surgeries). Ask her to make you a copy ($20 cost) and go home with it to study


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Lol, heard that one before. I have called my GP for an appointment. I told that there has been suggested that I was AMAB, and that I want to know more. I'm nervous for tomorrow.

I got no answers or anything else from my GP. She said: "I don't know. Because of your breasts and menstruation, you must be XX, so there's nothing wrong. If it really bothers you, you can come back if you take your mother with you. Till that time, she has to give you answers, because I have no clue. You are not weird or crazy, just be yourself! Bye!"

I have no idea what to think of this. I can come back, but with my mother? I told her about the early puberty, lack of breast development, and she already knows I have irregular periods.