Quote from: Rebis on January 01, 2008, 05:51:47 PM
Confusion is the enemy of knowing.

I should know.

i heard recently that an important part of being in the world is mystery. by which he or she meant that we are not supposed to have all the answers. and that rather than searching for answers and meaning everywhere, we should rather relax and accept that mystery exists, that sometimes there are no answers.

-ell

i have to agree.  if i knew everything, there wouldn't be anything else to learn.  i would be bored out of my mind.

...and as for all those weird feelings and frustration...it can be summed up in three little letters...pms.  *sigh*  well, at least i know i'm not crazy.

Hi, Jaimey,

Can't say much about PMS but I can quite identify with the varying moods and emotional roller coaster.  Sometimes it takes great effort for you to hold on and stay with the ride to it's conclusion. Everyone has their own particular ways of getting through these all-consuming emotional states which are also called depression.

Anyone can experience these states of mind, but for a sensitive person they can appear to be overwhelming while the average persons who make up the bigger part of the population don't have these sensitivities. They will not suffer as severely from these depressions, and may only appear as the person experiencing a feeling of gloominess for a day or two.

If it goes beyond that then a person may have what is called a serotonin imbalance.
I have already gone through nearly two months of feeling down and it turned out that the reason being that it was mostly brought on from what is called seasonal affective disorder. I also needed to be back in circulation with the outside world.

I can also thank the Great Spirit for finding this board for me. As I have said on other threads, loneliness can kill just as efficiently as any lethal weapon. Yes, after depression the second biggest killer is loneliness. When times get tough I also do a lot of meditating.

Cindy

I'm also an empath, I believe. I've always been a loner, both by choice and circumstances, and I've thought I had a crush on a couple persons because I wanted them to get better, I later realized it wasn't the kind of love that builds a relationship, but more of a sisterly feeling.

I do believe in karma, and hold grudges against no one. I can also get sensitive pretty easily, and react to human suffering. I also react to innocence and I usually smile at children and sometimes adults (random ones).

I feel that a relationship that would work is someone who is able to shield me from my empathy at times, or be its sole target, for a time, so I can relax. Someone to relieve me of my burden, because it feels a heavy one, and loneliness certainly does not help there.

I have very little considerations for the physical, the material, I look directly at people's spirits. I don't get attracted based on looks, I don't put as much effort as average on my own looks, and I don't think it's really important. I don't think money is all that important except for my livelihood.

If all things are ephermereal, I prefer the tangible feelings to the illusion that material things provide. I also have always looked for longterm relationship and generally been a confidante for others, even if I had no friends.

Hi Schala
Welcome to Empaths and Empathy. From what you have shared with use it appears that you do have some empath sensitivities. Some of the traits of empathy might be hard to nail down to anyone particular characteristic. I believe if you go back to the beginning of this thread I have submitted a few introduction posts into the phenomena of empathy.

Nice to see you here and please feel free to share whenever you feel you have a need to.

Love and Living Light

Cindy

Yes, I read much of the early thread.

For a fun fact, my empathy is probably the one thing that makes me come up as extremely feminine on gender tests (95% or so feminity usually). I'm girly too, but not stereotypically so, no high heels, not much make-up, no sexy clothes, no interest in cheerleading, gossip and such. I dress 'boyish' I guess, pants and t-shirts, skirts in spring/summer/fall (not winter, I'd freeze). I avoid tops because I don't fill them up enough to my liking. In general my hair will be unstyled, both for lazyness and lack of knowledge to do stuff with it (but I wouldn't straighten or cut it, or layer it, or perm it - even if it was free).

I seem to always 'get' people, their issues and the emotion responsible for how they feel. I've saved a couple persons from suicide online. I've asked to date two girls by crying to them (oh yes, that was real manly, you can bet on that) long ago. One accepted, somehow, though it didn't last all that long. The other was one who always confided in me, and I mistook my empathy for her for love...for 5 years. I never made a move, even when I had a chance. Looking back it's evident that I wanted her to be like a sister, nothing sexual, nothing romantic.

Hi Schala, All you have posted is awesome and pretty well a repeat performance of my own experiences with empathy. The empathy part also got me in trouble with those who claimed they were  my friends. Through the public school years I mostly kept to myself and avoided the other kids. I preferred to be alone then, to take a chance at being bullied. I could pick up on all these senses and feelings from the people, at times even their thoughts, and that tended to spook people around me.  It was like being in a busy mall.  It was and still feels like being on board a Borg Ship and hearing the constant droning of the "hive mind." That is about the closest I can describe what it felt like.

And yes, it was a wonderful discovery once I learned what being an empath was as well as learning that I was transsexual.  It actually freed me from certain stigmas that I was carrying. Even though I still felt some fear, I experienced with empathy, at least I was now aware of what these two traits were and I had come to terms with them. It helped me to learn who I was and it also answered why I had to transition easier to understand and accept.

I am quite comfortable with who I am and I love who Cindy stands for. I love doing rescue missions because I care for people. On my journey through this life I have also met some really wonderful, kind people in the caring for others' business. There is hope for this world, I just pray that a sufficient number of folks out there wake up and smell the roses.

Actually I like being girly now and again, specially when Wing Walker  likes to play along with me. The one thing I like the best is when she pets my long hair, prrrrrrrrrr.

Cindy   

If I had lived in the victorian era I'd probably be outwardly 100x more girly...I love those dresses, and hate the ones currently 'in'...hugging my curves is fine, with my bed sheets, when I sleep, when I wear a dress I want the dress to be attractive to me, I want it to be pretty.

I'm the kind of girl who would wear a wedding-dress like dress (though shorter hem and not as fancy I guess), in a casual setting, for kicks. I'd wear a knee length dress or knee length skirts year long if I had enough of them that appealed to me. As it is I have 6 or 7 skirts, and many of them are denim or not the style I want...I can't seem to find one I like.

I want an A-line skirt, about knee-length, that will hold some shape (not hug my skin) without being like a tutu and hang 90 degrees to my body, you know, halfway between them.

Hi Schala
Ya I love dresses and skirts and especially knee length sun dresses. I can still get a gent to take notice at my age uh? I wear skirts and dresses for as long as the weather is warm.  I also love the way the hair dresser does my hair. I guess it's pleasing enough for Paula to take notice and pet it. It really didn't start to get cold here until near the end of October.

Didn't get any snow and when we did it was only on the odd occasion and then melt away a day or two later. I am not certain when spring comes here in BC yet, but I hope it's early. I haven't been to disappointed, it is like I had heard when I was in Ontario. This entire area of Vancouver is classified as a rainforest. Can you believe that there are plants that keep their green leaves all winter. It don't go down to freezing much and if it does it don't last long. OK enough of the climate report for BC, Amazing though, and I love green plants. And the high rise buildings that are all glass on the outside, I call them my crystal towers

I also have a couple of winter dresses that I really seldom where except for special occasions and holidays. "Sighhhhhh." I guess Paula and I may have to go south of the border to Seattle to do some shopping.

Cindy   

I love skirts when it's warm...it's a little frosty in KY for that now.  For about 15 minutes last night, I stood outside in a tank top and jeans...it might have been 25 degrees outside...maybe.  I was waiting in line for a concert (it's too much trouble to keep up with a jacket...at least we had the sense to buy some coffee and hang out in the coffee shop until they opened the doors).

Anyhoo...I discovered a lot about myself because of moshing.  I wasn't moshing...but I was caught between people who were.  First of all, I remembered how much I don't like being touched.  Having all of those sweaty, disgusting people pushing and slamming against me was exhausting, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I got so tired that at times I wanted to cry and collapse.  I stuck it out though...Tiger Army was worth it.  Secondly, I realized how much I want someone to protect/shield me.  In all that pushing and shoving, I wanted so badly for someone to shield me from it.  I can relate relate to Schala on that point, just needing to be shielded, to be given a break.  I guess it made me realize how lonely I am.  I was also trying to keep people off of my friend who was in front of me (who doesn't seem to realize that you have to be aggressive and push back).  It made me sad that I was trying to help someone, but no one was helping me and no one ever has helped me.  The third thing I realized is that I'm stubborn and pretty darn strong if I need to be.  I planted my feet, raised my fists, and steeled myself.  I'll be damned if anyone is going to push me around, physically or otherwise.  But it breaks my heart to think that I have to do that to keep from getting hurt.  I've always had to build a wall around myself to hold myself together and that concert really brought it too my attention.  I HATE having to be "strong".  For me, "strong" equals "alone".  I'm tired of being "strong".  For once, I want someone else to be strong so I can relax.  It was one of the most exhausting experiences of my life.  Being in a crowd sucks the life out of me.  No matter how much energy I have before I get into the crowd, once I'm in, I get completely depleted.  There were a couple of moments where I had little dizzy spells last night, but I managed to stay in control.

I went to bed at 1 AM.  I woke up at 10, but I laid in bed until 2 PM because I was just too tired to move.  The only good thing that came from this concert was that for the first time in a long time I was able to sleep, to REALLY sleep and wake up refreshed. 

All in all, it was an eye opening experience.  Self discovery in a mosh pit.  Who knew?

Hi, Dearest Jaimey, {Big Hugs} I can so identify with what you have shared here, you are not alone hun.  I have the same problems. I was raised in the country where I could be one with nature. When I moved to city type environment it can suck me dry of my energy.

I am only here to fulfill a mission but yes, I am so grateful I have Wing Walker to protect me and  give me the support I need because I wouldn't be able to do it alone. I am so ever grateful to have her in my life. I don't mind so much being around other people as long as I have a purpose to be there. As long as it doesn't get to the point of feeling claustrophobic. I told Wing Walker that you may be able to take the girl out of the country but you cannot take the country out of the girl. I will do OK for as long as I can feel useful working with people which I am hoping to be doing soon. I expect to be opening a drop-in and help center for trans folks,

Take care of yourself hon, and you are more than welcome to come here and share whenever you have a desire to do so.



Sending loving caring energy,

Cindy

I like your fairy picture and saying there.

As for energy, well I always take naps in the middle of the day and I'm usually okay after that. You think caloric energy can be used to remedy being emptied emotionally? As in, being lower on emotional energy, being drained will basically make someone burn more calories?

I wish that were true...I'd spend a lot more time in crowds...my fatass needs it. 

A nap in the middle of the day would do me wonders, but I somehow think my supervisors would look down on that.  Actually, I seem to "crash" in the middle of the day when I'm at work.  I don't really know what to do to make that stop.  Maybe I'll start sleeping better now that I got to work some of that tension out.

Today wasn't great.  It started out all right, but we decided to go look for a router for our internet...and I guess I'm just a bitch.  But there was a close out sale at Comp USA and they had a router for $32, which happens to be a great price.  My roommates have been talking about getting Nick (my roommate's older brother) to order one for us for the last month.  He is not particularly reliable and he's more talk than actual knowledge.  But that's just it!  They talk and talk and talk and never do anything about it.  The router at Comp USA wasn't a brand we were familiar with and they immediately assumed it would be crap.  Which is fine, except that we're paying for internet we can't use and Nick still hadn't agreed to order the other one.  So I got a little perturbed and I guess Cait must think I'm a total bitch because I got mad at her.  But her negativity has really been getting to me lately and I can only keep that bottled up for so long.  I don't have anyone I can vent to because Liz has been friends with her since middle school and there's no one else here for me to talk to.  Cait called Nick and apparently he is now going to order us a router.  The thing is, if I hadn't gotten mad, we still wouldn't have a router.  But I'm not a bitch and I HATE it when I get that way.  But when Cait called Nick she made a point of telling me that he 'laughed' when she told him the brand name.  Forgive me, but why the hell should I care what her brother said about that brand name?  He's been in college for 8 years and hasn't picked a major, he doesn't have a real job, and as far as I can tell, he rarely knows what he's talking about.  Cait and her whole family is so pretentious that you just want to hit them every time they open their mouths.  Cait and Liz are both ridiculous when it comes to having an ACTUAL opinion or making a decision.  The other day our phone quit working and I said that they needed to call someone on their day off and Liz actually said, "I don't know who to call."  How about the phone provider?  It's like they're still breast feeding, you know?  They wouldn't know how to dress themselves if their mommies weren't there to help them with it and they are both going to be 25 this year!  I get so fed up!  And when I get fed up, I become the bitch that nobody can figure out, nor do they care to try. 

I really need to make some new friends...

Hmmmm Well getting bitchy don't work to well for me. It lasts for all of five minutes then I go into melt down in a shower of tears. Emotions, emotions, emotions, are sometimes nice to have but they can be a pain in the butt sometimes to. Well again that is why I am grateful I have Wing Walker as my partner.

As for your friends they sound to me like a real couple of air heads. Maybe it's time they began taking responsibility, or find somewhere else to live. If you have any other friends that would share the apartment with you, I think this might be the time to seriously think about asking them if they would be interested in sharing your apartment. Is the apartment registered in your name? If it is you can ask them to leave without a notice. Would they give you any notice if the rolls were reversed?

Wing Walker says to tell them that they have 48 hours to get gone, everything, leave nothing behind.  Now if they say, "We need 30 days notice," WW says to tell them no, and that 30 days is a lot more than they would give to you.  If they refuse to move, call the police.  Unless your "roommates" have their names on the lease, you owe them nothing.

Cindy

Actually, the lease isn't in my name.  And I can't really afford to live by myself.  Most of the time, they aren't that bad, but sometimes I just can't deal.  Even if we didn't live together, they would be my only friends in Louisville.  What I really need to do is make some new friends and spend some time away from Liz and Cait.  And I guess some of it is my own fault.  I still can't open up and I let things go on too long before I say anything.

At any rate, I'll be all right.  I just need to vent sometimes.

Hi Jaimey, It's OK hon. You are quite welcome to come here to vent or just share your thoughts and feelings with us. This is way to big a world to be alone. No one should be alone. Every one should have someone they can hold or be held like in a caress in a show of love and caring.

Cindy 

Posted on: February 03, 2008, 12:35:44 AM

---

Thank you Schala

I really can't say if eating more calories would recharge ones energy. I find that the best thing to do is I just go out prepared not letting what is not mine attach itself to me. It usually works out pretty good if one is to just let these other energies flow by like fall leaves flowing down stream. Flowing around you like a rock sticking out of the water in midstream. Or picture yourself inside an egg shaped blue energy field. The blue energy is your soul closely compacted to you like a shield. There are many other ways to field if anyone is interested I can post them. The two methods I have posted here I developed on my own. Every one has a different conception of the energies that surround them and how they discover their own methods of dealing with these energies.

Cindy



   

we must be sharing the same housemates.

Thank goodness I don't have any room mates except for Wing Walker. The only problem is I wish she would take the wings off of that by-plane before bringing it in our apartment.

Hey did you know what statistics say about what would happen after a nuclear war? All that would be left alive are cockroaches and house guests. :Hee, hee, hee. Now wouldn't that flap the back hatch on your long Johns. Hey maaaaaaa! I think it's getting a mite drafty in the house.

Cindy

I wonder if people just transform into horrible monsters when they become your roommates...

It has mellowed out a bit here.  I've got some of my energy back and I don't have cramps anymore (I'm sure you wanted to know that). 

whew.  Today has been VERY mellow.  It's nice. 

Hi Jaimey
Well at least, If nothing else I certainly have some experience with changing a few diapers on girl children and watching them grow up. I felt it and I thought it to be quite a unique and wonderful experience. It certainly helped me in the sharing of the raising of 8 girl children through the years. And then there was my sister, my mom, my last girl friend, my ex wife, and some other ladies I made friends  with on the Res where I lived there with my girl friend for a time. So yep I understand some about female problems, all of them react and experience PMS differently to some degree at that time of the month. My sister suffered more then any others that I knew.

Being an empath certainly kept me tuned in, I could feel what they were feeling. I could even tell when one was with child before they even knew themselves. Any way you are quite welcome to drop by when ever you feel the urge to wrap your two hands around someones neck and proceed to choke them. Wing Walker is going to put her 2cents worth as well.

Hi, Jaimey, this is Wing Walker here.

I understand that you are having severe cramps.  My mom had them, too.  My dad, a bartender for 45 years or so made a mixture for her.

He took equal parts of Cognac and blackberry brandy, added some nutmeg, and put in a bottle to be shaken before drinking.  Apparently it worked because there was always a bottle of it in the kitchen.

I hope that this helps.

   

Posted on: February 05, 2008, 12:53:07 AM

---

Time to awaken

I believe that there is a reawakening a foot and this time
I believe we are more well armed with the uniting of our wisdom after
having learned from our previous short comings. We are all feeling
something big is coming.

what the signs we see at this time is they indicate that the world has
become way to bulky and awkward to manipulate things effectively, with
the present system that we have in place at this time. It cannot
continue to exist under this present system. Something has to break
somewhere and something will.

This can not continue to happen without something big occurring soon,
shocking, maybe even cataclysmic, no one really knows for certain at
this time. It is this something big that we are all feeling and we all
need to figure out what part we will need to play in it in order to
continue to resolve our present problems to grow and evolve past this
point. listen to your heart and watch what is happening, it will
unfold right before your eyes maybe slowly but never the less still
noticeably at first then accelerating to a climax. If you are open to
it, our very own environment will tell you through the medium of the
Earth, the water, the wind, and how other people are behaving. We will
be guided to the role we have been born to play.

Five years ago was the beginning of our coming together, the
gatherings of our sisters and brothers to bring about the awakening,
but there was much dissent and conflict among us we were split-up and
scattered back into obscurity. It saddened my heart to see so many of
the wonderful people I had come to admire and love just vanish into
the night.

It is just lately that I have seen a resurgence of our people on the
boards and I am ever so thankful to see this happening. What we need
to do is to listen carefully to what the others have to say and
evaluate it carefully before responding. May God Bless



http://www.redicecreations.com/article.php?id=2797

Cindy