Best wishes hon, I sincerely hope you're ok and support you in whatever steps you need to feel better.

I was in one of those wards in november. Take care of yourself <3

I did that when I was 26. Kinda why I'm still hanging around. Good luck and know we'll all be here when you get back.

Find a spot of light, healing and self belief.

With all my best.

Warmly,

Joanna

I feel so depressed right now. I am sorry for being such a downer constantly.
     Time to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

I haven't harmed myself for the past 1 month. But right now, I want to hurt myself bad.

Thinking of you sweetheart, contact your therapist? Stay in touch here if you can?

Hey Saira, you don't sound so good. I hope you do start to feel a little happier soon.
What have you done so far to advance your transition or atleast cut down the dysphoria?
I don't like seeing you so down.
You deserve as much as the rest of us, and you will get it you persevere!
Be strong, stay safe

Quote from: ChristineRachel on February 14, 2017, 10:13:53 AM
Hey Saira, you don't sound so good. I hope you do start to feel a little happier soon.
What have you done so far to advance your transition or atleast cut down the dysphoria?
I don't like seeing you so down.
You deserve as much as the rest of us, and you will get it you persevere!
Be strong, stay safe

I get nightmares of being sexually abused.

Quote from: Saira128 on February 14, 2017, 06:07:57 AM
I feel so depressed right now. I am sorry for being such a downer constantly.
     Time to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

Saira, we are here for you.

We've all had bad days, down days, especially early on.  That's when we need the most support. I know typing at a glowing compute screen or phone is nothing like face-to-face contact, but... We are here.

Please don't hurt yourself.  When you are rested, come back and talk to us.  Let us know what you're feeling, and what you are worried about.  We will understand.

We are here for you.


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Quote from: Saira128 on February 14, 2017, 10:17:57 AM
I get nightmares of being sexually abused.

You should really bring this up with your therapist.  Talking about such rough childhood experiences face to face with someone is a good way to finally process the horrible experiences and get them behind us.

I'm so sorry you have had to go through all of this.  We deserve better.  You deserve better, and you'll find it soon.


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The "I must have done something to deserve my abuse" is very, very common among survivors of child abuse.  It's the way the brain, especially the immature brain of a child, copes with unbearable behavior from someone who should be protecting the child.

It's not something you can talk a person out of.  There are techniques (I'd like to second the recommendation for The Body Keeps the Score), but talk therapy is not all that effective at dealing with trauma, especially childhood trauma.  Unfortunately, the psychiatric establishment doesn't yet believe in childhood trauma (heck, a lot of them don't even believe in DID) which is why it isn't in the DSM V.

(Of course, the psychiatric establishment didn't believe incest existed, either, until incest survivors groups browbeat them into grudgingly accepting it.  Same for PTSD. Etc., etc.)

Hang in there. We are pulling for you. Try to reach out as much as you can, then try to get rest. I know you are worried about your dreams. However, not sleeping is not the answer either.

Please take care of yourself. Do what you can, positively to make life better for yourself.

With warmth,

Joanna

Ask about emdr - I was maltreated by my dentist (long story), as a child. That work was, without a doubt poorly done, and I ended up in hospital needing emergency treatment for sepsis, with extreme phobias around the whole dental world.

At least I can now type the word, hear it and say it, without a huge shot of anxiety all thanks to  emdr.

Clinically it's a relatively new treatment, but there are experienced specialists around, who are worth finding.

Now I just get panic attacks whenever I feel a twinge anywhere near my mouth. Ah well. Prevention is better than cure

(Hugs)

Sno

Quote from: Saira128 on February 14, 2017, 06:07:57 AM
I feel so depressed right now. I am sorry for being such a downer constantly.
     Time to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

Hi Saira.  No one here wants you to hurt yourself.  You can tell by the responses that there are many people who support you on this forum.  My suggestion to you is that you also find some people in your area of residence.  Do a search for LGBT Center and LGBT Church or LGBT-friendly Church, all in your area.  Don't let the word "Church" turn you off.  These churches will welcome you.  They will not push "religion" down your throat.  You don't need to be religious at all.  These are not the churches of the haters.  Just go to an LGBT center or church.  Tell someone that you need support, guidance, and fellowship.  They will help you.  I speak from my own experience.  I was very alone.  Now I have many friends whom I love and who love and support me.  Take it easy, my Sister.  I am sending you lots of love, peace, and healing.
Marcella [emoji257]


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Hello Saira! I just finished reading the whole thread and was really touched by what you're going through. Not easy... I myself went through some serious bouts of depression, but I managed to survive. You mentioned that you had anatomy classes with dissections... Are you a med student? I am myself a physician and had to endure lots of dysphoria along my medical student years, growing in a relatively conservative family, in a quite religious country. Anyways, if you'd like to talk with someone who also had to endure the combined and unique challenges of gender dysphoria + med school + conservative family, feel free to PM me. I'd be very happy to help you or simply to hear you!
Big warm hug,
Sarah

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Quote from: Saira128 on January 04, 2017, 03:50:32 PM
      I wake up every morning and just wait for the day to end. I don't feel ambitious about anything, I don't feel anything, I keep on having negative thoughts constantly.
      I know, transitioning would make me feel better, but I don't even have the strength to come out to my parents.
     I just want everything to end. I feel tired, disappointed in myself.
     I don't know, maybe, I am not strong enough.

       I started cutting myself. I have scars all over my arms. I keep on hiding them. Nothing makes me happy anymore.
    I try to hurt myself so that I can feel something.

  I don't know what to do anymore.

this is not the answer and it wont solve anything.  This will only set you back and get in the way of your goals and objectives.

Learning to compartmentalize your situation will help drastically.

Set small goals and objectives. complete them. 

Learn to deal and cope with your problems. Get with a good therapist and learn coping mechanisms, learn to recognize your triggers and deal with them.

Build relationships, develop a strong support system.

Also staying busy, always having a to do list helps. It keeps your mind occupied and focused.

Build confidence. Set new goals constantly, take on new challenges.  This builds confidence, self-esteem and gets your positive endorphins moving in the brain.  This is a key to happiness.

When you have nothing to do and the weight of the world is upon you and you are is the hard part and it can be dangerous to your self-esteem and confidence and leads to dark times.

Take everything one day at a time. Take time to figure out what you want and go get it and let nothing stand in the way.

I haven't cut myself for nearly a month. I feel free.

That is super! Keep up the great work. Life gets hard sometimes but you can do it.

Warmly,

Joanna

Quote from: Saira128 on February 21, 2017, 02:51:11 AM
I haven't cut myself for nearly a month. I feel free.

Yay!  Glad to hear it!     Hang in there.