Hanging out with a friend we got into a debate about transgender people.  I am not out and so he didn't know better, but he took the stance that trans people are all severely mentally ill and that science backs that position.  I'm just a little frustrated and thought I would vent.

My closest friend that I'm not out to said that he really feels bad for trans* people, but he won't call you a man/woman unless you get "the surgery".  I still love him, but maybe I won't bother coming out to him.

It really does suck the way your closest loved ones can hurt you so badly without ever knowing it.


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I am pretty bold now because I just don't care any more but I would ask to see the research. They either wouldn't be able to show it to you or it would be from a discredited group with and ax to grind.

This borders dangerously close towards the topic i made just one night ago. See, i HAD a friend who for most of her life identified as a tom-boy and (for all but two years) hated being feminine and basically anything like a girl. Last year she changed her name and gender marker on fb to a male like name and a male gender marker. I aske dher about it and she went on to say how she ''always felt like a man'' and was talking about how she wished to transition.. and, 11 months later (yestaarday) she does a 180 and is all super transphobic terf/non-binary/lesbian. And goes on to hate on people who transition , eithe medically or surgerically as metally ill.. as i said 11 months after she was planing to become FtM

What I used to think was funny was when a guy would exclaim he could spot a trans a mile away,i used to bust out laughing and they never could figure out what I thought was funny

When I came out a lot of people suddenly knew a trans person who never had before. It threw a lot of folks for a loop to see a very down to earth, "normal" (what a dumb word) person pronouncing they were trans. I think when people know and like a trans person, it blows a few myths for them. What better outcome turning a misinformed person into a possible ally.
Monica

Quote from: Dena on February 20, 2017, 07:31:55 PM
I am pretty bold now because I just don't care any more but I would ask to see the research. They either wouldn't be able to show it to you or it would be from a discredited group with and ax to grind.

Apparently he did a bunch of research for a paper and while I did not ask to see it (it wasn't that kind of conversation) he seemed very confidant in his position.  Mainly he relied on the DSM, which I know has been trending towards not considering it a mental illness per se.

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on February 20, 2017, 07:39:05 PM
This borders dangerously close towards the topic i made just one night ago. See, i HAD a friend who for most of her life identified as a tom-boy and (for all but two years) hated being feminine and basically anything like a girl. Last year she changed her name and gender marker on fb to a male like name and a male gender marker. I aske dher about it and she went on to say how she ''always felt like a man'' and was talking about how she wished to transition.. and, 11 months later (yestaarday) she does a 180 and is all super transphobic terf/non-binary/lesbian. And goes on to hate on people who transition , eithe medically or surgerically as metally ill.. as i said 11 months after she was planing to become FtM

That must be particularly hard for you.  Someone you really should have been able to count on to be supportive and understanding.  I hope you and they are both okay (given the abrupt change).

I have friends who had similar negative stances on trans people before I came out.. And I think having someone so close be one change how they see things a lot! Cause they know me and know how I am as a person, and I think when I tried to explain to them how I had felt all these years they kinda realized that this is not just 'dudes dressing up' but incredibly serious for us who go through it.

None of them were or are anti gay or anything.. But I think to a lot of people transgenders are just an unknown and a bit of a punchline still. I still see ->-bleeped-<- jokes in the newspaper funnies now and then in an otherwise very accepting and liberal country, so there is still some of that 'blokes in dresses' mentality remaining in some.. And honestly, I dont personally mind the jokes I think they are ok. People can joke at the expense of trans people like they can joke at the expense of anyone else, its just when the jokes color someones genuine perception of trans issues that it worries me.

He did a bunch of research? Is he a scientist?

If science actually backed that position I'd imagine the usual methods of medical treatment the world over for it would not be transition and hormones, but drugs and psychotherapy.

Quote from: kasspurple on February 20, 2017, 10:25:04 PM
Apparently he did a bunch of research for a paper and while I did not ask to see it (it wasn't that kind of conversation) he seemed very confidant in his position.  Mainly he relied on the DSM, which I know has been trending towards not considering it a mental illness per se.

Unfortunately there is some very bigoted stuff still being published academically that looks very scientific but isn't. Your friend is probably looking at psychology papers but being trans isn't psychological, it's neurological, all the good research is on the neurology side, and psychologists have been slow catching up.

My best friend has made some trans jokes before, I'm also still closeted... I know he doesn't REALLY mean it, he's just trying to be funny and doesn't realize. I happen to have an internet friend who's trans so I just said we shouldn't joke, I know someone who is. Surprisingly he knows some FTM people, but I'd be the only MTF he knows.

Coincidentally I'm not out to her either, don't want to seem like I'm running at the first trans person I see yelling "me too!"