Okay so I started therapy to get the letter so I can start hrt about two months ago now. I just recently found a place that takes my insurance to get the hormones from, and so now we've begun more so working on the requirements to get my letter. So one of the things she said past patients required was to be living as my preferred gender pre hrt.
But the thing is, I don't think I can.
I've started growing out my hair, it's longer then I've ever had it, but everything else. I've had pretty much no self confidence and pretty much total self hatred for a good portion of my life, add on top of that the fact that I find myself ugly no matter what I do, and it just makes me have no energy to do all of that.
I have on several occasions worn clothes I would like to wear after transitioning, but only when alone.
I want to start on hormones so badly so maybe I might finally feel like myself. Like how I feel when I'm online. I have for years, even before I realized I was trans(which makes the fact that it took so long to realize proof i'm an idiot lol)presented as female while online. And I'm open, I'm actually happy, I'm not scared to fight back at anyone who says crap to me, and I just enjoy my time online more then any second in the real world.
I dunno, this post is kinda a trainwreck of jumbled nonsense, but I needed to post it.

Refer her to the current WPATH Standards of Care, as there should be no requirement for RLE before hormones.

It's cruel and unusual punishment for many. It wasn't for me, but at that point I no longer gave a flying fig.

Your therapist sounds out of date. You my want to ask if they are familiar with the WPATH Standards of Care for the Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender Nonconforming People. I was updated recently and make recommendations on the care and treatment of people like us. It covers virtually every aspect of concern in treating trans patients.
   You can read it for yourself as there is links to it on this site under the wiki heading above. or just copy the following and paste it into your browser.
   
https://www.susans.org/wiki/index.php?title=Standards_of_Care_for_the_Health_of_Transsexual,_Transgender,_and_Gender_Nonconforming_People&redirect=no#Criteria_for_Hormone_Therapy

  I hope this information is helpfull to you.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

The WPATH guide is here. If you are unable to to argue your way around this requirement, it's possible to pass without HRT but more difficult. In addition, it can take 1-2 years for HRT to do it's thing so you might want to see what you can do now so you you will be able to get started as soon as possible.

Thank you so much for the help and the links. <3

I know it won't take effect fast, but what I do know will happen is just the knowledge that I'm on the hormones I know will make me feel a lot better.

My parents while supportive are scared about what Trump could do, and I'm worried they won't let me transition as soon as I'd like to. But I'm even more terrified of what Trump could do, and it makes me want to transition as soon as humanly possible for me.

I've pretty much been misrable my whole life, and what scares me most about what's happening is the thought that I finally know what I need to actually be happy, but what the worst happens and I never get to have that for even a second. Whenever these thoughts come on I'm basically useless for hours, I just don't want to do anything but sit there by my self angry and upset at the same time.

Fwiw, my psychologist "requested" that I present in public and attend group therapy before he would sign-off on a referral for HRT.  At the time it was quite a hard thing to consider because I, like you, had no confidence.  It felt like a cruel test designed to scare me.  However, I believe they have all been important experiences on my path.  In speaking to other post transition girls, they also agreed that "RLE" before any medical transition is vital.  The overwhelming message has been that HRT isn't magic (for everyone), and that if you are truly intent on living as your true gender, you can't think of HRT as a magic potion.  If you don't get the results you are hoping for, you'll need to tackle the public fairly close to your current presentation anyway. 

Btw, I'm still Pre-HRT and waiting for my appointment, but I'm able to enjoy life (part time, when I present) rather than wait being miserable letting life pass me by.

I don't know where you live but here in Washington state there are no requirements for that. Surgery Yes. You require one year. HRT ...No.

I understand your discomfort in starting to present female in public, and at least for me HRT was a huge game changer in motivating me to better myself by doing better makeup and hair, and work on my voice.. Before HRT I had lived full time for a while -and on/off for years before that- and never really felt like I could make it work presenting as my true self to the world, even as I was doing it.. But if this is what they demand of you I can only recommend you gather up all the strength and courage you can muster and force yourself through it as best you can. HRT is absolutely worth the discomfort, at least it was to me..

I lived almost 2 years full time before Norways only GIC -and the only place to legally get HRT in Norway- would let me start any medical treatment. I am very envious that most other places do not seem to be so slow in starting people on HRT, with many here not being out at all yet and still on it for months! But I suppose the GIC in Norway does things very differently; it is not a place to find support during your transition, it is an entity that you must please by meeting certain standard critera in order to get treatment. Support I have to find among my peers, in friends and family, and in a therapist of my own choosing.

I present male and I told my psych I'm have no intention of ever transitioning. I've been on HRT for 8 years and never had any problems.

It all depends on who where you live, who you're seeing, if you're a minor or not, money, etc. There's often alternatives if you're therapist is giving you difficulty, you just need to find them.

It seems to me that requirements like that are designed to set someone up for failure rather than success; transition is a difficult process that takes some of us years to complete, and the sink or swim attitude your therapist has is not helpful. In my opinion a good therapist is a guide that helps us to navigate the process and explore our feelings, but we call the shots as long as we are following the standards of care. I started transition under the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, and even with that protocol the only requirement for starting HRT was to see a therapist for three months, and I didn't dress in female attire at all during that time period, but she did require that I take a psychological inventory test that was required at that time. We know our comfort level, and if we are forced to go above and beyond that, it can do more harm than good; some of us need to take baby steps, and have time to acclimate before we advance, and some of us take giant steps and are fully transitioned in a couple of years, we are all different and unique individuals, and a good therapist will be able to determine our tue gender regardless of what we are wearing.

I'm agreeing with WPATH standards. There should be no requirement for RLE. Before HRT i was androgynous in my dress, but still it was a big change and increase in confidence to be experiencing the results of HRT and then to start to live as a woman.

 I did have one endo not prescribe me hormones due to not having enough RLE. When i told my therpapist she got unhindged and sent an unpleasant email to the doctor. Im seeing a different doctor tommorow, so hopefully it goes better. Gatekeeping still exists but its mainly doctors trying to avoid liability if you regret transition. If a doctor has something concrete to prove your trans (like RLE) they get more comfortable.
  So RLE is not required but it can be easier to get hormones if you have lived as your prefered gender.

So quick update, I just decided to try wearing clothes I actually like on Sunday, not just anything for 10 minutes like when I first tried stuff on. I stayed in them for like 6 hours, I was home alone, but still, longest time. And I really loved how the clothes looked on me. :3

Also put it all on today but I started getting wracked with anxiety half an hour in and had to change back. I don't know why, I loved it again at first. Maybe I'll try again in an  hour or so.

It is a start, another step in the process. Take it easy, it isn't a race though many would love to achieve the finish line as soon as possible. As for me, I'm a scaredy cat and will also take those little steps as I feel I can.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: Reyes on February 28, 2017, 05:55:27 PM
So quick update, I just decided to try wearing clothes I actually like on Sunday, not just anything for 10 minutes like when I first tried stuff on. I stayed in them for like 6 hours, I was home alone, but still, longest time. And I really loved how the clothes looked on me. :3

Also put it all on today but I started getting wracked with anxiety half an hour in and had to change back. I don't know why, I loved it again at first. Maybe I'll try again in an  hour or so.

I assumed in my response above you were talking about public experience pre-HRT.  From your update, it seems you are even uncomfortable presenting in the safety of your home.  I'm no therapist, and this may sound like harsh reality, but that certainly seems like something you should work through way before starting HRT.  That's just my opinion.  Perhaps I'm wrong because I can't relate, as my experience is the opposite.....my anxiety and depression has come from having to remove the clothing and hide the inside, rather than expressing it.

Presenting in public before HRT would never help me though. I hate the way I look, I've never been able to view myself as something other then ugly, and even when I put on the clothes I would prefer to wear I still can't stand seeing my face and hair.

I'm growing out my hair, but that's going to be a long process, and as for my face. I know HRT isn't magic and it might not change my face much, but just the knowledge that I'm on the hrt will make everything a lot more comfortable for me, and hopefully help boost my self esteem/confidence, even if just a little.

Also I just changed back into my preferred cloths, they are kinda harder to move in, but I just feel so much more comfortable in them then the crap shorts and t-shirt I've always worn.

What about your therapy sessions?  Have you tried going to your sessions presenting as female.  That's how I got started.  While she never said that was a requirement or anything, having now read my therapist's HRT letter for me, she does mention the fact that I started off presenting male but now regularly present female in our sessions.  So maybe that would help?

My therapist won't give the letter for hrt until I'm 3 months RLE. To me that's backwards. I've known of people that did a year hrt before going RLE. I like my new therapist, but I don't agree with that policy.


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Quote from: Gertrude on March 11, 2017, 10:17:22 PM
My therapist won't give the letter for hrt until I'm 3 months RLE. To me that's backwards. I've known of people that did a year hrt before going RLE. I like my new therapist, but I don't agree with that policy.

Can you find a different therapist, or just find a doctor that doesn't require a letter?

You might as the therapist why they are not following the WPATH standard. When I transitioned, I was permitted to start HRT long before I started presenting female and that was close to 40 years ago.