First things first - I just wanted to say how unbelievably kind and welcoming and helpful everyone on this forum has been since I first wandered on a few days ago. (Wow, it really feels like longer than that, dang.) Although my participation on the forum is relatively new, the thought that I might be male rather than female is certainly not.

I'm only now really starting to accept that I feel like a dude, and that my self-confidence issues are directly tied to the fact that I'm consistently surprised to see the person ifind when I look in the mirror. I've been doing a pretty good job of bolstering my spirits by working out and by focusing on the ways I look masculine rather than the ways I look feminine but today I'm really down in the dumps today about what I look like externally. It's not a new feeling whatsoever, but it is the first time I've experienced it within the context of knowing that the root of it is that I'm not a woman in any ways except the superficial ones and it's almost worse now that I know that. I'm not really sure what to do to combat it.

TL;DR if anyone has advice for how to feel better when dysphoria hits hard, I'd really appreciate it.

- Oliver 

PS: Thanks to everyone who weighed in on the pants issue I was having the other day - I went out and a bought a pair this weekend! I didn't quite manage the courage to try them on in the store so I'll need to exchange them for a size that better suits a wider hip but I'll take the minor success.

Well as a MtF who is the total opposite of who you are and what you want but I will try and take a stab at this. Basically like myself I bet when you wake up  that is when it hits the most. The first thing i gotta do is look at an ugly mug with facial hair and feel yucky. But after a shave and even more so after make up to put on i feel like the Godess I am! its the small things you got to look at. For you, a FtM i am not exactly sure how to meximize your masculinity as I havent seen ya. Besides mens clothing and short hair have you maybe perhaps though of chaning social circles and having a male-majority friendships? I am unsure how high your tesosterone naturally is but I have met AFAB who have just enough to grow a peach fuzz moustache. That could help. I guess my best advice would also to get on a list for HRT asap. Sorry i cant be much more helpful

Yup, those days are awful. There are some days when the dysphoria hits like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden all you can see is loads of feminine stuff that you'd thought you'd been able to ignore.

When those days hit (yes, I still get them even though I pass 100%, but they're rare now) I give myself a bit of self-care. Maybe I binge-watch a TV show; or listen to some old albums I haven't heard in years; or I do a jigsaw puzzle; or I just go online & look up pictures of puppies & kittens. Whatever it is that puts you in your happy place, that's what you should do on days like this.

And remember, as Scarlett O'Hara said: 'After all, tomorrow is another day'.

it's pretty tough. Especially just afterv you've fully identified the problem.  The last straw for me was finding out that there are physiological reasons why people feel this way; and they can transition!  The next 3 months or so were pretty much impossible...it was all I could think about.
But I have at this pount formed ways to soothe myself.  I keep my nails painted and have long hair.  I also always wear women's pants.  and now when dysphoria hits, even in front of people, I'll take a look at my pretty nail-eys, and shift my hair around.  I would advise you do anything that feels masuline and will always be present.  maybe cut your hair short and/or build up some muscle.  then you just feel how masculine you are until you can get your mind on simething pleasant or productive.  It does get easier with time, as you learn your dysphoria.


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In those moments I remember that life is experienced in the mind, and that's where what I think and say goes. If I had complete control over that I wouldn't have a care in the world. So I try to maintain that as the sanctuary. I might not be happy with the outside but the inside is just fine, I like who I am in there, and I can do whatever I want there.

When I'm not feeling great I just retreat into that space.

Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to weigh in on this! I sort of mosh-mashed allyour tips and suggestions together and cherry-picked some things that sounded good and it all managed to turn a down-in-the-dumps day into a really pretty good one.

SailorMars1994: Unfortunately I am on the very feminine side of AFAB but talking to some of my friends - who are mostly women, actually, but have been amazing and supportive and understanding, definitely helped, so thank you!!

FTMDiaries: Listening to old music I haven't thought about in awhile was a huge balm, so thank you for the suggestion! I don't pass at all at present, haha, but listening to some of the jams that got me through all of the terribleness of high school was a big help. Thanks!

Amanda_Combs: I do keep my hair short already but I took a second to appreciate that it's a pretty masculine style already and that helped immensely! I also kind of combined your suggestion about putting on muscle with Kylo's suggestion about the comfort of a mental space and it was nice to retreat to a place where I felt fully myself and then sink back into my body in a way that felt like a better fit, so thank you!

Kylo: Thank you for the reminder about the sanctity and comfort of mental spaces. Spending a little time looking within and appreciating myself as I really am was incredibly helpful.

Thanks again y'all! I really, really appreciate it!

- Oliver

Hi Oliver,

For my bad days, I've found that it -
dislikes busyness, exercise and going outside I also set myself a few small tasks to be able to say at the end of the day that I have achieved - even if it's hoovering to some well lived music, they are small wins..

I'm glad that you were able to turn your day around.

Take care

Rowan.