I have pretty much thought about this 24/7 for 60 years. It took me way to long to transition, but I made it. Just curious if others get a break whether for an hour or day or years on the beating of the brain cells on being trans.

Stephanie,
In younger years, I was very distracted. A lot of emotionally shutting down for long periods of time. I would get involved in projects, so I wouldn't think about it . Now, it is 24/7 "transgenderland."
Moni

I find idle time is the worst for me personally. So I bury myself with projects, groups and work to keep my mind off of it. I wasn't aware of that until just very recently.

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I was somewhat distracted by school , but it started eating away at me slowly , but progressively .

Yeah sometimes I forget and its nice. I'd imagine these dysphoria/trans free moments will be 24/7 once I'm post op.

Unless I'm distracted, trans related thoughts are never far from my mind. It's an obsession; a lifetime one fueled by dysphoria.

If something is constantly eating away at you and causing you distress, it's difficult not to think about it.

for me this thing started when I was 4 and the memory of being that way at 4 is just impossible to ignore

I certainly think about it a lot, though not 24/7.  There are a few other things I think about occasionally. 

Quote from: Violets on April 30, 2016, 01:47:17 AM
Unless I'm distracted, trans related thoughts are never far from my mind. It's an obsession; a lifetime one fueled by dysphoria.

If something is constantly eating away at you and causing you distress, it's difficult not to think about it.

^right there

   It never crossed my mind until deciding to start HRT. Then it was just right. Really it came more as a realization than a conscious thought.  Mind you now it is a constant concern.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette
   

It occupies the overwhelming majority of my daily thoughts.  I could go on all day talking/thinking about trans stuff.  But I don't because I think some of my friends are at their trans limit.  Though, I feel less conflicted now that I identify as trans.  It's just that those conflicted thoughts have been replaced with self-doubt and a general sense of being overwhelmed.

QuoteThough, I feel less conflicted now that I identify as trans.

As I mentioned in other notes, while being trans for many years, I had only mentioned it to one person and that was about 25 years ago.  Since posting here over the past couple of days and talking to my doctor about it this morning, I feel much better.

My doctor now knows I'm trans and want to make some changes and I'm glad she knows, as she's now in a position to help me.

I blocked it out for a long time. I'm still good at not thinking about it, but transitioning has made me think about it more often than I have in years. Which is exhausting.

It has been at the forefront of my mind constantly for 46 years.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

No I don't ever not think about it. sometimes I can think about other things also... those are the best times.


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Too much "Quality Time" alone, without my best friends known as Distraction, Diversions, and Denial, will certainly not keep me from thinking about being trans. If it weren't for the "3Ds", I'd probably have offed myself in my early 20's after my 2nd failed transition experiment.

With my insanely crazy insane life I hardly ever have time to consider the "Who" I am or "Where" I am great questions of life. Waking up on the sunny side of the grass is all I ask

Interesting question. Lately, like in the last 3-4 months i am having times where i just feel like any other woman.

Part of the reason why i believe is that i have friends that totally treat me no different than anyone in the group. My friend and i were talking about guys yesterday and it took me a few moments to realize why i deeply understood what she was saying; because i had been culturalized as one.

Another time just the other day i had decided to leave my normal Sunday self-care routine to Monday (bath, shaving, trimming down there, putting a new shade of polish etc) and it took a long time. I did not get to work until about 9:50 and my team thought i may call in sick. I remember thinking how is it my wife can go so much faster than me with most of this stuff? Then i thought - oh yeah i haven't been doing it that long.

Unless I'm distracted by something else (sometimes even then) the thoughts are always there.  Even in the deepest periods of denial in my life, I still always thought about it.  At times it's a form of background noise in my head, just subtle feelings that shape my more conscious thoughts. Many times however it's actual conscious thoughts about how much I wish I had a female body, how much I hate feeling the need to be something else, feelings of wishing I could just rip my skin off, fantasies of having a magical power that gave me the ability to turn into a woman, etc.  I can become very distracting at times.

As I've more recently stripped away the denial and conditioning, it has gotten much worse.  Now that I'm more connected with my feelings and allow myself to acknowledge them, I think about it deliberately even more often. I also have more triggers.  Just seeing a woman in a cute outfit that I'd like to wear, seeing an advertisement for makeup or shoes or Fabletics or whatever.  Sometimes just being in a room dominated by men (like at work) can even set my thoughts in motion.

Being trans is usually the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thought before bed. Other than that my heads full of getting through the day and adverts . I do get spells where gender is a non-issue though.

I thought coming out would make things better, but actually it's made it worse. But not always in a bad way. It's just my routines are changing, so it's hard to ignore when you've nearly poked your eye out with a mascara brush getting ready to face the public.

I thought about transitioning daily for about 50 years. Now I did it and I am happy with myself.