Hi all,

So I am 43 mtf, married and have a 10yo child. I have battled gender and body dysphoria my entire life that I can recall, and used cross dressing in private (since I was a small child) to take the edge off. 

About 1.5 years ago I went on a low dose of hormones mostly to ease my mind, but under doctor supervision and with a therapist recommending it (and me wanting it) I worked my way up to a full dose. 

I mostly dress female loungy (athleisure;) around the house. My wife knows everything but still slightly struggles with it. She mostly ignores it though and treats me like a man, but I think we'll be okay long term. My son is awesome. We have a great relationship, so no issues so far.

Here's the issue...

I am a part owner of a company and have rather conservative partners. I have not, and never intended to present female in public or work. Make no mistake, I desperately want to, just don't think I can.  So let's just say I didn't consider this to be transition, until very recently.

I have all these wonderful things going on with my body.  The breast development, fat distribution, skin softening, hair reduction etc are all going way better than I had dreamed. Oh yah, I'm also nearly complete clearing facial hair via laser, so big change there.  So the "at home" me is so female and could never turn back.  But now in public and at work I'm starting to feel like a female crossdresser in male clothes. I'm getting "mammed" in public, and getting confused looks and I'm beginning to wonder if it would be less effort to present female full time than carry on with this charade. Oh but the career, money, bills, family responsibilities, ugh.

Anyone out there go through this and land on the other side with both feet on the ground?


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There is business and there is pleasure. With pleasure, you like the people you are with. In business you don't have to like the people you work with, you only have to be able to do the job. If your partners are unwilling to work with you, they can buy you out or you can buy them out. I suspect nobody has sufficient money or credit to do this so everybody will have to come to agreeable terms.

Being conservative doesn't mean that they have an anti trans bias. When I have encountered antis trans bias it's because of misreading of religion or personal insecurity. For the most part, people are accepting and will make an effort to get along so wait until your partners make their true feeling known before judging them.

Dena, you're right!

I think having lived in the closet for so many years has caused me to develop a somewhat unrealistic fear of societies reaction to my transition.  I guess I also developed a lot of insecurities.  I am 100% certain that I must completely transition, I just never felt I could do it without changing jobs/careers.  I always had the sense from the off color jokes from my partners and coworkers that there is a bit gay/trans phobia, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.  So far, everyone I've told outside of work has pleasantly surprised me, so maybe my partners will to.  And you're right, they may not have a choice and I may not either. 

I really appreciate your feedback!


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If you're getting ma'am-ed all the time, I'd say go for it. You only live once. Why not live your life as a woman?

I suggest you talk to your partners about your diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria.  Tell them very superficially about your history with struggling (I would avoid the cross dressing part.)

Chances are they will "feel sorry for you" instead of judging you.  I've had 100% success with no rejection or bad experiences.  I personally came out to about 100 people and I'm now full time everywhere.  People actually treat me nicer. 

Dee is sooo much nicer than Dan ever was.

One more thing,. I tried to not say transgender except for "gender dysphoria is the clinical diagnosis for people who are transgender". "Transition" yes, "transgender" no.

Thanks Denise! I agree. When I came out to my parents I think I fumbled around with the right words and painted myself as a crossdresser. Ugh. It's so, so much more than that and I think at absolute least, using clinical terms gives them something relevant to throw into the search engines.


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