... is there any point?

I'm into dudes, and I went out with an awesome and attractive guy tonight, had a fun time and great conversation. And I have the feeling that I'm not male-bodied enough right now for him. I'm pre-T and unfortunately have no hope of 'passing', even though I identify as male.

I wasn't expecting to date again till I was further down the road of transitioning, to be honest. If I'm having a hard time being so female-bodied, how can I expect anyone else to accept me, even with my move to androgyny from being very feminine?

It's been a long time since I've been on a date, and I think it's going to be a long time till I go out again. I've had this feeling the last few months that I'll be lucky to find anyone who will ever accept me. Which sucks.

I'm pretty much in the same boat, even having started T. I had a few months with a bi guy but then he decided to do that typical 'ignore me and not say why' crap that guys like to do.

Sorry to hear that!

I've been upfront about my identity, pre-T, etc and I look androgynous, but I don't think it's enough. I know physically it's not where I want to be but it's the best I can do for now. It's certainly a far cry from where I was a year ago. I guess time will tell.

I started dating my boyfriend before T. It's totally possible. We knew each other as friends for about a year first. The first few dates we had were mostly us talking out stuff. I remember his biggest concern was that he wasn't sure what all I meant by transitioning. He's gay and attracted to really masculine guys so I really had to explain it to him in clear ways.
"I know my body looks like this now, and you are not really about that. I'm not really about it either, but it's going to change. I'm planning on doing x,y, and z."
Communicating honestly about how I felt really was the best approach. I'm also relatively stealth and that appealed to him. Some people that know I'm a transguy have been jerks to him as far as saying stuff like "you're not really gay now." which is dumb, but it's something that happens.
My advice is if you meet someone that you like, don't think it's a lost cause to try

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My experience has been the same as green27's. I found that when I'm up front with folks about the current state of things and how that is/has changed, they're much more receptive.

I have a pretty large gay social circle. A small percentage of that circle expressed interest in me pre-op because they were curious about female parts and a transguy is the least straight way to explore that. But I had no interest in using said female parts, so those went nowhere. But that is all to say, there are those guys out there.

I have had interest from another gay male friend in reconnecting socially and seeing if there's any spark post-op. I have had much, much more genuine interest from women all around. Women IME are much more flexible and don't care so much about the goods.

Cheers guys, that's very encouraging. Part of my problem is that I'm in a new city, and the limited support I got from the FTM community in my old city is no longer. I'm not part of the gay or trans scene here, so should probably go meet people in real life and get away from the online stuff.

Anybody have any luck with the online dating pre-T? Or is it better meeting people in person?

I'm only out to immediate family and a couple close friends, none of whom are in my new town. I want to start T and getting my body closer to my ideal for myself this year. First step has been losing weight in the last year, which is going well. I'm getting back into working out like I was last summer and fall, before a terrible run of bronchitis and spraining my wrist. At least I felt with exercise I was getting somewhere and feeling some positive changes.

I might be starting T sooner rather than later, given some problems with the current female parts. The idea of birth control pills or an IUD is really upsetting to settle things down. So low dose T may be happening in early summer tbc, and I'll be officially out here summer or early fall. It's just been hard being in limbo so long, but coming out I can't go stealth, since I'm well known in my profession, etc... so I need to be really mentally ready for all that.

Quote from: Hughie on March 06, 2017, 10:47:13 PM
Anybody have any luck with the online dating pre-T? Or is it better meeting people in person?

I had luck on OkCupid and Tumblr. OkCupid is generally pretty good for trans and queer folks, and lets you pick as many options as you'd like. Tumblr is mostly a blogging platform, but there are many submission style sites on there where you can submit your photo and a blurb about you. I run one called LGBTQ+ Geeks.

The key to online dating is that you can't be passive about it. Put some energy into your profile, make sure you have good pics, and participate in the questions algorithm if you decide to use a site like OkCupid where answering questions increases or decreases your compatibility score.

If you decide to go the Tumblr route, I find that people who have a decent presence on Tumblr/are longtime users seem to have more success. If they like your post, they'll click into your profile. If the profile is bare, there's really nothing to go off of to determine if it's worth their time getting to know you better. But if your page is active with lots of stuff on it, they can see the kinds of things you like and it's easier to make that determination.

You might also want to try MeetUp. It starts online but the goal is meeting offline. You can search by interests, hobbies, geography, types of people, etc.

Quote from: FTMax on March 07, 2017, 11:09:50 AM
I had luck on OkCupid and Tumblr. OkCupid is generally pretty good for trans and queer folks, and lets you pick as many options as you'd like. Tumblr is mostly a blogging platform, but there are many submission style sites on there where you can submit your photo and a blurb about you. I run one called LGBTQ+ Geeks.

The key to online dating is that you can't be passive about it. Put some energy into your profile, make sure you have good pics, and participate in the questions algorithm if you decide to use a site like OkCupid where answering questions increases or decreases your compatibility score.

If you decide to go the Tumblr route, I find that people who have a decent presence on Tumblr/are longtime users seem to have more success. If they like your post, they'll click into your profile. If the profile is bare, there's really nothing to go off of to determine if it's worth their time getting to know you better. But if your page is active with lots of stuff on it, they can see the kinds of things you like and it's easier to make that determination.

You might also want to try MeetUp. It starts online but the goal is meeting offline. You can search by interests, hobbies, geography, types of people, etc.

Cheers Max, these are some great suggestions. I know a bit about OKC but I don't know much about Tumblr. I don't have any kind of profile or activity there, but will check it out! I've done meet up in the past for hobbies but not sure how that works for dating, especially as a non-passing trans guy right now?

Quote from: Hughie on March 07, 2017, 08:49:55 PM

Quote from: FTMax on March 07, 2017, 11:09:50 AM
I had luck on OkCupid and Tumblr. OkCupid is generally pretty good for trans and queer folks, and lets you pick as many options as you'd like. Tumblr is mostly a blogging platform, but there are many submission style sites on there where you can submit your photo and a blurb about you. I run one called LGBTQ+ Geeks.

The key to online dating is that you can't be passive about it. Put some energy into your profile, make sure you have good pics, and participate in the questions algorithm if you decide to use a site like OkCupid where answering questions increases or decreases your compatibility score.

If you decide to go the Tumblr route, I find that people who have a decent presence on Tumblr/are longtime users seem to have more success. If they like your post, they'll click into your profile. If the profile is bare, there's really nothing to go off of to determine if it's worth their time getting to know you better. But if your page is active with lots of stuff on it, they can see the kinds of things you like and it's easier to make that determination.

You might also want to try MeetUp. It starts online but the goal is meeting offline. You can search by interests, hobbies, geography, types of people, etc.

Cheers Max, these are some great suggestions. I know a bit about OKC but I don't know much about Tumblr. I don't have any kind of profile or activity there, but will check it out! I've done meet up in the past for hobbies but not sure how that works for dating, especially as a non-passing trans guy right now?

I'd see it more as an opportunity to meet more people type thing. At least with MeetUp, you know you have something in common with the people you're meeting. Since you recently(?) moved, it would help you get to know more people in your area, which could potentially lead to dates or being integrated into other social circles.

If the dating aspect is important to you, I would definitely seek out groups that specify that they are for singles.