deleted...

Hi NotSure81 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Please be sure to review:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

Thanks for the welcome V M. I have reviewed the policies outlined in your post.

Sorry about the abrupt delete I came out to my girlfriend about wanting to transition to female and she didn't take it well. In a fit of emotion (I'm not usually prone to those, at least like this) I deleted my intro. Things seemed a bit better this afternoon which almost gives me a little ray of hope.

I'll see if I can recover the text and re-add it back to this thread

 Take it from me and many others here... Purges happen. 

Welcome back and sorry about the girlfriend not taking it well.

Hugs,
   Jeanette

I have purged many times in an attempt to deny who I am discovering I really am. I think we all do it at some point. Transitioning is hard, and not knowing how friends and family will react can make it doubly hard. The subject came up between my wife and I and she has stated that she will leave if that is the case.

So chin up and know that even if you lose some people, I have found that the people on this site are always welcoming!

Kirsa

I agree about the purges... Yesterday I was all excited and happy, but today is a little more "meh". I keep going back and forth about the whole mtf thing, but the "yes do it" thoughts and feelings completely overshadow and beat the "umm no, dont" feelings.

Ive recently (Saturday) came out as bisexual to my gf, which she didn't really care and to an online friend. This is a definite. I know I'm bi and I accepted that myself a number of years ago. Nobody else knows though. My other RL friends don't know, but I'm sure they suspected I was gay since i was asked a number of times (even by family) and my response was "of course not". Which in hindsight if I would have been asked out by a guy crush or something, i would have had a huge battle in my mind going on. But, I also like girls...

I'm bisexual, and theres no denying it in my mind, i just haven't told anybody. I have no problems being bi. I do wish now I would have been more open with myself back then though.

Edit: I keep coming to the conclusion that androgyne/gender fluid is a better fit for how I feel much of the time. I don't want to completely wipe out being male, but I also don't know if I want to go full female. Heck, if I could be *both* I think that would be probably the best thing. Is there any HRT or something to push me closer to the "middle", or maybe even a little more to the feminine side?

I am not sure what HRT will do to you as normally it doesn't alter the  gender identity. There is an exception and that's bigender/gender fluid. In those cases it may stabilize the shifts between the two states. The only way to  know for sure will be on a sufficiently high dosage of blocker to suppress your testosterone production.

Hi Dena, I feel like I'm gender fluid, and I've felt that way for at least my mid-late teens. I do suspect that if/when i start seeing someone about this, we will probably start with T blockers and see how it goes. However, if feel I need to start HRT further feminize myself, then lets do it.

Edited:
Is it possible for a mod to place this text in my first post in this topic?

QuoteLong story short, I'm new here and instead of boring everyone with insipid, boring details. I'll cut to the chase, and tell my short story.

I've almost always considered myself a hetero male for awhile up until I had a sudden realization at work I was attracted to my male best friend (who's straight) over a decade and half ago. This started me to question my sexuality on occasion. Knowing he is straight, I haven't acted on it, said anything or anything related. We are still best friends and I don't want to say anything to him. I don't know how he would react, but he is not homophobic at least, but he does say homophobic things at times.

As time passed after my realization, I've found myself checking out guys and girls equally, but covertly. I've been single most of my life and have never been intimate with anyone to this point (I was in my mid 20s, virgin and never had a gf or bf). My mom always said she would love me regardless and my father thought I was gay and he was incredibly homophobic. It also didn't help I was given a long skirt by an high school friend (female) and I wore it around the house a lot. Mom didnt care, but my father hated it. It was sooooo comfy though. This was before I had my sudden realization I actually might be gay. I was never into sports, didn't constantly talk about "tagging chicks" in school, or any other of that hormone induced ego superiority that's typical with guys in middle and high school in the 90s.

In the last ten years or so, I've been noticing I'm attracted to both males and females. I began to wonder if I'm bisexual. I kept it to myself. Also during this time I've had online friends who have transitioned to MTF, and FTM and some have even mentioned it to me early on. The whole idea intrigued me, maybe I'm "not the typical guy" as friends said. Maybe something else is going on that made that idea sound so right. So I once again shelved the idea.

Fast forward to the last few years, here's where it gets confusing and difficult. I will intentionally skip some major points because I found this site through Google and if enough generic detail is mentioned I could be out'ed by people who know (best friend from earlier included). I want be outed in my own time, even if there isn't anything to "come out with". I've had thoughts during several periods in my life wondering if I'm "me" and if I needed a change and found myself behaving well, more "un-manlike". Still not much interest in a relationship, kids, hunting, sports, cars, etc.

I ended up starting to talk to this girl online and got a particular feeling about this person... Wasn't even looking. After several months (9+ of talking) she ended up becoming my first girlfriend (long distance, online) when I was just over 30 and still a virgin, I knew she wasn't comfortable with who she is and wanted a change. She is also incredibly depressed and always anxious, which she has been to many doctors and tried many medications to no avail. I ended up moving in with her and her mom (of course after we all met, and her mom loved me... She was scared her daughter might get catfished and we all got along great) and after awhile she came out and said she didn't want to be a woman anymore and wanted to have top surgery. Her mom was fine with it, and while I like boobs it kind of pained me hear she wanted to 'chop em off'. She also wants the downstairs plumbing removed because her periods are unusually heavy and terrible. It wont happen because of her age. She briefly mentioned it to her current mental health doctor, and she didn't touch on the subject much. Over the last 2 years, this has been mentioned in passing moments up until the last week...

I've been talking to an online friend who is starting his transition to female and we had a conversation that really made me kind of realize. I *AM* bisexual and I *AM* trans. Went ahead and said it instead of just thinking it. I'm attracted to guys and girls. I feel that I have suppressed my emotions and feminine side for so long, I need to stop. I mentioned to him/her that my girlfriend wants to do a transition to male and he gave me all kinds of information. However... If she was to change, doing it here in this small town would probably destroy her (highly religious and trans/homophobic. If I wanted to change, it would destroy me. My career is also highly trans/homophobic everywhere I've been.

This probably isnt the correct forum for advice, but since my/our is summed up here, it might be easier to get some input.

So, there's my story. I'm now in my mid 30s my girlfriend is in her mid 20s (I'm 9 years older) and we been together for 4 years. She wants to transition to male, but she is unemployed due to some medical reasons (not enough for disability or anything) and she is very open to HRT. I've been doing some research and talking about it, but she is terrified to transition where we live. She has mentioned moving to a more "accepting" location. She was born outside of Seattle, but moved here when she was still a baby. Both of us have always wanted to check out the pacific coast anyway and have been looking at relocating. Of course visiting the area first to get a feel.

Both of our parents are deceased now, the only person she has is her grandma and she doesn't know that she wants to transition. I want to transition as well, but my brain suddenly kicks in and says "no" because of my work and what small part of my family that remains. I know I would get disowned, but I'm the black sheep of the family anyway. I know the couple friends I do have would probably be ok with it. In skilled trades, I see this as career suicide.

So, our concerns....
My concerns:
• Mid 30s bisexual gender fluid whose still a virgin, accepting the fact that I fell more androgynous but more of the feminine side. My mental state feels masculine sometimes, but also feminine but sometimes more feminine than masculine.
• Totally ok with how I turned out, but I still feel something is "wrong" in a sense, and that I have suppressed feelings that something is amiss.
• Coming out as bi would only further alienate me from whats left of my family (I kind of don't care, I only see them when family dies). As a kid, I was the quiet one everyone walked over. I'm more mouthy now, and would probably just tell them off if they cant accept me. Going trans would definitely push me outside the family.
• Totally for T-blockers and HRT and possibly bottom operation.
• Career suicide. I'm an electrician working for a non union company. If I came out and started my transition, everyone would completely reject me and I might get "laid off". highly religious company, but not overbearing religious.

Her concerns:
• Mid 20s pansexual virgin who definitely wants to transition FTM.
• Totally for HRT, and maybe top surgery if hormones don't rid her of her breasts.
• No desire for bottom surgery

Both concerns:
• Would relocating to a more open place be a bit more ideal before transitioning instead of transitioning in a homophobic/transphobic town? My guess is yes.
• Would such a place be more accepting of a transgender electrician if did start to transition after starting employment?
• Insurance and doctors after moving.

Yea, said I would keep it short... Sorry, but I felt I had to add this information.

I hope this made some sense.