So for personal growth and safety reasons, I never came out before transition. I was in a rough spot where I knew I would have no support so I had to leave and grow on my own.

Fast forward and as some of you know due to my penchant for foruming, I transitioned and this February I made letters to send to my family members. Well...holding my breath.

Sadly, the letters got there, at least to my dad, fairly quickly.

I emailed the google doc to my brother first, I got no response from him.

My dad got my letter and as expected was devasted. Would call me by my old name, said he didnt like this "Me" person, called me by old pronouns and female child title. He also sent me more links to John hopkins hospital, said it causes cancer and a high suicide rate, said Im the way I am because of a overbearing mother and a passive father, and urged me to get help. Overall, good stuff.

He didnt bother to show my mom the letter at all even though it was meant for them both...I guess because it would absolutely traumatize and hurt her. So I ended up emailing it to her on google docs.

No word from my uncles yet and theres a cringe in my gut if they receive it.

Humiliation is the story of my life. Im a little worried but Im just keeping them at arm's length and not getting emotionally invested, I'm fine here and much better emotionally and motivationally so its not my fault if they are not and if they cant see that.


I dont know if I should have, Ive been given advice that I wasnt obligated to come out, but I think they want to keep interacting with me as a girl child and expect me to go on family vacations with them...so...if they have the expectation I should be a certain way they are wrong. I finally am putting that nail in the coffin. I'm done.

Will update with changes, I just needed to share since this is a hard time in my life and Im preparing for any harsh blows

I think everyone, or at least most of us, will have some trouble coming out to family. At least you had the courage to show what you are for them. It's so hard seeing how people begin to blame themselves like we're doing something wrong and it's they fault. We are the ones who suffer from society, and they go like they are the ones who got depressive and it's our fault.

You really did something good. It's your life there. Live your life. It's your right to be happy.

It is something that has to come out one way or the other. Brave of you to send them letters. Maybe that is what I need to do too. I have a hard time talking about this. I'm scared for one thing, that it will make my husband devastated.

My family will accept me. My brother will propably tease me in the beginning. But my kids, mom and sister will accept me.

Thanks all,

Also I think my Uncle might have received my letter, but...his text was completely about something unrelated, he sent me to look at an article on Tucker Carlson from Fox news facebook page for jobs? Its a little out there, if this is about the letter Im assuming its about passively sending me to a news source he agrees with without telling me of whatever he mightve read? Not sure...I may just was well send my other family members the internet link, too.

Fingers crossed the others dont flip out on me like my traumatized parents

Wow, so sorry to hear about the chilly reception from your family.  It sounds so eerily familiar to mine, I imagine it's unfortunately a common thread in much of this community.  I feel like it's good to keep in mind during any of these coming out processes, that all you're doing "to" others is to let them in on your secret.  It's not like you letting them know is you making a change, the change is already done.  If people, especially family members, considered it more thoughtfully, they'd see the coming out as a privilege that they're given.  An insight into you that's difficult and even possibly dangerous for you to provide. And yet you give them the gift of being included in your world. 

Keep the faith, and find and hold those friends and family willing to accept you as you are.  It's obvious in reading your note how strong you are, and yet still sensitive and a little fragile, as we all are, I guess.  I do hope that at least some of them come around, but if not, it's their choice and their loss. 

Erin

People always mention the suicide rates but yesterday I watched a video where post-transition suicide rates were brought up, they mentioned that it wasn't transitioning itself that made people want to go down that route but people going out of their way to make them feel bad about being who they are... Well done for doing what you did though, if I was in that situation I don't think I would have done anything at all, despite knowing my parents would accept me. xD

For me it was like flipping a switch too. I came back from India with a butt lift. but still dressed as male, abeit in women's pants. I went back to work and a coupled of the rude guys I worked with asked if I was putting on weight (yeah, 4" in the hips and butt). Women said nothing. So next I took to wearing clear nail polish and still nothing. Next I had my ears pierced and started wearing tiny gold studs- Nothing. I started wearing women's shoes- oxford type, not heels. Still nothing. Finally with just one card to play, I went to the office with normal bra, no binder, under a loose sweater. I walked past the women secretaries and by the time I reached my cubical, two of them had pushed in demanding to know if I had breast implants over the weekend. :No" I said, "I got them the same way you got yours" and I explained my binding routine. From now on I was Rhonda. One of them said "We knew something was going on when you came in wearing clear nail polish". Oh fine, 42" hips and they notice my nails.

I expected the end of the world when I came out about a year ago. Unfortunately my folks have been dead for thirty + years and I did not have to go through the same process. However having a wife of 35 years and two adult children did put me on edge. Luckily my wife knew early on I cross dressed and while she is not for it wholeheartedly she is beginning to make heads and tails out of why I sought HRT. She knows I am happier, kinder, more attentive. In my opinion, writing is the easy way out. All need to be confronted by their fears and reminded they chose their direction. I explained to the kids about the doubts and confusion that has basically ruled my life. Add to this, quite an education over a short period of time. Being able to discuss DES and it's possible effects on me and perhaps left me with no other options. When I read about this, DES poisoning, everything from penis size to non descending testicles to heart defects and congestive heart failure, along with diabetes made sense. Unfortunately I can not prove it, but limited research has shown I have most the symptoms. I would advise you to talk to the folks and explain the pain and doubt of your upbringing under the dysphoria you obviously suffer. Best wishes to you and your family as you explorer the new you and the the self satisfaction you seek.

Dawn

Thanks again for the responses, also I laughed at your story Rhonda x3

I know Im re-reviving this but I got sort of good news today. I called my brother since he's been asking to talk for awhile, the conversation started out normal and we talked about things as usual; pets, school, jobs, videogames, tv series. The last thing he mentioned, in vague terms, were the messages I sent out. He said I  shouldnt have sent it to mom because it near gave her a heart attack. (I did and there was more of the things like my dad said, except she also added that this was some lifestyle choice...I decided not to respond at all this time, no use trying to explain what I already tried to explain in written word). He said not to send it to my mom's side of the family, which I agreed and already planned not to do, since we dont normally associate that side due to my mom havibg a feud on that side. I figured there was no point in talking to them myself unless it by some reason came to that.

So long story short, he only warned me that and didnt say much else. But...what he did do is end the call on my desired name. No yelling, no awkwardness, we just talked, he used my own name, and that was that.

I dont know if he "gets it" or not, but Im glad that if there's anyone I can count on to treat me just as me, not a sister or a transgender person or a dyke or anything weirdly negative that I am not. At the least, he just treats me like me. For any weird familial ties that I might have created, I at least have one good one.


Big sigh of relief. Hugs to everyone else here and the stories they had to share as well. Im glad I could do this and hear how you all did it.

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on March 12, 2017, 08:49:00 PM
Thanks again for the responses, also I laughed at your story Rhonda x3

I know Im re-reviving this but I got sort of good news today. I called my brother since he's been asking to talk for awhile, the conversation started out normal and we talked about things as usual; pets, school, jobs, videogames, tv series. The last thing he mentioned, in vague terms, were the messages I sent out. He said I  shouldnt have sent it to mom because it near gave her a heart attack. (I did and there was more of the things like my dad said, except she also added that this was some lifestyle choice...I decided not to respond at all this time, no use trying to explain what I already tried to explain in written word). He said not to send it to my mom's side of the family, which I agreed and already planned not to do, since we dont normally associate that side due to my mom havibg a feud on that side. I figured there was no point in talking to them myself unless it by some reason came to that.

So long story short, he only warned me that and didnt say much else. But...what he did do is end the call on my desired name. No yelling, no awkwardness, we just talked, he used my own name, and that was that.

I dont know if he "gets it" or not, but Im glad that if there's anyone I can count on to treat me just as me, not a sister or a transgender person or a dyke or anything weirdly negative that I am not. At the least, he just treats me like me. For any weird familial ties that I might have created, I at least have one good one.


Big sigh of relief. Hugs to everyone else here and the stories they had to share as well. Im glad I could do this and hear how you all did it.

That's great news about your brother. I can only imagine how much of a relief that is to have a connection to a family member.

My siblings were the most accepting of it as well.

It's ironic, my parents said years ago when I didn't get along with my brothers/sisters that having them is a good thing and someday they would have my back. They were wrong about most things regarding me but in that they were right.

Good to hear you had a positive outcome from him.