Hi, everybody!
First of all, I want to congratulate you for maintaining such a supportive and helpful forum. It's really exciting seeing people from all around the world giving hope and help to others in a similar situation, and this makes all of you really big.
I've been reading you for some weeks and I think it's time to present myself. I'm Q, from Spain, I'm 21 years old, and I study a dual bachelor in Madrid.
I have never felt as an ordinary boy, but until I was ~15 years old I more or less accepted it (or at least, I hadn't been aware of what means to be read as a boy or as a girl in society), then I started to question more and more my gender. I had a kind of phase looking into transsexuality, trying to know everything about it until I told it to the wrong person, ->-bleeped-<- happened, and I just tried to forget it.
Since then, now some years ago, I have had many doubts about who I am, about how I can define and present me, even about what I felt.
When I started college, I joined the LGBTQ+ association in my university and I found new friends who helped me to forget the bad experiences of the past, I started to open again, to explore myself and how I really feel.
As somebody read as a man, I've never been comfortable around men. I feel completely outside of my assigned gender and I can't stand almost all behaviors most of the people expect from me for just being read as a boy. Also, I always tended to socialize with girls of my age, even though sometimes not fully integrated, like if I didn't fit.
Recently, in my two last years of college, I identified myself as non-binary, but all my doubts about gender always persisted. Some time ago I asked my near friends to call me by feminine pronouns and, progressively, I made some changes in my life in order to do an "experiment" with my feminity, exteriorizing it (at least to my inner social circle), and I'm so glad right now: I love to wear my skirt and leggings and when someone refers to me as "she" I feel happy and integrated.
I can see me in the future transitioning, I can see my future me as a woman, and I feel excited about the possibility; however, my doubts and concerns are (partly) still there and I don't know if I just don't know what I am, or if I am only frightened about the result of all these feelings and how the people can react to this, or if I am in the grey zone in the middle.
I don't know where I am now and I hope that here I can finally discover myself who I really am at the same time I try to help other with my little experience, talking with others that have experienced similar situations.
Again, thank you so much for having this awesome forum, good night from Spain!
PD: I am sorry for being a bit wordy in my first post. Also, excuse my possible English errors, I'm not used to using English for sharing this kind of feelings.
