Is there a certain time of the week where dysphoria is more likely to hit you?  For me recently, it is every Sunday night. I have needed to plan distractions on Sunday nights because I feel it building up during the day. I really don't know why but it is pretty regularly the case.
Monica

Weekends. I guess I need a lot of space and I have very little, especially on weekends. I despise Sundays. They seem to put other people in a bad mood too, they are depressed/anxious about work the next day etc.

Dysphoria will manifest when I feel aware of myself and of feeling trapped, and other people in close proximity can bring it out in me if they keep reminding me of it and from Friday through Sunday I deal with it. Once in a bad mood it doesn't take much to ruin the entire day. Unfortunately as time went on I found an outlet in actually becoming enraged, and it was getting worse by the year. Even worse was the fact my relatives needed to get wasted drunk to go into rages - I can just do it at any time under constant pressure these last few years. I don't even drink but I still ended up like them. Although to be fair I'm not sure who I know could have put up with some of the crap I have and stayed sane. I cannot talk about dysphoria with the people I should be able to talk about it with, they continue to run hot/cold and basically I'm alone but not alone enough to get any peace of mind.

Thankfully HRT has taken it away. Mostly. Still kind of hate weekends though. They were ruined for me as a kid by other people and as an adult it's much the same.

No I don't think so, because I no longer work nor do I have a social life, one day is much like the next for me.
My bad times are more driven by events.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 18, 2017, 11:23:17 PM
My bad time are more driven by events.

Same here!  I just went to a comic con this weekend, and seeing all the cosplayers made me wish so badly that I had put together a costume (for a female character).

I find my dysphoria is more driven by events or situations I'm in.  That said, Sunday's are my least likely days because they're the only day of the week I know I will actually be able to be me.  My worst days seem to be when I'm traveling and sitting in an airport.  I don't know why, but sitting and seeing the myriad of women going about a task that I have to do so often and not being able to interact with them or just be one of them really spins up those feelings.

Now it almost never hits.  Or maybe it's there but so much less than it used to be that it just feels like it's gone. 

Before HRT though it was a constant buzz in my head that never went away.  Sometimes though it would soar to crippling levels.  But there was no real pattern to this.  It might happen at any time and then it would stick around for a while, sometimes only a few days and sometimes for months before I could manage to stuff it back into the constant background buzz.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

Shopping day.  The day of the week varies, but whenever we go into town for groceries and other errands, I put on my male disguise.  I have started to become aware of just how shut-down I feel when wearing drab.  It's like wearing a suit of armour.  The sooner I can get out from under that, the better.

Back when I was living part-time as female, Sunday nights were a BIG killer. The biggest trigger being removing the nail polish. The end of a dream come true for another 4-5 days. It got so that It got so bad I began waiting till Monday morning to undo my nails leaving me little time to dwell on Joanne being put back into a closet and getting all depressed over the dream coming to an end.

These days, back to primarily to only male mode, it's weekends in general. Without the hustle and bustle of work and home life, I sometimes have a few spare minutes to look back on a life lost to time that I'd likely never have again. Add in a bit of wine and I can cry over it for hours 

Recently it would seem like Friday and Saturday mornings. Saturday nights, Sundays and Mondays seem to have the least amount of dysphoria. I am unsure what triggers this superstition but have noticed it.

When I get out of the shower on a work day and it's time to get dressed . Some days I sit there staring out the window wishing I had the courage to wear a dress or skirt and go to work and be the real me. Not doing so makes me feel bad/brings dysphoria.


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Oh, I also forgot to mention during the early morning on any given day in which i got to shave and see facial hair and the grey area :/

I usually start to feel really bad after I get off the subway in the morning on workdays and walk towards the office through a shopping center and see all the women going to work or just shopping, basically just living their lives.

That's when I feel the worst and the bad feelings get stronger as I'm getting closer to the office in male mode.
As I'm not out at work I have to look like guy which doesn't suit me very much at this stage. Then I always remember that my voice is still not good enough to go full-time and my confidence issues would multiply because of my voice and that would probably hurt my performance even more than my current depressed state does. But then I also feel that I'm at a point where the depression will win and then I'll be lucky to hold this job and I can say bye-bye to my promotion even before I get it and I really need that promotion to go forward in my life. Oh and also the government decided that they need to rework gender marker change procedures and it's total chaos again which adds to the uncertainty.

All these things usually hit me at once and I have to really concentrate to not start crying at the middle of the mall or at the office. I think I'll have to risk going full-time soonish because that's the only way I see which goes forward.

If you are on HRT - is it possible you are in a valley of hormones in your system on Sundays?  (If you shoot E on Sundays or Mondays for example.)

Quote from: lisawb on March 19, 2017, 06:10:46 AM
... My worst days seem to be when I'm traveling and sitting in an airport.  I don't know why, but sitting and seeing the myriad of women going about a task that I have to do...

What Lisawb said is why I transitioned.  My dysphoria would hit, typically, while walking down a city street I would think "LUCKY! Why not me? ... etc..." and I would get totally pissed off!

I haven't decided if mine is arbitrary or not. Till recently I was on I.M. Estradiol. With weekly injections, I'd be euphoric after injecting and by day three would often be bouncing off the walls and ready for a nervous breakdown. Often by the day before injection I'd be dysphoric and pissed. Now they have me on Estrace Oral and I have to say I'm having much less dysphoria and am more even keeled regarding my moods. So to Lisa's point, yeah, I definitely believe my endocrine system is often times leading me around by the nose.

weekdays.  I work at a grocery store; and do you know who usually handles grocery shopping?  Women.  And they're usually cis.  It's a struggle.  It's like having an earbud playing a constant tune of dysphoria into my ear.  But it's at such a low volume that I can't even identify the stupid song.  And then without warning, the volume knob gets turned all the way up so that this terrible song is pounding into my head and down through my spine.  Usually the cause of this is some woman around my age, pretty, frequently with a baby.  I try and hold it together, but I do consistantly cry at work a couple of times every week.  I prefer weekends.


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Quote from: Amanda_Combs on March 19, 2017, 11:09:25 AM
weekdays.  I work at a grocery store; and do you know who usually handles grocery shopping?  Women.  And they're usually cis.  It's a struggle.  It's like having an earbud playing a constant tune of dysphoria into my ear.  But it's at such a low volume that I can't even identify the stupid song.  And then without warning, the volume knob gets turned all the way up so that this terrible song is pounding into my head and down through my spine.  Usually the cause of this is some woman around my age, pretty, frequently with a baby.  I try and hold it together, but I do consistantly cry at work a couple of times every week.  I prefer weekends.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You need to have them let you watch them change a diaper or be there when the kids melt down and have a killer temper tantrum.....that'll cure ya!

Quote from: jentay1367 on March 19, 2017, 11:17:46 AM
You need to have them let you watch them change a diaper or be there when the kids melt down and have a killer temper tantrum.....that'll cure ya!

  LOL Jen
   
You reminded of a time when my first grand daughter was very young. I'd be visiting and my daughter would ask her who she wanted to change her diaper. It was invariably me.  I've changed a few diapers both as a dad and a grand father. Not a lot of fun but still a privilege.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: Denise on March 19, 2017, 09:27:48 AM
What Lisawb said is why I transitioned.  My dysphoria would hit, typically, while walking down a city street I would think "LUCKY! Why not me? ... etc..." and I would get totally pissed off!

Yep very similar, although for me more often it's depression than anger.  For instance at one point I was sitting in the Philadelphia airport and was admiring the outfit of a woman across from me.  At one point she made a comment to me about our flight and I had hoped it could turn into a conversation, but the only things I could think to say would not have fit with my male presentation.  I ended up getting up after our brief conversation because the anxiety I was feeling made me sick to my stomach.