I think this is the right place to post this. Anyhow I was talking to a counsellor today and we both brain stormed some things. Her thing is, and I now agree is that I am having issues living as a woman not because I dont like it, but because I am deeply insecure about anything feminine at times. Esspecially when I am really enjoying my womanhood. We have come to the comclussion that there is something deep in my past and in my head that is preventing me from living the free life of myself vs keeping me chained in masculinity and the old life. It is true, after I ran away from anything fmeinine and made myself ''manly'' at a young age to protect myself. However, I was wondering if anyone here has ever done hypnotharpey or EMDR? I have never dont hypnosis so I am very curious. I did EMDR like twice a couple years ago, I did get memeroy recall of an event that happened I forgot many many years ago, but it was neither tramatic or importnant. Still, I was able to recall a memory that happened. Digging below the surface I have vague memories of some spooky things that happened as a kid, but Its other people around me who seem to remmeber it better.. It bugs me, and I would like to work on these things. I may never get the full memeroies but I need to work on why my insecurites block progress. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks

Hugs-Ashley!

I've only done emdr and like you, it dug up memories that are unrelated to trans, but things that give problems because of the beliefs I developed as a result. It's basically getting rid of or lessening the triggers and emotional responses that are negative. CBT will do similar things, but it may take longer. My understanding is that emdr works best with people that have ptsd or traumatic experiences. If I've had that, was very young and it's buried and mostly forgotten. To explain my statement, my mother sent me to a psychiatrist when I was 4 or 5. I remember doing Rorschach's and talking to a man, but that's it. My parents are dead and the only person that would know is an older sister. Her response to my asking about it was that mom sent me there to see how I was dealing with living with a senile grandparent and being abused by a neighbors son. I asked for clarification on this and received no reply. My only recollection I have which happened after the psych visit was getting chased by that kid, who is 8 years older than me, and getting beat up for playing near their property line. He's probably the only person I'd like to kill and it's been almost 50 years. My parents were gutless. If someone hurt one of my babies, I'd prosecute them to the full extent of the law or no one would find them again. What I do know is that predators know when a prey is different. I guess I was an easy mark.


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Thats the thing. I have been able to kinda remember stuff but its others who seem to remember more. One time, when I was 8 my mom and dad walked into my cousins room.It was pitch dark, window covered, and we were close together in our underwears under his blanket. Seeing as I was about 8 and he would have been 17 I was made to leave the room and my mom wouldnt let me be at my Aunts without adult supervision. There was not caught in the act per say, but it still creeped both my parents out. I also noticed around this time I ditched any femininity I had and adopted a masculine only and virtually male only friendships too fwiw. I also have other things too going on, but these things freak me out

I'm a hypnotist. Be very, very careful using hypnosis for this. A clumsy hypnotist, especially if not trained in forensic hypnosis, can ask leading questions that implant false memories. There were a lot of scandals about this in the nineties when some hypnotists accidentally implanted memories of child abuse in people which led to whole families being torn apart.

Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 21, 2017, 01:10:04 PM
I'm a hypnotist. Be very, very careful using hypnosis for this. A clumsy hypnotist, especially if not trained in forensic hypnosis, can ask leading questions that implant false memories. There were a lot of scandals about this in the nineties when some hypnotists accidentally implanted memories of child abuse in people which led to whole families being torn apart.

Thats disgusting. Why would anyone plant false memories into an already suffering person?

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on March 21, 2017, 01:00:12 PM
Thats the thing. I have been able to kinda remember stuff but its others who seem to remember more. One time, when I was 8 my mom and dad walked into my cousins room.It was pitch dark, window covered, and we were close together in our underwears under his blanket. Seeing as I was about 8 and he would have been 17 I was made to leave the room and my mom wouldnt let me be at my Aunts without adult supervision. There was not caught in the act per say, but it still creeped both my parents out. I also noticed around this time I ditched any femininity I had and adopted a masculine only and virtually male only friendships too fwiw. I also have other things too going on, but these things freak me out

At 23 you'll remember a lot more than at 55.


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It wasn't intentional. Imagine this. The hypnotist induces the person and this dialogue ensues:

H: I want you to think back to a time when you were alone with your uncle. Are you there?

P: Yes

H: Tell me.how and where he touched you.

The hypnotist has just assumed that the uncle touched the person and implied that it was inappropriate. Most people will innocently make something up to please​ the hypnotist. A few iterations of this and the person has a false memory of abuse by an uncle. Some people at that time had a belief that most little girls are abused.

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I hope I remeber stuff. I want to move forth and know what makes me tick!!

and I got ya now, unintentional talk!

Thanks girls !!

I don't trust psychiatrists at all, the 3 I seen in my life wanted to discuss why I was walking around with a 2 by 4 on my shoulder and was trying to put the bullies problems on me as if I was the reason they didn't get their way with me. The only person I trust outside my wife was my dad and gramps,I've never trusted anyone in my life and with due cause for they would knife me in the back sooner or later. The last shrink for social security diagnosed me with ptsd,I asked how in the world did I aquire this for my life was about as boring as one could get because I worked with my dad from the age of 6-15 when he died and then the next yr my gram pa was taken from me and I was left all alone with a mother I love but never trusted,i did come out to her 17 yrs ago and she spread it around as fast as she could. Besides I know myself better then anyone and knew I was different from a early age because being male I developed as a female so I went and studied my condition with the limited resources at hand and documentaries my parents watched with us kids about this condition. So in reality a psychiatrist can't do nothing for me for I don't trust em at all.

Trust issues and memories we've avoided can be linked!  Cheryl, I have big time trust issues with "male authority figures".  This doesn't mean I distrust men, although that may be tied in with other issues in my head. (I'm a hot mess in some areas.)

In my case it means that exercises of authority in the classic male "Just do it.  Don't ask why" format, actions taken or punishment meted out without communications as to why, are triggering events.  They trigger the recall of memories that I never have properly processed, stuff I sort of walled off and refused to acknowledge or handle.  I think I only survived in the military by being in a program where we were SUPPOSED to question orders and require explanations, to avoid horrific accidents.  (Nuclear power, for what it's worth.)

So, I've been seeing a female therapist to help me along.  I vastly prefer female medical providers, and have for years, to the consternation of my ex-wife.  Besides relating better, I felt safer.  (Or is that the same thing?  )

We al have our needs, and our issues, and we all need to find strategies to take care of both.  I favor whatever works for each of us as individuals.

Quote from: Michelle_P on March 21, 2017, 04:47:23 PM
Trust issues and memories we've avoided can be linked!  Cheryl, I have big time trust issues with "male authority figures".  This doesn't mean I distrust men, although that may be tied in with other issues in my head. (I'm a hot mess in some areas.)

In my case it means that exercises of authority in the classic male "Just do it.  Don't ask why" format, actions taken or punishment meted out without communications as to why, are triggering events.  They trigger the recall of memories that I never have properly processed, stuff I sort of walled off and refused to acknowledge or handle.  I think I only survived in the military by being in a program where we were SUPPOSED to question orders and require explanations, to avoid horrific accidents.  (Nuclear power, for what it's worth.)

So, I've been seeing a female therapist to help me along.  I vastly prefer female medical providers, and have for years, to the consternation of my ex-wife.  Besides relating better, I felt safer.  (Or is that the same thing?  )

We al have our needs, and our issues, and we all need to find strategies to take care of both.  I favor whatever works for each of us as individuals.

I know about not trusting authority. For me, I would extend it beyond gender, but government/work/anything. My trust has to be earned big time. I  tried rotc. After two years I realized I couldn't change. I question everything and I will take the piss. I've mellowed out as I have aged, but if I feel like I am being boxed in or bullied, I can get very upset. The worst thing for me are when decisions are made politically for reasons that aren't logical to me, especially nepotism/cronyism. I remember in HS I took music theory. I was getting B's and B+'s while all the people in the class that were in the band were getting A's and A+'s. I compared my work and it was the same as theirs. When I confronted the teacher, he said I wasn't one of his people, I wasn't in the band. It's been the story of my life.


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Thanks.  The point is, we all have issues of some sort that may be linked to stuff that happened in our formative years.  Tools used to get at this stuff to help us process it include EMDR and hypnosis.

As Dee mentions, hypnosis has to be treated with respect, knowledge, and training, lest it create issues where none existed.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) seems to be similar to CBT  from what I've read in dealing with past trauma, and that might be preferable to hypnosis.  (My therapist has used CBT with me and I'm happy with how it has worked so far.)

Quote from: Michelle_P on March 21, 2017, 05:25:01 PM
Thanks.  The point is, we all have issues of some sort that may be linked to stuff that happened in our formative years.  Tools used to get at this stuff to help us process it include EMDR and hypnosis.

As Dee mentions, hypnosis has to be treated with respect, knowledge, and training, lest it create issues where none existed.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) seems to be similar to CBT  from what I've read in dealing with past trauma, and that might be preferable to hypnosis.  (My therapist has used CBT with me and I'm happy with how it has worked so far.)

Cool. I really do want to try hypnosis. My issue is, is i fear it may not work. During any kind of therapy in my life or anything that brings me to the subconios level odd things happen. In therapy, talk therpay I either beging really nervous without thinking what to say, of I get emtionally numb and babble on without knowing much of what I am saying or remebering it. As for hypnosisi it is hard, like when I try to do a meditiation I get really anxious at times to the point my breathing acts up. Tho, the few times I got past it all I did was get ''too into it'' I would pass out and go to sleep. Granted, when I did this it was back in autumn 2015 when I got up at 3 15 every morning for work and then did the meditation around 5 or 6.. when my normal bed time was about 730 or 8 lol. Anyways, I notice that when I any going to in a state of my subconoius my body will act up with uncomfortable feelings. For example, I hate boners yet as soon as I am about to tap into my mind I will get a tingling feeling in that area, or a semi-erection even and I am not horny at all. Or i will get twitches. Just odd stuff

Good luck. I hope all works out for you.

I moved the topic to Therapy. We fill this is a better placement for this thread.

With warmth,

Joanna

Its funny. I had some memories pop into my head at work yestarday!! These were trans-related

I rememeber, vaguely that as a kid around 3 or 4 I used to tuck my you know what between my legs and pretend it wasnt there lol.  I know this isnt truama or what not related at all but still, I do not recall dysproia as a child at that point but that was a logn time ago for me.

Still, I am really giving this therpay stuff a shot, I just hope it all pans out

I did that too, really early. Trying to make it go away. I also do not remember having a dysphoric childhood. I just was very serious. Dysphoria didn't hit with hard symptoms till 40 some years later.

Stay positive no matter what you might uncover.

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: Joanna50 on March 22, 2017, 09:03:20 AM
I did that too, really early. Trying to make it go away. I also do not remember having a dysphoric childhood. I just was very serious. Dysphoria didn't hit with hard symptoms till 40 some years later.

Stay positive no matter what you might uncover.

With warmth,

Joanna

Thanks <3

So I have already began looking into the EMDR and prepping for it when it is to come in the next few months and already feel anxious haha. Why would that happen?

Best to relax and just be open to the experience


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Quote from: Gertrude on March 23, 2017, 12:46:38 PM
Best to relax and just be open to the experience


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Oh I am trying!! But as soon as I do a meditation or about lose the more coniousness of myself and go deep into my mind I will get some odd feelings. Sometimes I wana cry or have done so, and other times I get something called ''gronial responses'' which disturb the moment of relaxing. I may not even be thinking of anything, my mind will be blank sometimes but its seems those thing happen i guess when I am about dig deep. In honesty, the crying is a bit new to me. The gronial responses happen, not as much anymore tho. I only got those during high moments of anxiety or stress which seems kinda ironic I would get those when I am to be calm and at one haha..