Hello ladies! My name is Stephanie and I am new to Susan's. I am MTF crossdresser and have been crossdressing for over 17 years off and on. For decades I've battled this, each time buying clothes and purging. Each time I tell myself I am absolutely not going to ever touch, think or be drawn toward women's clothing only to repeat the cycle. I've given in again and have bought a wardrobe full of lingerie, nylons and things that don't fit me. I've done this many times. I am looking for other crossdressers, or other fellow transgender people who would be willing to communicate and talk about crossdressing issues. I am also starting to even question my gender a bit. I was born a guy and feel generally ok as a guy, but find myself wishing I could live as a woman sometimes. But this thought scares me..........

Any other crossdressers find themselves having gender questioning? Also, I'm so discouraged. I'm 6'0 tall, about 185 lbs but find it hard to find things that fit well. I ordered some panties the other day and they're already splitting and they were XL. And then this morning I noticed my nylons were totally ripped (I love to wear them to bed...nothing more comfortable and divine). Nylons in my world have a lifespan on my body of about 4 days, so damn discouraging!!! I have tights coming tomorrow that are a bit more resistant supposedly. Would love to hear from some ladies out there. <Not Allowed>

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Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

Hi Stephanie,

I'm Jeanette, 64, mtf, on hrt since Dec 2016. and self appointed unofficial greeter. HI! and Welcome to Susan's Place. Do come in and make yourself at home. Grab a seat make yourself comfortable. There are a lot of good people here that want nothing more to be of help to you and others and be helped themselves. But more importantly we share ourselves with each other and get to know one another. Oh btw a moderator or an admin will be along shortly to provide you some useful links you should make use of and they will give you the official welcome on behalf of Susan. Yes there really is a Susan and she's one of us.
   So you are a crossdresser, stuck in that dang purge/ acquire cycle are you? It really sucks doesn't it? And all that wasted money down the drain too. Been doing it for around 17 years you say? Well Stephanie you are not alone. There are quite a few of us here. Yeah, I said us. I am a life long crossdresser. the first pair of panties I remember putting on was when I was in the 2nd grade. I'm 64 remember... you do the math. I have been wearing girl's/ women's (now my) clothes off on on for a very long time. as have many others here. You are NOT alone.
   You said "I was born a guy and feel generally ok as a guy, but find myself wishing I could live as a woman sometimes." Join the club, I'd venture to say all of us crossdressers had said that same line. We have also all agonized over our desires and have sworn off over and over and over again. For some uf us our proclivity for women's clothing has played a part in our marital problems and for some, like myself, it played a part in our divorces.
No, it isn't an easy pastime to accept. Eventually I accepted it as being a part of my I had to do. I'm still doing it and still hiding it. My closet door has only opened a crack so far. I'm working on that.
   You also said, " I am also starting to even question my gender a bit" again join the club. If you remember I said way back at the beginning that I was MtF - male to female and on HRT. I questioned my gender too, I questioned my repeated desire to be a girl / woman time and again throughout my life. I recently decided to start taking hormones to suppress my testosterone and estrogen to change my body to better conform to what my mind says it should be.           
   Not all crossdresser  want to do this. Some once they accept their crossdressing are perfectly satisfied with it. I myself used to think crossdressing was enough but I believe I've been lying to myself. So i opted to go to the next step. I am under my doctor's care and I go to a gender therapist to get help with all this stuff. I am still trying to fully accept it  and deal with issues that came about by my decisions to do HRT.

  So you see, Stephanie. you are not alone and we are glad to have you here.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Thank you Jeanette!! Ok, so u r on hrt eh? I've flirted very lightly with the thought of hrt, but don't think it's for me. Yes, the purging really sucks. I can easily say I've wasted at least $1,000 on clothing to say the least! It is a very tough "pastime" and a very tough way to be.

I'd say I am generally in the closet too. My mother knows about it but hates it. She lives with me and I respect her opinion immensely and she really does not want me going out. I had the chance to go out once. I live in Seattle and did a MTF makeover from Emerald Fantasy. I freaked out once we got in the car to go to the mall and asked her to take me back to the hotel where we started. Looking back on it I wished we would've gone out, but she was giving me all these rules on how to be female and what to do that I really got very scared. If it were easier, I'd go out all the time. But my makeup skills are poor at best. I can kinda put on lipstick, but when it comes to other things I'm lost. The person who made me over gave me all types of advice on how to do things. I got lost it was so complicated.

So, how is the hormone therapy going? Do you notice much difference? I'm interested to know. Are you aiming to get gender confirmation surgery? I've heard that is tough at best. I cannot imagine. Good luck to you!!! Thanks for reaching out, appreciate it!!!

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 24, 2017, 12:29:15 AM
Hi Stephanie,

I'm Jeanette, 64, mtf, on hrt since Dec 2016. and self appointed unofficial greeter. HI! and Welcome to Susan's Place. Do come in and make yourself at home. Grab a seat make yourself comfortable. There are a lot of good people here that want nothing more to be of help to you and others and be helped themselves. But more importantly we share ourselves with each other and get to know one another. Oh btw a moderator or an admin will be along shortly to provide you some useful links you should make use of and they will give you the official welcome on behalf of Susan. Yes there really is a Susan and she's one of us.
   So you are a crossdresser, stuck in that dang purge/ acquire cycle are you? It really sucks doesn't it? And all that wasted money down the drain too. Been doing it for around 17 years you say? Well Stephanie you are not alone. There are quite a few of us here. Yeah, I said us. I am a life long crossdresser. the first pair of panties I remember putting on was when I was in the 2nd grade. I'm 64 remember... you do the math. I have been wearing girl's/ women's (now my) clothes off on on for a very long time. as have many others here. You are NOT alone.
   You said "I was born a guy and feel generally ok as a guy, but find myself wishing I could live as a woman sometimes." Join the club, I'd venture to say all of us crossdressers had said that same line. We have also all agonized over our desires and have sworn off over and over and over again. For some uf us our proclivity for women's clothing has played a part in our marital problems and for some, like myself, it played a part in our divorces.
No, it isn't an easy pastime to accept. Eventually I accepted it as being a part of my I had to do. I'm still doing it and still hiding it. My closet door has only opened a crack so far. I'm working on that.
   You also said, " I am also starting to even question my gender a bit" again join the club. If you remember I said way back at the beginning that I was MtF - male to female and on HRT. I questioned my gender too, I questioned my repeated desire to be a girl / woman time and again throughout my life. I recently decided to start taking hormones to suppress my testosterone and estrogen to change my body to better conform to what my mind says it should be.           
   Not all crossdresser  want to do this. Some once they accept their crossdressing are perfectly satisfied with it. I myself used to think crossdressing was enough but I believe I've been lying to myself. So i opted to go to the next step. I am under my doctor's care and I go to a gender therapist to get help with all this stuff. I am still trying to fully accept it  and deal with issues that came about by my decisions to do HRT.

  So you see, Stephanie. you are not alone and we are glad to have you here.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: stepahnietrans on March 24, 2017, 02:36:07 AM

So, how is the hormone therapy going? Do you notice much difference? I'm interested to know. Are you aiming to get gender confirmation surgery? I've heard that is tough at best. I cannot imagine. Good luck to you!!! Thanks for reaching out, appreciate it!!!

  Okay Stephanie,

    Yes, I made the choice to start HRT under a doctor's care. I am also receiving the help of a gender therapist. HRT is NOT a choice to be made lightly. On the surface that is what I did, but my decision was made with many years of desires to not only look like a woman but desires to actually be one. I want you to remember what I said before, Not all crossdressers go on to HRT. Many are completely satisfied with dressing up to meet their needs and then changing back. I like to think of it as getting their fix then taking a break. I used to think dressing was enough but I always wanted more. I progressed from undergarments to full on makeup and wigs and then didn't want to change back. I kept wishing I could be female. Even before I got deeper in to dressing I wished I could be like my 5 sisters almost as long as I can remember. Until fairly recently I think crossdressing appeased my need to be a woman. When I found out I could do HRT I did it, No real thought about it. I just knew I wanted to do it.
   I've had my up and downs during HRT. When I thought about what I was doing I would get doubts whether I was doing the right thing sure. I'm human. I'd think about how my family and friends might react to the news and it caused me to worry and fret over it. But it has never stopped me from taking my meds. I know inside I want this regardless of what my head is telling me.
  Differences? Well I have small boobs. They are more than sore bumps. They have become sore boobs and I love having them. Other than that no not much difference. I cry a little easier and more often now, Some mood swings.
   GCS? that is a maybe. At my age sex isn't that important though I am curious what sex as a woman with a man would be like. The likelihood of finding out at my age isn't great. So GCS isn't that high on my list right now. That could change though. you never know. I wouldn't mind an orichectomy and a trach shave though.

  I think I covered your questions. You may be interested in other peoples points of view also. I'm not an expert on this stuff but we do have some things in common as do others here. Don't limit yourself to just my experience and opinions. Open it to everyone to respond.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette