So something interesting happened on my last therapy session, we discussed my view of me having no future and she asked if I was born with the correct body, would I feel the same?
I totally drew a blank. I know I'm a guy, but I can't really think past tomorrow..
Is this normal?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

We often get so bogged down dealing with our personal issues that we do little thinking about  the future and even less about what might have been. It was a bit unfair of the doctor asking that question if you were expected to have an answer without time to think about it. What you should do from now till the next appointment is think about the type of work you would do, would you marry, would you have children and other things about the life that might have been then discuss it in your next session. If your going to transition, it's good to know what you will want out of life after the transition is complete.

Quote from: Dena on March 23, 2017, 05:54:50 PM
We often get so bogged down dealing with our personal issues that we do little thinking about  the future and even less about what might have been. It was a bit unfair of the doctor asking that question if you were expected to have an answer without time to think about it. What you should do from now till the next appointment is think about the type of work you would do, would you marry, would you have children and other things about the life that might have been then discuss it in your next session. If your going to transition, it's good to know what you will want out of life after the transition is complete.

Thanks, Dena.
It was hard to think of just what to say as you said we're all too bogged down by different things and I think I've felt so bad that I didn't think I could cope with a future being both mentally ill and trans.

Yeah, I'm going to do a tonne of soul searching in trying to carve some long term goals. One for example is that I want to go to college.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This mindset can become a permanent one which makes life potentially more difficult the longer you nurse it, probably a good thing to confront it now and try to figure out what sort of future you would like to have.

Don't know if it is normal but I can tell you that my own issues and childhood instability meant that I find it very difficult to shake off the "live in the moment, who cares about tomorrow" mindset and it's probably why my life is such a mess to this day. Not a problem while you're young, when you get older and realize you did not build a life for yourself it becomes a problem and a fear.

Its odd, I had two ways of seeing my future. Growing up as male I could kinda see a future-ish. Back in grade 10, the last year of my life where I could see a possible semi-happy future life as male it seemed more of a day dream. I dreamed of marrying my ex, having kids, having the house and doing all that fun stuff. At that time it seemed nice but I had absolutley no plans on obtaining that realistically. I would dream that her and I would have a family, buy a house just out side of Kingston Ontario in the woods, and we would have our careers and ect.I saw myself as university grad. Yet, had no real foot steps to make this true and just dreamed. During the early stages of transition, my mind set changed a bit. I now had dreams and goals, and I knew how to obtain them. I was going to work my tail off to save all my money for GRS, recovery for a few months then join the Canadian Military. I had applied before and they said they would take me on as a transgender person no problem, provided I get the surgery. After that, I planned to possibley get more involved into politics as I was a member of a political party for a bit. Probabaly more so at the local level. I wanted to be a mama, so I took the steps to get my sperm frozen at a fertility clinic on my 21st birthday. I saw a future and started to make it happen by actually doing some, not day dream.

Now, that was me strickly talking about myself, but there was a time pre-transition I saw no future unless I was female. This was around the arse end of 2013, and the first 4 or 5 months of 2014 (until May). I dont recall the exact date when my dysporia kicked in hard, but I would guess it was August or so of 2013 until I came out in May the following year. I had 2 jobs for a good part of that time to keep me busy, save money not think too hard, I ready up alot about religion and different sorts of religions and also cruitiques of religions, I socialized as much as I could with friends, and also planned more realisitcally about how to transition, or as realistaclly as i thought.

Anyways, I am hear hun <3

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on March 24, 2017, 08:31:57 AM
Its odd, I had two ways of seeing my future. Growing up as male I could kinda see a future-ish. Back in grade 10, the last year of my life where I could see a possible semi-happy future life as male it seemed more of a day dream. I dreamed of marrying my ex, having kids, having the house and doing all that fun stuff. At that time it seemed nice but I had absolutley no plans on obtaining that realistically. I would dream that her and I would have a family, buy a house just out side of Kingston Ontario in the woods, and we would have our careers and ect.I saw myself as university grad. Yet, had no real foot steps to make this true and just dreamed. During the early stages of transition, my mind set changed a bit. I now had dreams and goals, and I knew how to obtain them. I was going to work my tail off to save all my money for GRS, recovery for a few months then join the Canadian Military. I had applied before and they said they would take me on as a transgender person no problem, provided I get the surgery. After that, I planned to possibley get more involved into politics as I was a member of a political party for a bit. Probabaly more so at the local level. I wanted to be a mama, so I took the steps to get my sperm frozen at a fertility clinic on my 21st birthday. I saw a future and started to make it happen by actually doing some, not day dream.

Now, that was me strickly talking about myself, but there was a time pre-transition I saw no future unless I was female. This was around the arse end of 2013, and the first 4 or 5 months of 2014 (until May). I dont recall the exact date when my dysporia kicked in hard, but I would guess it was August or so of 2013 until I came out in May the following year. I had 2 jobs for a good part of that time to keep me busy, save money not think too hard, I ready up alot about religion and different sorts of religions and also cruitiques of religions, I socialized as much as I could with friends, and also planned more realisitcally about how to transition, or as realistaclly as i thought.

Anyways, I am hear hun <3

I don't mean to take away any attention from the OP but do you still feel determined? I feel like I'm at the stage you were back in 2013, where I don't feel I have real goals and definitely think my gender identity has a lot to do with it, I just don't feel motivated about pursuing anything as a male for the rest of my life. I'm basically just going through the motions but I do dream that if I get the guts to transition I'll become very determined and goal oriented since I'll feel better about myself, this is why I'm asking.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on March 24, 2017, 11:31:46 AM
I don't mean to take away any attention from the OP but do you still feel determined? I feel like I'm at the stage you were back in 2013, where I don't feel I have real goals and definitely think my gender identity has a lot to do with it, I just don't feel motivated about pursuing anything as a male for the rest of my life. I'm basically just going through the motions but I do dream that if I get the guts to transition I'll become very determined and goal oriented since I'll feel better about myself, this is why I'm asking.

The thing is you mileage may very. For me transition opened up new doors that should have been always there. I guess it really depends, but yes dysporia will make it hard to think about the future if you are still living in your current situation

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on March 24, 2017, 11:41:55 AM
The thing is you mileage may very. For me transition opened up new doors that should have been always there. I guess it really depends, but yes dysporia will make it hard to think about the future if you are still living in your current situation

Thanks.

Asking if your were born with with "the correct body" is a bit like asking asking someone with say... spina bifida how would they feel the same if they were "Normal"  Gee... if I weren't 6ft tall, balding since 14, teased for being b)fat, c)stuttering, d) mouth breather, and a host of other things... like trans, how would feel?  No F'n idea.

What a dumb ass question.

Nah. Sometimes you have to phrase a question a certain way to get someone to think a different way about something.

Years ago when I was once feeling pretty grim my counselor asked me if I thought suicide would solve my problems. I said yes. He said how do you know it will. How do you actually know it will be the end of anything at all? Do you even know the first thing about death itself?

My reaction in my head was what a freaking dumbass question.

But he was absolutely right. I don't know. And I went away and thought about it. And I didn't choose that path.

There are no stupid questions. . .