I was able to find a place that sells them for a good price an ordered some.
And pretty much since i have been taking them i feel a lot less depressed and more positive about my future.
Before i was very depressed all the time and would think a lot about not being able to get hrt for about 4 years now  because of my weight that i'm not able to get down,
Or that even if where to get hrt and transition that i could never pass and properly live as a woman also got suicidal thoughts (Never acted on them but a lot of the time i got the feeling it would be better to end it all).
But ever since taking them the worst of my depression has gone away, While i do get depressed sometimes its not as bad as before (I don't get suicidal thought anymore which  i'm very happy with) and it will go away pretty fast.
It also pretty much removed any sexual desires i don't get the urge to masturbate anymore and even erections have disappeared which is something i'm also happy with.

I will say that when i ordered them i didn't expect such results but i'm happy with it and feel a lot more positive about my future now then before.
Also wondering if others have had such experiences.

I feel very much like yourself. But I needed estradiol to feel really good about myself. To each their own.

You did not mention where you purchased the anti-androgen. So, I will give you an unsolicited opinion. See your doctor or other healthcare provider, if possible, for their consent. There are unwanted side effects.

Yeah, it's quite perilous to mess with the endocrine system without professional monitoring. I would at least try to also take a low dose of estrogen via patch is safest.

It's wonderful indeed, a lot less wrath and everything seems to be "better" for a lack of a better word.

But it worries me that you're not under medical supervision, it's very dangerous to be taking stuff without the doctor