Alice, I think everyone starting or going through transition has this happen to them. I call it the "Doubt Monster", that old part of us that questions any change, anything we do that alters our routine, appearence, anything we try to do. At first, it seems to rise up constantly, but as we settle into a new routine, HRT, transition, any changes really, it slowly quiets down, rising up less often, not as loud, more easily defeated.
When the doubts come up, try and remember why you are changing things. Recall how you felt before you changed something, and how that change improved your life, or your state of mind.
Giving up that change would put you back in that old life, that old state of mind, and worse, you would know how much better things were when you changed them, and that you had given up that improvement.
Living 'in the closet' is really hard once you get a taste of freedom to be yourself. Switching back and forth between male and female presentation is even worse. I can't really give you much advice on this, because it was really hard on me, and I came out as a result, initially to my wife and daughter that lived with us, then a few months later to the whole family. Divorce followed a few months later.
