I have recently accepted my true self, my desire to be a woman. My depression has gotten better. But I can't figure out why I should be happy about realizing I am in the wrong body. If I transition, I will lose friendships and my marriage will likely end. I worry about the relationships that will change with my three children who are all in their twenties. Not all of them will necessarily understand. So emotionally I am in a better place realizing who I am, but why should I be happy about being like this. It will ruin a lot in my life that is important to me. It is like a bad trick of nature.

Simple: The alternative is much worse. You'll be sad, depressed "man" who can't stop thinking about the life she's never lived, the chance she wasn't brave enough to take.

Yes, you might lose your friends, family or job. But in turn, you'll have sought yourself and faced your fears. There are no do-overs in life.

It is not something most transgender people are happy about. It is something that just happens and we have to accept it. Unfortunately for some of us transitioning is not a choice and we bare the consequence of losing friends family and more in order to survive.

I also felt like a bad trick is being played on me by God, Well a lot of people get crap to deal with in their life cancer and disabilities plaque the world. It is just the cards you have been dealt with in life and the best we can do to live with it.
I too lost my wife and some family and friends too being transgender and living out who I feel I must be. But it is what we have to do to survive sometimes.

But in the process I gained a lot also that I tend to overlook I made friends that I would have never made as male and met someone that I would have never met to spend my life with that is good for me.

I think you can experience joy from the realization and resulting actions, even though those come at a loss and sometimes a pretty high price beyond that. Just the acts of aligning yourself to your real self and then getting rid of any bad mental effects of the misalignment is pretty freeing.

This doesn't mean there won't be other problems or it will perfectly eliminate all of the old issues, but there is happiness out there.

Unfortunately there is nothing more important in our lives than ourselves.
If there was maybe we could get by without ever dealing with this, but there isn't.
If we are not truly happy with ourselves how can we truly ever be happy with anyone or anything else in our lives?

It's a great first step to being truly happy, and you can already feel your depression lifting.
Happy for you

It's a rebirth.  Birth is always painful.

If you dwell too much on the negative, and on the past, you might just miss the amazing journey that awaits you.

I am a spouse of a non transitioned Transgender MtF. I am trying to be so supportive of him (he prefers his male pronouns). We just started seeing a gender therapist on Tuesday. I have to say I have had a lot of ups and downs with this. Reading your post brought me to tears because for one, I can't imagine my life with out my husband. I am talking about him as a person but I'm also referring to how I can't imagine my life without him as my HUSBAND.... it's very difficult to come to terms with actually. For him as well. I too am scared of loosing friends and family. I'm scared about what it could do to our 13 year old daughter also. Right now my husband and I talk about his desires and wishes, I allow him to dress anytime he wants when we are home alone. I also let him experience feeling womanly during our intimate times. But I really want to hold on to my HUSBAND. I try to tell myself that I would never leave him if he went full time as a woman but I'm not 100% about that. I think I would feel like I'm giving up my life as a heterosexual woman and putting her in the closet for my husband to come out of the closet.

I can totally understand how you would wonder why you should be happy about this realization. It's scary and no one wants to loose anyone they love. I feel for you. You never know. They may accept you for you. I'm not sure if my husband is willing to give up his whole life as he has known it to be after 42 years. But everyone is on a different spectrum of being Trans. Good luck to you. I'll be thinking of you ❤.

Quote from: Amoré on March 30, 2017, 09:24:33 AM
I also felt like a bad trick is being played on me by God, Well a lot of people get crap to deal with in their life cancer and disabilities plaque the world. It is just the cards you have been dealt with in life and the best we can do to live with it.

Wow, this is exactly how I felt throughout my life...I'm not a religious person, but I believe in "some" higher power that played a trick.  It felt like this was a way of balancing out all the positive things that worked out so well for me.

So many of us go through our lives sacrificing our happiness and core fulfillment for those around us.  When we get to a point where we NEED to do something so important for ourselves we feel like we are being overly selfish and hurtful to those that we protected.

Be 100% truthful to yourself and those around you.  After you come to terms with your needs, let your family understand how you have been hurting and this is vitally important to your mental (and possibly physical) health.  Would they rather have a hollow (possibly deceased) man/husband/father or a happy/healthy/fulfilled woman in their life?

You're not happy that your gender doesn't match your sex, you're happy to express your true self, finally.

I think my relationship fell apart ironically because I wasn't transitioning, that I was constantly being affected by the depression, and other factors of living in a closet that's too small. The woman in question was pretty liberal, and open to things sexually, so I doubt it would have been a problem for her, heck even if it was a problem she would've loved to become best friends instead.

I'm incredibly happy about this most days. I'm still in a bit of shock that most trans people online aren't as happy as I am. I seem to have a different take on this than most, though. Before coming here, I mostly just lived my life as if I were a woman, and didn't worry that much that I came off more as a metrosexual or feminine gay guy than trans woman. I still don't really, and question why I would need to transition much farther than that.

For me, facial hair and body hair must be gone, and head hair must be longish for me to feel like a woman. That's it really, and I just love the look and feel of women's clothes also, so that's what I mostly wear. I also usually wear light makeup and earrings. I still come off as a feminine guy to most people, and so what.

If you choose to look at being trans as a bad thing that happened to you, it is difficult to be happy about it. Am I really the only one with an attitude towards being trans like this?

I'll not lie, there are parts of transition, especially in the beginning, that really suck.  The potentially bad reactions of family and friends are high on that list.

But I found lots of things to be joyful about.  For one thing, I narrowly averted spending my remaining years in a dreary existence as  someone else's idea of who I should be.  I have been clanking around in a suit of emotional armour all my life.  I was happy to take it off after all these years.  I am happy to be able to go forward now as myself. 

I am happy for the reaction of my wife.  For all my fears about how badly she would take the news, she really came through for me.  Talk about testing her committment to me!  She is my biggest supported, and we are closer than we ever were before.  Happy doesn't begin to describe how I feel about this.

I am happy too at all the support I find from the people around me.  I have been coming out to selected people for months now, and I have not had a single bad reaction.  Everyone has been enthusiastically supportive, even total strangers, like the hairdresser today when I was wig shopping. 

Mostly, I am happy to be myself.  I spent yesterday in the city as Kathy.  No worries about running into someone I know, no worries about whether I got clocked or not.  Just me being me, window shopping, going to a coffee shop, chilling with some friends.  The freedom was amazing. 

And I couldn't have had that experience without plunging through the sucky parts.

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on March 30, 2017, 01:32:58 PM
I'm incredibly happy about this most days. I'm still in a bit of shock that most trans people online aren't as happy as I am. I seem to have a different take on this than most, though. Before coming here, I mostly just lived my life as if I were a woman, and didn't worry that much that I came off more as a metrosexual or feminine gay guy than trans woman. I still don't really, and question why I would need to transition much farther than that.

For me, facial hair and body hair must be gone, and head hair must be longish for me to feel like a woman. That's it really, and I just love the look and feel of women's clothes also, so that's what I mostly wear. I also usually wear light makeup and earrings. I still come off as a feminine guy to most people, and so what.

If you choose to look at being trans as a bad thing that happened to you, it is difficult to be happy about it. Am I really the only one with an attitude towards being trans like this?

I'm on board with feeling that way. I'm glad that I'm transgender, and  surprised that so many see it as a negative. We're traditionally revered by societies because of our unique condition, and  that is how I view myself: unique. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Don't transition if you don't have to.
It can be a brutally hard path and many don't make it. You could lose everything.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 30, 2017, 02:06:47 PM
I'm on board with feeling that way. I'm glad that I'm transgender, and  surprised that so many see it as a negative. We're traditionally revered by societies because of our unique condition, and  that is how I view myself: unique. 

Hugs, Devlyn

There's a huge difference between coming to terms with it, accepting it and pushing forward, than being "glad" that you're transgender.  Would you rather be transgender than a CIS-woman, or is that not "unique" enough?  Do you enjoy going through an awkward stage during transition, being somewhat of a social outcast and having a mind and body that don't match from birth?  I can't imagine too many trans folks on here that believe this is a blessing compared to being born, raised and have lived completely as their identified gender.  This is not a life that I would wish upon anyone....being confused, depressed, angry and constantly considering what could have been if things aligned properly.   Am I happy that I've started my journey to matching what I've always felt inside with the outside and living the rest of my days authentically?  Absolutely! .....would I have traded being Trans for being a CIS-female and experiencing my entire life as a girl/woman.....in half a heart beat.

Glad? Happy? about being Trans...nope not me

Nope can't say I feel that way...but I am who I am and now that I understand myself I am much happier and the only real grief in my life comes from outside influences. Other people make me feel bad about myself...I am perfectly happy being me but am I "glad" or "happy" about being born Trans? No I would sooner have been born cis and forgone the crap shoot that being trans can be.

Liz

Quote from: staciM on March 30, 2017, 04:22:00 PM

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 30, 2017, 02:06:47 PM
I'm on board with feeling that way. I'm glad that I'm transgender, and  surprised that so many see it as a negative. We're traditionally revered by societies because of our unique condition, and  that is how I view myself: unique. 

Hugs, Devlyn

There's a huge difference between coming to terms with it, accepting it and pushing forward, than being "glad" that you're transgender.  Would you rather be transgender than a CIS-woman, or is that not "unique" enough?

I'd rather be transgender. I'm not a woman, I'm genderfluid.

QuoteDo you enjoy going through an awkward stage during transition

I didn't. Others may have found me awkward, but that isn't my problem. 

Quotebeing somewhat of a social outcast and having a mind and body that don't match from birth?

People love me, I don't recall any social outcast days. I discovered that I was transgender about ten years ago now.

I feel as though you're trying to discount my experiences because they don't match what others have experienced.  There is no One Right Way to be transgender. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: ElizabethK on March 30, 2017, 04:45:07 PM
Glad? Happy? about being Trans...nope not me

Nope can't say I feel that way...but I am who I am and now that I understand myself I am much happier and the only real grief in my life comes from outside influences. Other people make me feel bad about myself...I am perfectly happy being me but am I "glad" or "happy" about being born Trans? No I would sooner have been born cis and forgone the crap shoot that being trans can be.

Liz

yup.....what Liz has expressed. Pretty much nails it.

Devlyn, I'm certainly not discounting your thoughts being gender fluid but I think you can agree that it is quite a lot different of an experience than being transexual.  This is probably why you may feel glad/happy with being transgender and are surprised by others negativity.   Yes, we are all technically by definition "transgender", but crossdressers vs gender fluid vs two spirited vs intersex vs Transexual vs whatever can be completely unique in how they feel about their "condition" (for the sake of a better word).  I'll assume (apologies if I misspeak) that because you are gender fluid you more comfortable in your body, however you express your gender.  However, we (binary) transexuals have a direct and "simple" misalignment of mind and body and as a result there is severe torment until the two can be brought closer together.  Based on this, I can't imagine transexuals ever being happy being born transgender.....honestly, it's hell.

 

Yes, I am comfortable with my body, I should have included that in my  reply.

As to the transgender/ transsexual distinction, we ARE in Transgender Talk. I may not have replied at all if the  topic was in Transsexual Talk and the target audience was limited to transsexuals. Given the location, I didn't think my comment was out of  line. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 30, 2017, 07:43:06 PM
Yes, I am comfortable with my body, I should have included that in my  reply.

As to the transgender/ transsexual distinction, we ARE in Transgender Talk. I may not have replied at all if the  topic was in Transsexual Talk and the target audience was limited to transsexuals. Given the location, I didn't think my comment was out of  line. 

Hugs, Devlyn

I agree, it's not out of line....but in this instance, regardless of how the thread was classified, I believe the distinction is important to dissect the core question(s) in the topic.