I have to transition.  Not transitioning means suffering painful, debilitating panic attacks for the rest of my life, and after eleven years of panic attacks I had really run out of alternatives.

But here is a thought:  Today I found out something about a guy I have been working with for the past eight months.  This guy is about 15 years younger than me, and has a beautiful wife and two small children.  He also has an inoperable brain tumor.  The doctors already got as much of it as they could, and he has an implanted chemo pump attacking the rest of it.

So, there are worse things than this. 

Quote from: staciM on March 30, 2017, 07:57:27 PM
I agree, it's not out of line....but in this instance, regardless of how the thread was classified, I believe the distinction is important to dissect the core question(s) in the topic.

I feel  compelled to  point out that I was replying to VeronicaLynn as a sidebar. I was not addressing the O/P's question directly.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 30, 2017, 05:20:34 PM


I'd rather be transgender. I'm not a woman, I'm genderfluid.

Honestly I thought you were full out woman and not genderfluid for some reason. Still, you do make a pretty woman !

I am overjoyed to have my depression lift from accepting my true self, but I am with StaciM. I would chose to be cisgender in a heart beat. If I decide to transition, I face the prospect of potentially losing family and dear friends and potentially feeling alone. If you think I should feel happy about that prospect think again! It sucks!

Honestly I fail to see why I should be happy about what I am when it has caused me so much misery.  Instead I am happy with what I am able to become.  I am able to become what I have always been inside.  If I could have been born a cis girl, I would happily switch.

For me, being transsexual has been a millstone around my neck for my entire life and I just want to be what I always should have been.  I don't want congratulations, I don't want to be lauded for it, I just want to be me.  I've nearly died several times because of it, nearly been crippled while running from it, and lived a life of misery because of it.  Will transition bring me happiness?  Honestly merely accepting it and formulating a plan of action already has.  I am happier and more upbeat than I have ever been, I am more at peace, and the relationship with my girlfriend is blossoming in ways I never imagined possible.  This condition has been my lifelong curse, but she is such a blessing I cannot put it into words.  Not having to lie every day to the one closest to me is wonderful.

People like Delvyn can have more fun with this, and honestly I think they should.  The genderfluid folks definitely need the ability to not care quite so much about what others think, or just plain enjoy confusing the occasional ignorant person.  If you are genderfluid, have a sense of humor about yourself, and enjoy causing a little chaos now and again, I think you're in a perfect place.  That said, I imagine you'd need pretty thick skin to manage in that life.  I've done some pretty stupid(some say heroic) stuff, but I don't know if I'd be able to hack it as genderfluid even if it suited me.  Hats off to you folks, you definitely have my respect.

I guess it just didn't cause me nearly as much misery as some.  People called me names, and I would call them other names back. If they hit me, I'll hit them back harder. I knew from a young age things would be much easier if I had just been born with a girl's body, but I don't think it was all that bad being in this one. I was always a rather feminine though, maybe the fact that I was never really able to come off as a masculine guy, was actually a good thing. I tried pretty hard to so the last few years of college and when I first got out into the real world, thinking it would help in my career and dating life but it didn't really work. People always saw through it. People liked me more how I was before I tried that.

I didn't mean to imply you should be happy to lose family and friends. I don't think someone who doesn't accept me if they find out I'm trans is really my friend. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Family is a lot more complicated, and I don't think mine will be accepting, so I simply distanced myself from mine as much as possible. I never married and don't have kids though, so it was much easier for me to do this.

It is nice to find someone else that is glad they are transgender, Devlyn. I labeled myself genderfluid too up until recently.  I moved away from the genderfluid label because I don't really ever want to present as a cishet guy anymore, and it messes with my head if I think too much about if I'm feeling more masculine or feminine at any given moment. I just always feel I'm transgender.

Quote from: karenk1959 on March 30, 2017, 08:20:01 PM
I am overjoyed to have my depression lift from accepting my true self, but I am with StaciM. I would chose to be cisgender in a heart beat. If I decide to transition, I face the prospect of potentially losing family and dear friends and potentially feeling alone. If you think I should feel happy about that prospect think again! It sucks!

But you can't be cis. You never will be. So what other options do you have? Lying to yourself and to your 'dear' friends? If you're so afraid about losing them that you need to tell them a constant lie; perhaps they're not really friends?

Sometimes life sucks girl, and you're the one who's got to deal with it. You can keep talking about it, but in the end you're the one who's going to have to make it work. This whole thing has taugth me one thing: to stop complaining about the things you can't change, and to start working on the things you can.

So be brave, take a deep breath and go for it.

Sometimes it is all about what you focus on and your choices of who you hang out with etc. I know from experience depression and anxiety can be part of all of this. Many of us go to therapists to deal with the negative aspects of both GD and then adapting while in transition, as the GD goes away. Not all trans people have GD to deal with.

On many levels i am fortunate. I've looked at life from both sides now, as the song that Joni Mitchell sang tells us.

One of the biggest keys to all of this in my mind is not be isolated and have as many people around you that support you and like your company as possible. People are not meant to be alone very much. That takes work to get out there though. Another thing this gives you is an inflection point to consider the rest of your health, things like activity, weight, diet, etc.

1. I'm a transexual.
2. I'm glad I'm transgender. At this point I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. I think that #transisbeautiful.

Actually, as odd as this sounds, in recent weeks I have decided that I am happy to be transgender.   It's not a choice I made, but simply an acknowledgment that this is what I am, what reflects my nature, and a reasonable adjective to describe one aspect of me.

A variety of less reasonable adjectives had been used to describe me growing up, ones with a severe stigma attached, that did not accurately reflect me, but rather the broad assumptions others made about me based on their misinformation and misinterpretations.  Those adjectives are definitely not me.

I understand what being transgender really means, what my nature really is, and I know that this has opened up possibilities in my life that were denied to my by those older less reasonable adjectives.  I've examined those possibilities and have chosen a path forward for my life that has made me happier and more at peace with myself than I had been for decades.

Being transgender means I can finally, at last have joy in my life.  Why would I not be happy about this?

I agree, this feels very much like a cruel trick of nature. I would give anything to be cis gender. Male or female, it doesn't matter as long as my brain and body match. I would prefer cis male because if I was female I never would have met my wife.

I have also recently accepted being trans and my depression has eased but I am certainly not happy about it. I have even reached the point of starting HRT and have an appointment with an endocrinologist in late May. Not because I want to but because I don't think I am left with a choice.

To me being trans is like a cancer. I did not ask for it, I do not want it, it is turning my life upside down. All I can do is accept it and take whatever steps necessary to ease my mental torment. I am certainly not happy about it, it's just the crappy hand I've been dealt. But as others have said, there is always somebody out there that has been dealt a worse hand, so I just need to do the best with what I have.

I envy the people who are happy being trans. That is the right fit for them. The right fit for me would have been to be cis.

No point getting too worked up over something that is not my fault and cannot be changed. Just try and accept and move on and try and find happiness with what we have.

I hope you find some peace.

Jessie

There is no point in trying to convince yourself to be happy about being trans. You simply are who you are. Once you understand and accept who you are you can find some level of inner peace with yourself. Finding that, is what you can feel happy about.

Not everyone needs to transition. Maybe you don't. Only you can figure that out. For me, I have known who I was since I was four. I also learned really early that it was not ok for me to play with girls toys with my cousin or even jump rope with the girls in school. I learned what was allowed by society of the day and what was not. I then spent the next 36 years actively and angrily avoiding anything seen as feminine around anyone else. I'm certainly not happy I was born this way but I so wish the information was out there when I was younger. Looking back I see so many miserable years of my life wasted. Now I see hope. I feel so much better. It is scary no doubt. There is so much prejudice out there still. Just being feminine as a distinctually male body right now brings unwelcome attention. It's hard but for the first time in life I'm being real.

You all sound very brave.
Yes, I get what you mean..transition or suffer worse consequences.
As a partial transmale, I've not had to physically transition, thanks to a Thai herb that seems to ease dysphoria. but I found I must acknowledge it to people close to me, and allow myself to dress androgynously to avoid offending my male side.
One can transition just far as it takes to ease dysphoria, and leave it at that.

Quote from: Jessie007 on April 01, 2017, 12:05:16 AM
I agree, this feels very much like a cruel trick of nature. I would give anything to be cis gender. Male or female, it doesn't matter as long as my brain and body match...

...To me being trans is like a cancer. I did not ask for it, I do not want it, it is turning my life upside down. All I can do is accept it and take whatever steps necessary to ease my mental torment. I am certainly not happy about it, it's just the crappy hand I've been dealt. But as others have said, there is always somebody out there that has been dealt a worse hand, so I just need to do the best with what I have.

This is pretty much how I see it too. Life would certainly be easier if I'd been born cis (male or female), but it's just the way it is.

Quote from: josie76 on April 01, 2017, 05:22:26 AM
There is no point in trying to convince yourself to be happy about being trans. You simply are who you are. Once you understand and accept who you are you can find some level of inner peace with yourself. Finding that, is what you can feel happy about.

Josie your comment here pretty much sums up how I feel about it. In my earlier response I struggled to convey what you have said....Self acceptance is just so important because without it, I would never get out the door in the morning.

Liz

I can't even imagine what you are going through.

One thing I have always done, and HAD to do to survive, was to focus on things I love to do; on hobbies, obsessions, whatever excited me.

If you love to read, read. If you love to hike, hike. If you love to build things, do that. If you love to travel, do that.
I realize that US cismen are typically controlled by their women..only allowed to go to work, and must spend all their spare time and money on their wives if they want to keep their relationships. So your girlfriend might not be happy if you start pursuing hobbies, since she likely expects only typical cismale behavior.

It has been a long journey for me and it has sometimes been really hard. Last five years has been worst. Like many of you I came to that point that the only possible way is to start transition. It's about surviving in a way. If any other way could ease the pain I would choose that way. It would be so much easier in all other aspects of life.

I believe it's important to be honest to you self and realize what you are and what options you have. Don't rush into things. You have time to make your choices.
/Johanna

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