I have been confused most of my life. I felt girlish when dressed. I felt depressed when I was not. But at no time did I ever feel gay. I sympathize with the gay persons plight as everyone should live their lives however they want and what one does in the bedroom is their business. But I found out I was not alone with my questioning nature and so many of our stories start out "I knew from an early age" But I at the age of 22 began trying to prove I was given boy parts for a reason, as a result I have two wonderful children and a wife that while I have presented her a lot of disappointment over the last 35 years, has stood by me and still professes her love for me.  To me my transgender status did not occur based on sex acts. Nor do I believe an over the top portrayal matches my desire to connect with half the human race. I love women. I want to be one. I have always wanted to be one. If I could wake up tomorrow and walk the walk, talk the talk, have babies, have female sensibilities that presently reside in the back of my mind.  Many  of  us are satisfied in our relationships and do not want to lose wives and family. My question is. Do you feel less a female because you want to continue your marriages and look to your wife to adapt. I have all the traits my wife say's she loves me for. Humor, compassion, dedication, sense of family and it has not changed in 35 years. I am blessed more than most. I have gotten comfortable with her. It beats always arguing, questioning each others motives, suspicion as I had in my first marriage. But, I would leave in a moment if I felt it was too much of a burden for her. Of the twenty or so family and friends I have revealed my secret to, have been supportive. As I witness the changes in my body after 7 months of HRT, I have no regrets. For the first time ever. my thoughts and emotions are under control.  I seldom feel depressed anymore. Instead I feel optimism that my final years will be celebrating what has been repressed for so long. 

Thanks for being there for me. I appreciate all of you.

<3   Dawn

Exclusiviley gay never? but i do recall claiming to be Bi in the senenth grade, got teased a bit for it for like a day (I think thye think i was joking) and dropped it. But yes, i spent lots of time beeliving I am just bi, or thinking that was the case

I have long known myself as queer and trans but didn't always use those labels.  I sought counseling in SF in the early 80s when I clearly knew I felt like no man at all and had already been intimate with other men.  The therapist suggested i was gay but I knew that was not the full story.  Transgender was not on his radar apparently?

Dawn I feel similar to you in knowing that if I had a magic wand I would have become a cisgender woman long ago.  We also know that being trans is relatively separate and distinct from our gender identity.  All kinds of women love other women and the majority seem to couple readily with men.  I feel lucky enough to have a sexual orientation that dosen't exclude anyone on the basis of their private parts.

I will say that being with a man did allow me to feel very girly even if they only saw me as a guy back then.

Never.  I have always thought men were gross and never had any interest in them.  The only reason I went along with being one was to avoid getting teased or bullied.  I have heard people say their attractions change after a while on HRT.  Personally I can't see that happening to me.  I can't think of anything that would remove that 'men are gross' feeling.

I don't feel any less female because I want to stay in my relationship.  I guess that makes me a lesbian.  I am fine with that.  My wife thinks it is a bit weird to become a lesbian through no choice of her own, but she is okay with it.  Those are just labels.  I think both of us are attracted to each other as individuals rather than as genders.

I find it interesting to contemplate the difference in my mind between the question "Am I gay?" and "Am I trans?".  I have had both questions pop up in my mind on my past.  I answered both with "no".  But in the case of "Am I gay?", the "no" stuck.  That was the right answer, and I never needed to ask myself the question again.  In the case of "Am I trans?", I kept on asking myself the question over and over again, always answering "no".  Had I been analysing the pattern, I should have figured out that the question kept coming up because I hadn't yet got the right answer.

Never fancied men as above Dawn but my wife could not take it but after 10years of cold shoulder I am not missing her although I wish we could have stayed together. Yes I like women and suppose I am lesbian butwho knows what HRT will do, Thing is if you have the working bits after srs don't you want to see what it like?

I always avoided thinking of men in any kind of sexual manner.
I always knew gay was rong in my house so i new not to let my mind wander.
I probably am somewhat interested in them but I have never confronted them in anyway.
Men scare me, probably gain this fear from judging them of my father :/

  I have never felt as though I was gay. I have always been exclusively heterosexual. I will admit that at times during sex with my then wife or while dressed as a woman I have frequently fantasized about having sex with a man. I do wonder even now what it would be like. I have never done anything like it not do I plan to.
  So I have to answer "No" to that question still. Though in all honesty I probably would try it if the opportunity ever arose.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

I guess I'm not sure what you mean or what you are asking.

For the first 50 years I was attracted to women and only women and that's still the case today.  I've been transitioning for about a year and I'm still attracted to women.  Does that make me a lesbian - yes.  I've never had attraction towards men and I don't see that changing.  I love women so much, I wanted to be one.

As for not being able to have babies... oh well.  I'm 55 and don't really want one at this point in my life.  Did I miss out?  Maybe.

Would I take the magic pill and change today - YES.
Would I have taken the magic pill when I was 5 - YES.
But I'm glad I didn't.  I have two lovely kids and a 1/2 century of mostly positive experiences.

I understand that for some of us here, living as the wrong gender is a living HELL.  For me it was an annoyance that became uncontrollable.

Yes, I probably am.  However, I will never violate my marriage vows so it's moot.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

Women have always held my attraction, and it's always felt natural and comfortable - even now, when I have a much better idea of who I am, it is still my inclination. I've always been uncomfortable with facial hair, how men behave, and how men smell, and oddly enough always had gay friends (some of whom have tried in the past), who have tried but you know 'ugh' men.

Who I'm attracted to isn't driven by my being feminine - I need the story, I need my mind to be engaged, I'm not looking for a transaction, I'm looking for engagement, connection and interaction. I need to feel wanted, desired, and desirable. Most of all I need to be sure that my partner 'has my back', rather than throwing me to the wolves...and not smell/have a beard, or behave like baboons.

If I transitioned, I doubt much if any of this will change, except I would have a label that will be socially understood, that flies under the banner of gay, (cliche statement), I just wish I had worked out my gender issues as quickly as I had my orientation, but then I wouldn't probably have met my partner, and I love her dearly.

Rowan

Thought I was gay then realised I was bi. When I've had noodles I want rice next time

Quote from: davina61 on April 05, 2017, 03:39:08 PM
Never fancied men as above Dawn but my wife could not take it but after 10years of cold shoulder I am not missing her although I wish we could have stayed together. Yes I like women and suppose I am lesbian butwho knows what HRT will do, Thing is if you have the working bits after srs don't you want to see what it like?

Did I mention I have not had traditional sex in the last 25 years? Sex has been relegated to touching and feeling more than the wham bang thank you mam of the past. My first wife was a nympho, while we were dating we had sex every time we met. On the console of my Dodge. We only met up two or three days a week. After marriage and I was there every day, I could not bring myself to sex in bed every night it just did not present the same thrill as being caught under the police helicopters bazillion watt spot light. My therapist posed that is was my underlying questioning of my sexuality and after I thought about it, it began to make sense. I hated my boy parts. They were unlike any others that I observed. I have heard the cruel comments and it brought the feeling of being different home. Misti the therapist says I used this confusion as a wedge issue to push my love out of my life. Again it made sense. When we separated before divorce I was dressing every night. I really didn't marry my current wife of love. My apartment had been damaged during a fire and we were forced to move. Jo said she would look for a place and I said ok. I felt comfort because there were no sexual demands placed on me. Jo found out early on that I was crossdressing and she never really questioned it. Until I mentioned it again about a year ago.  However I never really made friends or associates of guys. At parties I would migrate to the women as they were much more fascinating. There is only so much ground to cover with sports, sex and cars before one loses interest. If I had started early enough to merit the FFS and GCS surgeries then perhaps changing sexual partner preference may have been a viable option.

I was always bisexual, but never thought much of it growing up.

However there was always a greater attraction to men. I still don't know why it should be weighted more in favor of them, and not 50/50, but I suspect it has something to do with the way men tend to idolize and emulate other men as well. I've heard this from cis gay friends of mine too. It makes for a strange combination to feel that set of feelings at once. I have to admit I'm generally much more comfortable around men for some reason as well.

I can see how that might make someone feel less manly (in the opposite scenario to yours) if they end up in a relationship with a rather bigger, masculine man than themselves. Dynamics and all that. I've involved myself with men both physically larger, and smaller than myself. It does make a difference, in some ways... but in my view if you love them you love them; when I love somebody I like everything about them, whether they're bigger or smaller than me, whether they can do more or less than me. I find ways around the particular issues my brain might have with that.

I've questioned my sexuality since early in my teen years but for the longest time identified as a straight male and just attributed it to curiosity. I experimented a little bit in college but I was attached to my current wife for most of my university career so never  had much opportunity. I've never been romantically interested or had a crush on a man, but I've definitely experienced sexual attraction & desire. At this point I consider myself solidly pansexual (it's about the hearts not the parts). I'm also convinced that much of my early questioning had to do with suppressing & denying being trans.

No, I'm definitely not gay. I have always been into women and, while discovering this trans stuff has opened my eyes to men and I discovered that I'd sleep with a few of them, that's far away from me being gay. Kinsey scale 1.

No, but lots of people thought I was. Though I guess since I'm MtF and planning on sticking with my girlfriend, they weren't exactly wrong.

I did fool around with guys but never did anything beyond sexual encounters.  It was fun but a romantic relationship with a guy never really appealed all that much, but that might have been a personal hangup on being visibly gay or something.

I came out as bisexual in 1994.  I soon found out that to the straight world that is a distinction without a difference. So it just became easier after a while to tell people I was gay.  Although, because I was hiding the whole I want to be a woman thing,  I never fit in with the gay community all that well either.  I always ended up wanting something more. 
I did have the experience about a month ago of flirting with a guy who was around my age.  Although he wasn't really my type (unlike most women I'm not really attracted to big macho men), I gotta say it was fun.

It's complicated. I identify as a heterosexual female.
When I was married it felt like I was in a lesbian relationship. I knew I wasn't gay, I've never felt the desire for same sex partner. 

I strongly prefer guys and am transitioning to male, so I guess that technically makes me gay.  I don't really think I feel gay, though--although I admit I'm not too sure I know what gay would feel like.  Maybe I don't identify with gay men because I haven't had to put up with the discrimination cis gay men have to live with.  That's an experience they share that I've never had. 

A very interesting question.
When I was younger and not on HRT I was not sexually attracted to men. I was sexually attracted to women.
When I realised I was transsexual and started to take HRT my view of men stared to change. This came as a shock when working in Scotland. I suddenly realised that I was very attracted to a male worker where I was working. I found myself walking around the office block just so that I could look at him.
Now, I openly admit that I am strongly sexually attracted to men and not women. There is no doubt the HRT has had that effect on me.
Does that make gay? I don't think so because my choice of a sexual partner has been determined by the hormones in my body at the time.
Hug,
Bronwen.