So I really don't know where to start so I'm going to start with a background. I'm currently 18, physically male, introverted, and really have a hard time communicating with people in person. I've felt like for several years now that I should be a female. Since I've been 13 I've felt this way but didn't tell anyone till last year. The only people I told were my 2 best friend, one is trans and was president of my local GSA club and the other is the current president. I really can't stand how I feel anymore and want to transition but don't know where to even start. I haven't told my parents because I really don't think they would be that supportive. We do have gay members in the family but I'm still unsure about support. I do have a job that pays around 9.90 after tax and I'm moving out in like a month and a half too. Here's my list of problem I'm having.

1. I really don't know where to start or how to afford transitioning.
2.  I'm really afraid of being judged during transitioning and passing.
3. Coming out to everyone.
4. I still have one more year of high school.
5. There's still stuff I like to do the would be consider more maleish things and not sure if it would be acceptable for me to do. ( I take a shop and engineering class because I like working with my hands. )
6. Like I said before I'm really introverted and I'm really only ok with talking to people over text. I get really stressed out if I talk to a person in person.

If someone can please tell me what I need to be doing I really would appreciate it. I'm just super lost. I'm assuming I would need to find a health insurance to cover me and idk where else to start. Idk how to even do taxes. Sorry for the incovience for whoever answers and thank you for the help. 

I'm not so sure why you are in a hurry to move out of your house.  Consider saving your money and stay home until you graduate from high school.  Transitioning doesn't happen overnight.  It took me a year to go full-time and I feel I rushed it.

Your first stop will be a therapist.  A gender therapist would be best but depending where you live that may be tough to find.

A therapist can help guide you and be an ear for listening.  You might find it difficult to talk to a therapist, as that's definitely one-on-one.  Pretend they are a manickin.  They are not your friend, enemy, or anyone that will judge you.  Whatever you say, they've heard to before.

If the therapist thinks you should transition they will hint at it if not they will steer you away. (Maybe). Typically they are a guide to help you, not a problem solver.  That's up to you with their guidance.

Your high school may have councilors who can help (free!) too.  Consider that as an alternative.

I don't know if you plan on college but starting hormones 9-12 months before college is an ideal time to start. 

Good luck.

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Live at home if you can, and get your parents on board if you can.  Transitioning is expensive like you would not believe, and the older you are, the more it costs.  Even if you have health insurance, unless you have a top of the line plan, just the co-pays for therapy and drugs alone are going to do serious damage to your pocketbook.

If you have an Obamacare bronze plan, you'll be shelling out $5,000.00 per year in co-pays until you meet your deductable, and plotting which services to schedule for late in the year after your deductable is met.

Like others have said, therapy is where to start. As hard as I may be remember therapy can help you find a better life. The path to understanding your self and your feelings is not always easy.

Transition can be found from informed consent but going through therapy is very useful to gain insight into yourself. We all struggle with feelings of non acceptance and standing out in society. With my hair getting raggedy but somewhat longer I get more and more strange looks. On one hand I'm glad to feel some progress but it's still hard emotionally. It's the hope of life at the end of the tunnel that keeps me going. Sometimes I have doubts about full transition. Mainly due to the change it is causing in others lives around me. Sometimes I just wonder if there was some way to stay on E and not change my existence in the world around me, if it would be easier on me and them. E has made such a significant change in my mental state that I cannot imaging going back to how I used to be.

Thank you guys. The reason I'm moving out is because there's nowhere else comfortable for me to be.  My parents are divorced and I currently live at my mom's house. I would move in with my dad but he lives a hour away from my school and work along with I'm just not comfortable around his wife. I rather not be staying with my mom because of the environment at her house. My mom runs a homeless outreach out of her house and it's a environment better suited for extroverts. We also share different views a many things so I was looking to move out. A friend of my sister offered to have me as a room mate for 200$ a month not including utilities so I was planing on doing that.

I agree with you -- a homeless outreach center is a very bad place for an 18 year old MTF transgender, particularly pre transition or in the early stages of transition.

First I would suggest that you locate the nearest LGBT center, as this can be a source of support as well as low cost therapy and medical services, hormones and even free clothing if they have a "glam room."

Join a support group if you can.

Second, go to your state's ACA or Obamacare website, and find out what it will take to get your own health insurance -- or if you currently have insurance through one of your parents, get your insurance card and all your information.

Third, locate a therapist and begin therapy.  Even if you start HRT through informed consent, a therapist is still a good thing to have around for when you are feeling low or having doubts.  That goes double for a support group.

Ok thank you a lot. I do have insurence through my parents but I'm stuck at the dilemma that to use it I would have to come out to them. But even if I get my own I still have to come out to them at some point.

Here's where we start. Welcome to the site. Take a deep breath.

Just admitting it to yourself is pretty tough. Telling your best friends shows a lot of bravery.

I agree with everyone else, that starting with therapy is the best first step. Depending on where you live it may also be a necessary step before you can move further.  I think most of us here have experienced some version of how you "feel terrible like this". It is really hard. Therapists often help. You could try taking a few first steps. Like growing out your hair, or "under dressing" and wearing androgynous clothes. Sometimes that bides a little time.

I am sorry you are afraid of being judged. I think we all are whether trans or not(part of what makes the teen years so hard). However, until you are able to make a full transition you may very well experience judgement. However, look at the kids in school. See how everyone is judged? Sometimes you have to weather the unpleasant stuff to make life better.
Coming out is hard. I have not finished and am not full time yet. I think I know how you feel.

Don't worry about liking some guy stuff. No one is cookie cutter. There is no one right way to be trans. It will be your own individual thing. I like working with my hands too.

Have you thought about college? I am asking because sometimes colleges have services that can help and provide some medical help for transitioning students.

I also wanted to let you know that though you are 18, you could go to our youth talk section as well. Then you might be able to talk to others that are your age as well. We don't mind you here, but it was a long time ago for some of us.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Thank you, I have looked around and the only therapist I can fine that works with trans people cost 60-200$ a session. She does accept a lot of health insurances but to use mine I would have to come out to my parents or at least my dad really. I only make a bit more then 500 every 2 weeks and I will have to spend around 300 for my apartment a month and idk how much for food. That really only leaves me with around 500 a month as extra spending money for like a therapist. I already have a collage in mind and it's a technical collage but I can see if they have anything for trans people. I know my trans friend collage put him in a LGBT dorm which seemed pretty cool.  I didn't know there was a word for it but I've been under dressing for a bit more then a year now. Have crossed dress a few times over the years but only when I was by myself. Ive mainly under dress by wearing women's leggings and underwear under my jeans. I've never upper body under dressed. I've tried on bras but I really need to lose weight because it doesn't even look ok. I'm around 180lbs right now and working on changing that. Thank you again.


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Content of therapy sessions is confidential, you wouldn't have to come out, but saying you want therapy for any reason is pretty tough too...

Ya but wouldn't me asking for a specific therapist be weird. Idk who he goes to but my mom has one of my adopted brothers seeing a therapist and she would probably have me go to them.


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I'm just going to put this out there because idk how much will be talked about later. Every single one of my siblings has either seen a therapist, gotten meds for mental reason, or been in a mental hospital besides for me. So i know it won't be odd for me to ask for one but i know from all of that, that my parents will be asking why I need one. My mom wouldn't let my sister see a therapist without knowing the reason so my sister had to go to my dad. Slightly off topic but idk if I could even pass, like I said I'm 180 lbs, I also am 5,8, and have bold shoulders. Also in general I look terrible. Like i know I'll need facial surgery. 


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Quote from: Veryconfusedperson on April 13, 2017, 01:10:05 AM
I'm just going to put this out there because idk how much will be talked about later. Every single one of my siblings has either seen a therapist, gotten meds for mental reason, or been in a mental hospital besides for me. So i know it won't be odd for me to ask for one but i know from all of that, that my parents will be asking why I need one. My mom wouldn't let my sister see a therapist without knowing the reason so my sister had to go to my dad. Slightly off topic but idk if I could even pass, like I said I'm 180 lbs, I also am 5,8, and have bold shoulders. Also in general I look terrible. Like i know I'll need facial surgery. 


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I went the opposite direction of you (born female, transitioned into a male). I'm commenting because your 'starter' height/weight stats are pretty much exactly where I was at before starting HRT, including the broader-than-usual shoulders.
Much to my chagrin, I still got read as female those days. What I'm trying to say is that the dimensions you stated aren't anywhere outside of the norm and really don't sound like much of a detriment (like starting out at 6'7" or being built like Khal Drogo).

Ok, thank you, this really boost my confidence in transitioning 


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It could prompt them to look into that therapist's specialties to see why you want that particular one, since you're 18 I was operating on the assumption you'd pick one and go alone, every family is different I guess. In that case you could try talking to the same therapist your brother sees, even if they don't specialize in transgender issues they may have some experience there anyway, obviously take them with a grain of salt, if they immediately try to steer you away from trans something is up, since they can't really make that judgement so easily. That said it's really important that you're comfortable enough with the therapist to talk about these kinds of deeply personal issues, and it sounds like you're not completely comfortable with that one... Most of the value of a therapist is what you say to them, not the other way around.

As for the reason, pick a half truth, maybe you're bullied at school, have anxiety, depression, etc. Being trans almost always comes with another issue or two.

There was a whole paragraph here about how women come in all shapes and sizes, but that point was pretty well taken care of by stone.
Just know that hormones will change your appearance a lot if you're going to use them, you can't really tell how you'll look in two years based on now...

One of the medications I started on, Spironolactone, is prescribed for hypertension.  One of the side effects is blocking testosterone from doing "bad" things to your body.  But testing gender dysphoria is listed so far down on the "what is the medicine used for" that it took me a while even find it listed.

The estrogen is a little tougher to explain but I was on Spiro for months before starting E.

If your siblings have been to therapy follow their steps.  Tell your mom your stressed out and need an impartial therapist to work through it.

Best wishes.

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So this is off topic but I kind of really need help. So for the last couple of month I've kinda like my best friend more then a best friend. A week ago while half asleep and not feeling ok I kinda told her. Now we aren't really friends and it's awkward to talk to each other. Anything I can do to get them back as a friend?


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You'll never get all those worms back in the can, without further information there isn't much good advice other than give her time to process that and decide how she feels about it.

Ok


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When you move out, your income does qualify to go under Medicaid so that you can go to therapy on your own without having to worry about your parents for now. You have the advantage as well of not having to worry about co-pays in most situations with low income adult Medicaid.

http://www.transequality.org/issues/resources/map-state-health-insurance-rules - Here's a link to a map that gives which states forbid trans exclusion in health insurance plans. Hopefully you live in one, otherwise it may be a little tricky to find a plan that includes transgender healthcare. It's also possible that if you go to college, college healthcare plans can have clauses in them for transgender coverage.

https://www.susans.org/links/Healthcare/
http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender-therapists

Here's a couple links on both Susan's and Laura's that have gender therapist information. Once you have your health insurance straightened out, you can search a therapist that can help you work through things towards starting transition.

It's totally okay to be interested in and involved in activities that may be male dominated. There's always people from both genders that go and do things in the other's court. It doesn't define who we are. I have a friend that will be working in nuclear engineering and she's in a male dominated space and it doesn't stop her.

Most importantly, with these steps and what others have suggested, one step at a time. Things will fall into place over time. I remember being in your position and the confusion as to what I needed to do. It will come to pass. Continue to be involved here on the forums, and you will find more and more resources and contacts that will help you through this process. You're not alone.