I recently saw my therapist and she made an interesting point. I am 58 and just recently came out as a TG woman. I had desires to be a girl as a kid that became repressed. I don't know if my parents sensed it. Good chance they did. Ideally, I would have wanted to be treated and dress like a girl until I finally transitioned. But, there was little discussed about TG and our society was much less progressive 50 years ago. Even though my parents should have been more sensitive because squashing my identity was self-serving, they didn't know about or accept TG.

Today, society is more progressive and we all have more freedom to explore ourselves and express who we are, so it fosters self-discovery and so many of us are discovering that we are TG. She said she noticed that so many more of her patients are "older" and are just coming out and there are certainly many of us on this website. I think there are even more out there that have yet to discover their true gender identity and that the number of TG is significantly underestimated. I wish I was a kid today. I would be living as that little girl I was supposed to be!

I think you just answered your own question. 2017 is far more progressive with transgender topics then  2007 let alone 1967. You and many other ladies (and gents) had to go into hiding for your own saftey. But now, the present needs to be opened

Hugs-Ashley

This is my third attempt to transition and deal with my GD...been thwarted on each of the other occasions by circumstances and poor choices...whole different world now...they are not going to throw me into a psychiatric hospital now they were when I was 19...that was the treatment. I was a second year Psychiatric nursing student at the time....makes me shudder thinking about it now

Liz

There may be a several factors at work. 

Times have changed.  The greater visibility and tolerance of trans folks makes it safer to come out than it was years ago.  (In some parts of the world, anyway.)

People mature.  As the dysphoria builds, it eventually breaks through the threshhold of denial.  That is more likely to happen later in life because it has been building longer.

There may be a generational thing.  The use of DES in the 1950s and 1960s may have produced a "bubble" of trans women who are only now reaching the point of having to come out.

For me, the reason is simple.  I got to the point (the second time) where the thought of wanting to die was becoming overwhelming again.  I also realized that my standard coping mechanisms would fail just as they had failed every other time.  I also knew with certainty exactly what was wrong and what I needed to do to get some long term relief.  So the only choice left was to continue sinking into a black hole of suicidal ideation with no idea where that would end or to begin dealing with this in a way that I knew would be an improvement on my mindset.

I remember this event from late 2014 very vividly and it kind of illustrates where my mind was at that time.  It was Leelah Alcorn's suicide.  Like many others I read about that and felt sadness and also extreme anger at her parents and church.  But I felt something else much stronger; envy.  I admired her for having the courage I lacked to end this suffering once and for all; to just be done with it.  I was self aware enough to realize that there was something seriously wrong about my thinking that way, but it was nonetheless very real.

Fortunately, I had already begun counseling a couple of months earlier and was able to start HRT soon thereafter. 

The constant death wish I had faded and was replaced with what I guess is a feeling of normalcy.  The anger (borderline fanatical hatred) of the institutions and people that drive us to the point of suicide remains.  I've been told that I need to let that go.  Maybe someday I'll be able to.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

I was a 4 y/o in 1960 when mom told me flat out boys do not wear skirts and then I started to cry because I would not be able to wear my sister's hand-me-down school uniform.

I was about 12 y/o the first time mom found my stash of clothes. It quietly disappeared without a word said. Not even 2 years later the same happened for the 3rd time and 2 weeks latter I was off to the shrink, not a word said ahead of time until I saw what sort of "doctor" she was taking me to. At that time in my life "The Christine Jorgenson Story" aired on TV and at the end of the movie was a PSA for the Eric Erikson Foundation and an address for more info. The next day the letter was in the mail.

The message I heard as a 4 y/o was still very loud and clear in my head "Boys Do Not Wear Skirts".  I was the product of first & second generation parents in a heavily eastern European blue collar immigrant city with either a bar, church or bank on about every street corner. I was also bright enough to know what to tell the shrink to get him to think "It was a phase". (getting caught that is  I got better at hiding my stash of clothes)

It was the mid 1970's I did my first transition "experiment". Lack of self esteem, tons of internalized transphobia, tons of external transphobia (across the river from NYC mind you) and the big dark cloud of "Some Guy In A Dress" surrounding me in a world filled with 5'5" tall women and me being 6ft., the experiment was an utter failure. Just settle on being a CD.  A few years later after the I know what will cure me marriage, another utter fail experiment.

In my many decades of living I learned how to be a chameleon, blending in with the crowd I am hanging with. When you are in true "Safe Spaces", away from the PC Police, then you get to hear or see the truth. A lot of "Progress" and "Acceptance" in society is purely a veneer forced upon people in general. MTF's are still fair game to pile on. Want to up the ratings on your TV show? Dust off the TG character script for "Sweeps Week". Who's head did not explode when Jenner came out and the media circus that followed? Or, "That state whose name cannot be said's" bathroom bill? Just look at the number of postings of how after coming out you first get the "Oh that's cool" followed some time later non-acceptance when it becomes all too real. That it is not "A Phase". Of course, there is also the outright rejection or worse. I know from personal experience in the bucolic ultra-liberal just outside NYC suburb I live in today myself,my wife and our property's safety will all be jeopardy if I openly presented as female, even part-time, and has been thanks to rumors about my wife being TG. On the other hand, in rural West Virginia I did live part-time as female. Go figure.

Yes, openly being openly TG today is a universe different for the better then it was 20-30-40-50 years ago back in the days of Archie Bunker being the norm. But since that time even Archie learned to "Stifle it". Is that the reason there are so many "Late Transitioners" today? I suspect partly since it is more acceptable by polite society. The root cause for late transitioning, or a desire to,  I do not believe has ever changed throughout the centuries. You just reach a point when the GD is just either too great or you lost the will or desire to fight it. History is filled with "Cross-Dressers". Heck even a colonial governor of NJ. Many after the civil war which was sort of OK.... Battle fatigue or whatever it was called that era.

I asked my therapist the "why now" question and her answer made sense in my case.  "Because you are ready."

We went on but basically everything I was expected to do in life was done:  Married, kids, kids out of the house. 

I added that I had a lot of idle time and the dysphoric thoughts had no competition.

Honestly I feel better now than I ever have.  Although I feel terrible about what I've done to my wife and our +31 year marriage.

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I'm in my early 40's. I only realized I was bi-gender 3 years ago. When I was a kid I remember having these feelings but I supressed them because I knew they were "wrong". Occasionally throughout my life they would rear their ugly head but nothing ever came of it. Finally one day I saw a meme on Facebook about the Shewee . They were making fun of it of course, but the silent beast inside of me roared. I had to find it if it was real. I bought one and have been slowly working my way to a life like device. I had to come to terms with each stage myself. Now that I'm saving to buy a really good life like prosthetic I realize that this is what I wanted my whole life, to have the outside of my body reflect how I feel on the inside on male mode days.

I think the sleeping beast who suddenly awakened was caused by a lack of resources. I didn't know anything was out there for people who felt like me both in physical resources but also support of others like myself.

Plus one more possible reason we are coming out older, we just don't give a dog gone about what others think as much as we used to.

The inter web might have a lot to do with it. Lots more support and information available for us older trans folk.

I came out to a psychiatrist 30 years ago who pretty much brushed it aside. Times have definitely changed some from the dark old days of everything phobia.

There's only so long that we can handle the duplicity and at some point people adapt in a few possible ways: self medicate, transition or check out permanently. I bet before our more recent social changes, choices a and c were more common.


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I had no choice. It was predestined due to DES poisoning. All my life I have dealt with the knowledge I did not fit the boy mold although I had most the parts. In 1970 when I was 18, transitioning was barely heard of. When I was thirty it was still a novelty. Christine Cossey had her operation in 74 then there was Renee Richards. But without the internet, information was hard to come by. Being transgender was thought of as a perversion  By the time I was forty I was dealing with my deformed heart and other subsequent heart problems. At this point I put it on the back burner to raise the kids. About three years ago I resumed trying to find comfort by dressing up again. It worked. Until it didn't anymore. It became a compulsion and I headed for a breakdown. I think the breaking point was while visiting my sister in Denver last spring. I totally flipped out and after insulting my sister and realizing something had to be done. I promised to go to therapy. I went and this time I revealed my life long secret, by the end of the second visit the therapist was suggesting HRT and on the third she gave me her authorization. For the last 7.5 months, I have been on HRT and it has made me sane again. The big plus is, finally coming out took such a weight off my shoulders and I am once again at peace with myself.

I just got to the point of if I don't do it now it will never happen so its happening!!!!!!

The older I get the less f's I give about what people think of me.Maybe it isnthe same for others?

I'm in my early 40's and I was just mentally and emotionally exhausted at keeping it all hidden and bottled-up.  Even with a "crossdressing" outlet on a daily basis it was frustrating and utterly depressing having to put it all away when my public life came knocking.  It also started impacting my family.  When a gender identity conflict ticks in your head for 40+ years on a daily basis,  there comes a time when  "something" needs to be done....It just depends on what that is.

For me it was twofold.

First I had already come out 10 years earlier, and decided that I would first try to express my feminine side in as many different ways as I could. See if that would be enough. I knew that by transitioning I would be choosing a harder life in many regards.

A few years ago my health started to fall, and my life became exponentially harder, nearly dying several times.

As my health has stabilized things came into focus. I was forced to face my mortality at a very young age. Suddenly "later" was no guarantee. I transitioned soon after. Decided that I didn't want to die having not tried, and that by transitioning it would make the rest of my life bearable. "If I'm gonna have chronic health issues for the rest of my life, I mind as well be somewhat more comfortable in a body that has already betrayed me".

So, while I didn't come out and transition later in life, I think the reality of mortality and time slipping away that I would have typically felt in my 40s or 50s hit home at half that age.


~Brooke~

Quote from: Alicia Francesca on April 15, 2017, 12:43:06 PM
The older I get the less f's I give about what people think of me.Maybe it isnthe same for others?

Yup. Same here. It's like on job interview the interviewer asks, "what's your greatest weakness?" My answer would be , honesty. The interviewer says, that's not a weakness. My response: I don't give a blank what you think. So it goes with getting older. I came to to conclusion they can't kill me, not without a fight they'd probably lose, what am I worried about? It's mostly in my head, fear that is. I mean, if someone hassles me, my retort would be, wouldn't it be funny if you got your ass kicked by a trans woman? A sense of humor helps with most things.


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with Gertrude on that , they can all F of that's why I am not to bothered about when I come outas to what "they" think

It got to the point that the idea of growing old as a man, i.e. becoming an old man, a greybeard if you will, became too much to bear.  I knew getting old was inevitable but having barely survived being a young man, then endured being a middle-aged man becoming an old man was just one bridge too far.  I knew I couldn't do it.

Quote from: Jane Emily on April 15, 2017, 07:10:32 PM
It got to the point that the idea of growing old as a man, i.e. becoming an old man, a greybeard if you will, became too much to bear.  I knew getting old was inevitable but having barely survived being a young man, then endured being a middle-aged man becoming an old man was just one bridge too far.  I knew I couldn't do it.

Totally off topic, but everyone knows about the three stages of a man's sex life, right?

Young man  -  Tri-weekly
Middle age - Try  weekly
Old age - Try weakly

Quote from: Jane Emily on April 15, 2017, 07:10:32 PM
It got to the point that the idea of growing old as a man, i.e. becoming an old man, a greybeard if you will, became too much to bear.  I knew getting old was inevitable but having barely survived being a young man, then endured being a middle-aged man becoming an old man was just one bridge too far.  I knew I couldn't do it.

Yes, this!  This is me exactly.